What makes someone "clingy"? (poll)

[Sunspace]

@Mosier

A clingy person is a tool. They define themselves by the person they’re with. They can make strange and inappropriate badly-timed awkward references to how amazing or incredible that person is.

There’s nothing romantic about it. Romance is built on positive things like mutual admiration, wanting to see each other happy, and inspiring each other. Clingy people are more affected by negative things like fear of being alone, a sense of inferiority, a lack of personal motivation or ambition.

They’re as different as night and day.

I’m not sure what you mean by ‘tool’ in this context, but other than that I think you’re spot on. ‘Clingy’ is all about the person who clings, not about the target of their clinging.

Edit on seeing BrknButterfly’s post: He didn’t really see you or your needs, just his own.

[KneadToKnow]

@EmAnJ

So…are you clingy or not?

Heh. Well, I don’t think so, but this post:

@Maastricht

I think this is what it boils down to. If two people are equally clingy, they call each other not " clingy", but “loving” and “romantic”.

did give me pause, because that is how I think of myself.

I guess I’m taking solace in the fact that I have been lucky never to have found myself with someone who found my “loving and romantic” gestures unwelcome.

Knead
A Lucky Boy in a Crazy World

[BrknButterfly]

@Sunspace

Edit on seeing BrknButterfly’s post: He didn’t really see you or your needs, just his own.

Exactly.

And Mosier is dead on as well. I couldn’t stand the “I love you”'s every hour and the “Do I make you happy?” every other hour as well. If I wasn’t happy, believe me I would tell you. And if I have learned ANYTHING in the last 30 years of my life, love, liking or admiration is shown by actions, not words.

[Guinastasia]

Someone who is offended when you can’t hang out/talk on the phone, etc, because of prior obligations (I had a guy flip out on me when I was trying to study for a final in college)

[Flipshod]

@Maastricht

I think this is what it boils down to. If two people are equally clingy, they call each other not " clingy", but “loving” and “romantic”.

Clingy is a mean word, a fancy way of calling names. It means: "I don’t want to be as close to you as you want to be with me, and that means *you *are at fault here.

Yep, clingy is in the eye of the clung to.

[tdn]

@Maastricht

I think this is what it boils down to. If two people are equally clingy, they call each other not " clingy", but “loving” and “romantic”.

Clingy is a mean word, a fancy way of calling names. It means: "I don’t want to be as close to you as you want to be with me, and that means *you *are at fault here.

I can see your point, but I have to disagree. Clinginess is approval-seeking behavior, always wanting validation. At the heart of it is a self-esteem issue. You ultimately lack the ability to take care of your own emotional needs, so you need someone to fill the void.

That’s my take, anyway.

[Lust4Life]

I would add to all of the above somebody who insists on ringing you up every time something has happened to them that they dont like,no matter how trivial,to unload on you and hopefully get your pity.
I worked with people whos SO have rang them at work because one of the SOs new work mates wasn’t friendly and another one who rang in tears because her previous husband was ten minutes late dropping the kids back to her.(She didn’t have a job and hadn’t worked for years)

[Mint_Julep]

Clingy=Insecure.

I have been guilty, but I am currently in recovery.

[even_sven]

Come on. A mutually clingly relationship isn’t “romantic” or even “okay”, it’s co-dependent and will eventually self-destruct, probably after the two have wasted a lot of time not moving forward in their lives because they were caught in a destructive feedback loop where the whole world revolved around their “relationship”.