What land will you choose to be viceroy of after the conquest?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Okay, it’s common knowledge that I’m plotting to conquer the Earth.

It’s somewhat less common knowledge that, being extremely lazy, I have no interest in the adminstration of tyranny and thus will slough off the actual work of oppressing the masses (or uplifting them, I don’t care) onto whoever I can.

It’s even less common knowledge that making Sarah Palin vice president of the United States is actually item !47 on my 149-point plan for making myself God-King of Terra.

In short, I’m almost done. If McCain-Palin wins, my victory is assured. Thus, now is the time to call the nation or territory you wish to be viceroy of. One rule: nothing larger than California. You will, of course, be expected to explain your choice and jusitfy your nomination.

2

I call dibs on South Georgia Island.

It’s got a pleasant climate (for a polar bear), a thriving population I would enjoy being around, and will be the sort of tourist Mecca I would enjoy serving in.

In short, I believe that this territory would be an ideal way for me to use my people managing skills in your administration, and continue to earn my munificent salary and perks. Like breathing. :wink:

3

I want Fiji.

Because it’s fucking Fiji.

4

I call Australia.

5

Dibs on Bali. Once we eat all the fucking roosters, it really will be paradise.

6

Oooo Dibs on New Zealand… and I’ll take Tazmania as a bonus.

7

I want Samoa, both halves. Pretty laid back place.

8

Vancouver Island. Mountanins, cities, fields, rivers, forests, everything needed to support a wholesome post-petroleum society that will be healthy for the participants yet low enough in technology not to be a threat to Our Overlord.

Plus we can shake our spears at the Vancouverites and Seattleites across the water.

9

I’ll simply take what I want, and you can’t stop me you paltry excuse for a ruler. I’ve bested men better than yourself with ease. If you’re lucky I’ll let you have a Superfund site somewhere in which to wither away with the rest of your short time here on Earth-Cluricaun.

10

If it pleases Skald, I would be honored to administer the Ozarks, which I intend to rule in a benevolent but ultimately ironclad dictatorship that produces the greatest amount of outstanding provisions for the Rhymer’s table.

The finest meats: beef, pork, venison, fowl, lamb, goat, bison; as steaks, roasts, whole animals for the pit, the spit, or the grill are all available already, and my administration shall enthusiastically encourage their continued production. In addition, we shall relax the regulation and taxation of stills, wineries and breweries. No onerous licensing; just register and pay your very reasonable fee. Cannabis farmers and growers of fruits and vegetables will receive similar respect. Tastings and awards will be held at weekly markets in all the counties of my realm, monthly competitions for the weekly winners, and of course, annual awards for the finest of each year. Winners will be selected on the basis of how well their products please his Rhymership. Weekly winners will be allowed to advertise their victories, monthly winners likewise and additionally, get an additional 10% tax break the next year; annual winners will be lauded throughout the land and have 100% of their taxes waived for the next year.

My advisors will seek out others who are worthy of attention and tax breaks. Trades like charcoal making, butchers, charcouterie, cheesemaking, pitmasters…well you can catch my drift. We’ll also continue to push tourism. Don’t forget to canoe down our streams, hunt for deer and turkey in our forests, fish in our lakes. If you’re feeling friskier, you can go gigging for frogs or noodling for catfish.

May it please his Verse-osity, the petitioner would be greatly amused to have the word ‘high’ in his title, along with the most apt ‘vice’, thus I petition to be appointed Skald’s High Viceroy of the Ozark Plateau. I’m already there, so it would be quite convenient.

11

Skald will have to arrange a death-match for this territory, as I want it and intend to have it. I don’t mind getting a little blood on me, I’d appreciate a good workout. I hope your life insurance is paid up, your family is going to need it.

I will make the concession of having your ashes scattered somewhere on Tasmania.

I don’t know your age, but even if you’re some young sprout, remember “Age and treachery will triumph over youth and skill.”

:smiley:

12

Wait a minute…Skald’s just trying to gather a list of places to *banish *us from isn’t he? Curses.

13

I’ll take Hawaii. Never been there, but I call firsties on it.

alphaboi867, I think you broke rule #1.

14

Don’t you understand alphaboi867’s fiendish plan? He is going to compress Australia so that it is no larger than California.

15

I’ll take New Jersey.

Nobody else will want it, but I will grasp all of the bagel joints, Italian bakeries, and divine pizzerias with my iron fist!

16

Well, since no one else wants it I’ll take California. First off I’ll drive out all the damn hippies and make it a nice place to live ;). It already would be self sustaining as a nation-state so there is little work required which would be great for me because I’m generally lazy. In order to get the economy back on track I would limit the government to infrastructure maintenance, compliance to the financial reporting regulations, and improving the education system. Any more then that would be through community programs that are driven locally. I would offer my services for a measly 1% of the state GDP.

17

I’ll take Texas, all my stuff’s already here. There’s going to be some changes in Texas government when I’m in charge, though. For one thing, no more mister nice guy!

I’ll go ahead and take Mexico, too, so Mrs. Viceroy can have her summer cottage in Cozumel.

18

Since you’ll be conquering the whole planet, I’d settle for the Azores.

Naturally we would build an airport that would accomodate your aeroplane and a huge harbor for your floating island (should you choose to get one, O Great One!)

And they’re small enough to oversee completely, without to much hassle.

19

Is Belgium still available? Viceroy in charge of beer and chocolate would be a halfway decent job.

20

I want Greece, because it is fucking gorgeous and full of history.