You know, I’ve been thinking about it, and some of the patrons I think of as particularly “creepy” (I’m a public librarian) have a certain smell to them. Not an unwashed smell, necessarily - trust me, I know that when I smell it! But some of them have this sort of metallic smell, a smell that’s odd and distinctive enough for me to notice it. I can’t think of a time when I’ve smelled that smell on anybody else, including “creepy” people, that I’ve met elsewhere. But maybe it’s that smell that makes me leery of them? Does creepy have a smell? I’m honestly not a real big “smell” person - I mean, I definately smell the unwashed ones, but I don’t smell things other people smell sometimes. This smell is distinctive, then, but not necessarily very strong.
I’d appreciate it if the posters in this thread will keep the sarcasm and anger dialed back a notch. I’d rather not have to move this to the Pit. Thank you.
And posting among us too, perhaps…
:: creepy laugh ::
Yep, pretty much. And even if said creepy guy is totally harmless, why would I want to spend my time with someone who makes me feel extremely uncomfortable? Out of pity? Nope. Would YOU want people to spend time with YOU out of pity?
Sorry, I want to spend my time with people I ENJOY being around. Not ones that constantly make me feel like I should be clutching my purse.
I’ve been creeped out by people, and while I wouldn’t say they went on to become serial killers, I usually ended up finding out that they were just, well, jerks.
It’s not a female/male thing, nor is it about predicting criminals, or dangerous people. It’s just some people you find very unnerving, and you’d rather avoid them.
I think someone already said it, but sociopaths will mimic normal behaviors and obey societies rules not because it’s the thing to do, but because they understand it’s in their best interest to do so. And they might just not have homocidal urges. Think of a jerk-off manager you have at work who tells everyone whatever they want to hear and then does whatever is in his best interest.
People don’t really like to hang out with people who seem like they are harboring the deep resentment and anger that comes with being a social outcast. I suspect that it triggers a"this guy was rejected by the herd, I should stay away" instinct in people .
I have met people that I also think are instantly creepy - no particular reason - nothing they have done - generally - just am uncomfortable around them.
I like to trust my gut. It has gotten me out of/through more bad situations then I can count. This is not to say that these “creepy” people are out to get me, I am sure they are just fine people - but why would I consciously put myself in a situation with someone I am uncomfortable around?
For the record - I consider pets and children excellent judges of character - my daughter has “played strange” with only a handful of people - I can only assume they were pure evil.
One of my uncles (by marriage) is totally creepy. It hasn’t stopped him from being a successful MF surgeon, getting married and having 3 kids, but I sure don’t like hanging out with him.
Further - when I’m at work, I’m there to work - not play friendly with someone who’s company I don’t enjoy. I would never purposfully exclude someone, but I’m sure not going to seek them out and invite them along on an outing, or for lunch or whatever. I have no guilt about this, whatsoever.
Finally, most rape counselors would suggest that telling a woman to “Ignore her instincts” when she meets a man who gives her the creeps, 'cus he could be a really nice guy, is exceptionally BAD advice. People get a vibe for a reason - are some of them misplaced? You bet. Does that mean you ignore all of them? Hell no.
There is absolutely no reason, whatsoever, that people should feel the need to hang out with people that they don’t like. If you happen to be a creepy person that many people don’t like, well, tough shit. Either learn to be less creepy, or content yourself to hang out with people that don’t find you creepy.
I am very intuitive and have been creeped out any number of times. Once in college by my roommate’s BF–the same BF who stalked her for 6 months after they broke up. Am I a lonelier woman for it? Probabaly, but I am here and in one piece. That said, I don’t always equate creepiness with danger. Sometimes it’s just a concern of the response you will get when interacting with said creeper out.
I also trust young kids with their judgements about people–kids can be manipulated sure, but I am referring to first impressions only. Animals are even better at it. Why wouldn’t there be some type of instinctive impression made? It would be interesting to research.
If I meet you and you either hold my gaze for too long, repeatedly, or don’t meet my eye at all, or if your “checking me out” is too blatant, or if you appear to lack appropriate responses to social interactions and are not obviously retarded or autistic, then you will creep me out.
