Ok, but:
- If there’s one register open and a line of 20 people, the cashier will never call for help unless you ask them to.
The rule in my store is three people on line (or one person with a full cart), call another cashier.
If all the registers are open and the lines are long, someone will ask if you can open another line. My response is always WHERE?
I think there’s a few stand-up careers worth of material in this thread 
Mine however isn’t of the same calibre:
Mijin’s law of sleep: The more constrained your sleep time, the longer it will take to fall asleep and the earlier you will wake.
So e.g. For whatever reason you need to go to bed at midnight tonight, and wake at 5am. Only 5 hours sleep!? You wish.
It will take you 2 hours to get to sleep, and then, inexplicably, you’ll wake up at 4am.
If a bus reaches (and leaves) a stop early, the next one will be late.
The first person in any argument to introduce the concept of open/closed mindedness, is always provably wrong.
The more obviously false a claim is, the angrier the claimant will become that you do not immediately accept it as true.
No matter how often you politely inform someone that you don’t like mushrooms, if you allow them to cook for you, they will cook you mushrooms. Mushroom casserole followed by mushroom crumble with mushroom custard. People who like mushrooms are part of a sinister food cult. They will not rest until they convert you.
If you don’t want to be cooked mushrooms, you have to be rude about it. Do not say “it’s fine, I’ll pick them out”. Do not believe the lie that they are chopped so finely that “you won’t notice them.” Any concession, hesitation or basic courtesy on your part will be taken as a signal that you secretly adore mushrooms and wouldn’t dream of consuming anything containing less than 70% mushroom.
You must make it absolutely clear that you will not, under any circumstances ingest any food contaminated with fungus. Try returning the favour by inviting them over one evening and insisting that they’ll “hardly notice” the sand and toenail-clippings you’ve put in their lasagne.
I have the same issue and have found it easier to tell people I’m outright allergic to it. As in “Exorcist-style projectile vomiting” allergic. Suddenly mushrooms aren’t as critical an ingredient as they initially thought. 
To be fair, buses are late often enough that it’s hard to say.
In my experience, the only time a bus is early is when you’re running to the stop and hoping you’ll make it in time.
Using this as a preamble to an extended rant about the mushroom lobby may serve to undermine public acceptance of your fungophobic conspiracy theory. We mushroom lovers have the morel high ground, we don’t deserve to take this shiit.
I like them, too, but after all, they grow in it.
Regarding the latest Bus Rule, it also applies to airplanes, taxi cabs, and probably rickshaws.
This is so true, but it is actually a special case of a more general rule that says :
*You will always be fast asleep when the alarm clock rings at the usual time
BUT
if, for some reason, you can once in a while set the alarm clock later than usual, you will wake up hours before not only today’s later hour but also earlier than the usual hour.*
Example :
You have to get up at 6:30am to go to work every morning. As a result, you’ll be in deep sleep when the alarm clock rings, leaving you with the feeling that you’d otherwise have slept until 8 or 9am.
However,
Tomorrow, you can set the alarm at 7:30am for whatever reason. You’ll be fully awake at 4am and unable to go back to sleep.
A very large part of being successful is just showing up on time consistently. Certainly the case for me in college – I didn’t study particularly hard, but by showing up to class nearly every time, I did well. Turns out professors like the ones who come to class.
I concur. Show up to class and pay at least a little bit of attention and you’ll learn most of the material in most courses and professors will appreciate it.
I like mushrooms, but have this exact experience with onions all the time.
Some people just can’t wrap their heads around it.
Them: Do you like French Onion Soup?
Me: I don’t know, are there onions in it?
Them: Yeah, but this is quality French Onion Soup!
Me (I actually said this to my uncle once): That may be, but it’s like the best made gay pornography ever. High production values, good acting, nice location photography etc., but not my thing.
The older you get, the more critical it is to never let your ass be higher than your head.
One of the best lines from The Royle Family (British sitcom):
“She’s a vegetarian, Nanna”…
[Nanna checks out options from the buffet…]
“Could she have some wafer-thin ham, Barbara?”
Pfft. Conspiracy theory? That’s just what big fungiculture wants you to think.
XT’s fifth law of IT…people will call with an urgent request or problem after sitting on it for a few weeks only after you are away on vacation. The corollary…the router/switch/firewall will go TU after years of stability once your vacation starts and you don’t have any good internet connectivity to VPN in. Your backup will be out sick and no one else will know enough to even call for an RMA so the mess will be there building pressure until you can deal with it.
“Why bless your heart!” always means the opposite.
Any sentence that contains an allusion to Jesus and cleaning products is always a segue into an Amway pitch.
Stupidity always has a price
I don’t like mushrooms. I don’t use them when I cook, and when I’m eating out they’re usually mentioned on the menu so I can order something without them. And when they do show up, like in some Chinese dishes, they’re easy enough to pick out and dispose of.
More insidious is the move to add cheese to every hamburger. Order a burger in lots of places, and if I don’t say “no cheese” I will get a cheeseburger. If I’d wanted a cheeseburger, I’d have ordered a cheeseburger.