What jolly Xmas character would you like to see in Hell?

[Boyo_Jim]

I can only pray Hell is big enough.

Everyone who has ever recorded and distributed a christmas carol.
Everyone who ever sings a christmas carol again.
Every DJ or Muzak programmer who has ever played a christmas carol.
Everyone who suggests singing chrismas carols
Everyone who suggests listening to chrismas carols.

I think that covers it but I’m open to more inclusive lists.

[Boyo_Jim]

Damn, I just realized…

If there is a hell, I’m probably going there.

And it’s going to be a lot more hellish if my list gets used.

[Ms.Pumpkin]

While not exactly “jolly”, I nominate Ralphie and his entire family. Too bad he didn’t actually shoot his friggin eye out.

[mobo85]

@stretch

Imagine a girl is born in August 1966. Her parents have already decided to name her after the mother’s childhood friend. They think to themselves “We’ll give our daughter this name; it is an unusual name, but how bad can it be?”

And then in the winter of 1966, a new holiday special is released on TV with a catchy song. Every Christmas for the rest of her life, the girl will hear this song. And people will think they are clever when they sing it around her.

The original Frosty the Snowman song was recorded in 1950, so these hypothetical parents should have had enough advance warning.

[Rhubarb]

@Indyellen

Rhubarb, that’s beautiful. Unfortunately, Bob Rivers beat you to it:

Chipmunks Roasting on an Open Fire

Thanks for that. A Bob Rivers ditty I hadn’t heard before. I’m pretty sure he’s the conductor of this hell-bound train.

[GrizzRich]

Anyone who gripes to me that some entity is “…taking the Christ out of Christmas”!

<smack>

[Ranchoth]

@Elza B

And the version from 'Twas the Night Before Christmas. He gets a letter from the ‘whole town’ saying they don’t believe in Santa, and he can’t even send a damn elf to investigate?

Actually, the letter was signed “all of us”…and was a postage-stamp sized letter sent via the mouse postal system. Apparently, Santa wasn’t aware that there often isn’t a large cultural overlap between human and rodent communities, even in a small town (even one where human-mouse work teams apparently aren’t abnormal: careful analysis of the dialogue reveals that, although father mouse helps construct clocks for a living, he couldn’t even understand the question when someone asked if a particular clock was mechanical, or run by electricity. My guess is that he was basically just a slave).

Anyway, my nominations?

•Olaf, the mother-killing donkey-breeder from Nestor the Long-Eared Chistmas Donkey. (Who Nestor actually came back to? And who welcomes him with open arms? What the hell? Did Nestor tell the germanic pagan woodsman that he gave a ride to some pregnant Jewish lady a few thousand miles away so she could give birth to what was basically a normal child?)
•God, from Nestor. (For implicitly setting up the whole, cruel, Nestor scenario—which was apparently his way of calling a taxi for the girl he knocked up and didn’t marry.)

[Philster]

Rudolph.

And the department store Santa from ‘A Christmas Story’.

[fisha]

There are quite a few parodies of Christmas songs. Walking around in womens underwear, frosty the pervert, etc.

Hey, we all have our own ways of coping…

[fluiddruid]

This is pretty mild for the Pit, so I’m going to ship these holiday ill-wishes off to MPSIMS.

[stretch]

@mobo85

The original Frosty the Snowman song was recorded in 1950, so these hypothetical parents should have had enough advance warning.

That’s interesting. Since my mom was born in 1947, she may have heard the song before I was born. The TV short referenced by wiki was surely not seen here in Central WA before I was born.

I know that lots of people have songs sung to them based on their names. Still, have you ever had to argue with a person in a snowman suit about your name?

[Scissorjack]

The infant Jesus.

What?