Why is the onus on the creeped out? Why not have those doing the creeping learn remedial social skills?
Have lunch with someone who creeps me out?
Uh, no thanks. Knowing my luck, he would then interpret that as interest in him (despite my married status) and then I would have that to deal with…
I am not saying cut him dead or ignore him–politeness goes a long way. But fake friendship could lead to disaster, IMO.
there is creepy, a bit odd, wierd, and raise the hackles.
there are very few people i have had the “raise the hackles” responce to. i didn’t want to be in the same country with them, let alone at work or else where. in my family, if someone says “there is something about x, i can’t put my finger on it…” run for the hills.
thus far the men i’ve had instant hackles responce to ( this was before a word was uttered just barely introduced.), have turned out to be:
wife beater
convicted of starving and torturing his children
and
had restraining orders taken out when he would not leave the work place. he just refused to be fired.
i def. listen to the hackles. if i have to interact with them, i channel queen victoria and am very proper and give no hint of any chance of personal contact.
Ooh, there’s a creepy guy at my work. But I have a definite handle on why I think he’s creepy.
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A Coworker (referred to in this paragraph as Coworker) stuck price tags on my arm as a joke to prove the pricing gun worked, and I didn’t remove them. Creepy Guy comes up and says $5.99, hmm? Is that all? And then there is mumbling between him and Coworker which ends with Coworker saying to Creepy Guy “You’re not that desperate, huh?” I don’t know who I should kill first, actually - I’d always thought Coworker liked me and hearing this joke at my expense made me sad. I hope I’m misunderstanding Coworker’s intentions and that he wasn’t really calling me ugly. Creepy Guy can call me ugly all he wants, for he is much uglier and I don’t like him. It’s just not something I want ot hear at work.
-
Today, I’m dipping marshmallows in chocolate and rolling them in nuts and Creepy Guy says, “You like playing with those nuts, don’t you?”
-
I’m trying to fit English toffee into a bag which is almost too small for it. Creepy Guy says, “You’ve never had anything that big before, have you?”
Plus on top of it all he’s just creepy, sleazy, slimy like oil. Yech. I actually can’t stand to look at him or have a conversation with him. I’ve looked at him so few times that I’m sure I wouldn’t recognise him if I saw him out of uniform.
Well as long as you don’t automatically equate creepiness with danger. That is what some of us take offense to, because some people are implying that a socially inferior group is automatically dangerous. A society where people with weird mannerisms and bad eye contact are percieved as rapists is no different than cultures where jews are percieved as drinking babies blood or the mentally ill are percieved as serial killers and it is offensive.
Also there is the issue that again, if someone really is a threat they probably wont be creepy. http://www.click2houston.com/news/4224902/detail.html
Well, that’s surely compelling evidence on which to convict them. :dubious:
That’s not creepy, that’s sexual harassment (well, it’s creepy, too). This is the point where you say, “I do not appreciate your sexual innuendo” in a very clearly not joking voice, document it, and report it to management. He is totally not allowed to do this in the workplace.
We are talking about creepy here, right? Not dangerous, not threatening, not hostile.
There are men on sight that I would not want to be alone in a room with. That’s not necessarily creepy–that’s a “raise the hackles” one (thanks for the categories, rocking chair ).
Example: we had our roof reroofed and the other guys went to lunch, this one guy stayed. I was home alone with my kids (3 and 1). He said he wanted to finish his word early. I got a weird vibe from him when he told me that-but I’m not his boss. Whatever. He got on the roof. He scared the crap outta me and he never left the roof. From what I could gather, he had had a fight with his female significant other. He talked to himself (this was summer and the windows were open) and basically ripped her another one out loud while he worked. Incredible use of obscenities–not in an admirable, intelligent way. He was so enraged that I called the contractor and asked what was with this guy. I was told this was common in the industry (huh?). I feared for the GF/wife, I can tell you. And I did lock my doors until the rest of the crew came back.
Then there is creepy–like the pharmacy tech at work. He is tall (not his fault) but he does loom over people. His choice of words and his manner of expressing himself are…odd. He is not foreign born. His compliments are a wee too personal, his comments too intimate.
Example: I was running late for work one day and trotted across the employee parking lot with my hair down. He came on the floor later and said to me that he had seen me in the lot. But he didn’t recognize me, then. He said that he saw a “stunning blonde” running and that he watched her all the way into the building. He went on to say that he hoped he would run into that same blonde later in the day and maybe ask her out. Only later did he put 2 and 2 together and realize it was me.
Calll me a bitch, but that creeped me out. To learn that I was being watched like that and then told about it…(and I dont’ think I am all that stunning, frankly).
“Creepy” is a relative term and a subjective judgement, but there seem to be common elements to the everyone’s definition. There’s a lack of recognition or deliberate ignoring of common social spaces-emotional as well as physical.
So, no creepy does not equal dangerous to me–but I won’t say they’re mutually exclusive either.
:smack:
Gah. the point of the my post was that I have had visceral reactions to people–instantly upon meeting them. If they are strong enough, I will avoid that person. It has happened with one or two patients over 20 years of being a nurse, so it’s not like it happens every week.
I can’t explain it–it sure isn’t measurable–its instinctive. It doesn’t happen at the conscious level. In fact, I would say the more you try to examine and analyze it, the less sense it seems to make.
Yes, I could be completey mistaken–which is why I don’t go around decrying that individual or letting my emotions show. Get a grip folks, no one here is pointing a finger and saying–get thee out of town! Outcast! Reject!
I take this thread to be a discussion of the presence of creepiness in our work places and society in general and how we delineate that and what we do about it.
http://www.click2houston.com/news/4224902/detail.html
And that’s pretty much all I’ve been trying to say.
Look, I agree that this discussion has tended to blur the line between creepy and sociopathic, socially awkward and dangerous. I think groups of posters have been in some cases talking past each other because they were talking about different things really.
The people at my office whom I find the most socially awkward tend to make me just a little uncomfortable. I greet them when I see them, engage them in small talk briefly, and go on about my day, just as I do with my other coworkers. They don’t frighten or repel me. If I had to work late one night and one of them was the only other person in the building with me, I would not fear for my safety, and I might well ask him to make sure I got safely to my car.
To me, creepy is another level up from that. Creepy makes my skin crawl. The creepy guys I’ve encountered have managed to make me feel that they viewed me purely as an object. I don’t trust them with my safety. And, yep, I’m gonna listen to my instincts about that.
I have good reason to know that statistically I’m far more likely to be harmed by a man I’m in a relationship with than by a stranger. It’s more than statistics to me; I’ve been there. I understand getting into a situation where the alarm bells just didn’t start ringing but the danger was upon me – I’ve experienced it. The result was to heighten my instincts in future relationships, to add new warning bells, in effect. In retrospect, that guy should have creeped me out long before he ever hurt me.
A few other points:
To the self-professed creepy guys in this thread – I’m really sorry that you have such a hard time of it. I don’t know you, so I don’t know whether you’d really fit in my ‘creepy’ category or just in my ‘socially awkward’ category. I’d like to think it’s the latter, and I’d like to assure you that I feel no need to ostracize you based on your social awkwardness. If, really, you’re the kind of guy who would make my skin crawl but in fact your intentions are pure and good and noble, then I really am sorry. I hope that through discussions here or with other people you can find out what it is that produces this reaction in others and help find a way to minimize it, because I really feel for how awful you must have it.
As to taking into account a pet’s or a child’s response to someone – that’s just allowing another instinctive creature’s response to substitute for or, preferably, inform your own. It’s a piece of information that you can reflect on and weigh as you determine how you should best respond to another person. I don’t think it’s ‘voodoo’ in the sense that astrological signs are.
Re gender differences in all this – despite my reaction to the wording of threemae’s post on the subject, on reflection I find that I do believe women tend to be more sensitive to potential danger signs than men. I don’t believe that it’s some magical sixth sense that comes along with other standard female equipment. I believe it’s because women are more vulnerable, more likely to be prey, and therefore have more need to be alert and responsive to cues other people (especially men) give off. They also tend to have less confidence in their ability to physically prevail against an attacker. I don’t think that’s entirely unreasonable. Talking about this with my boyfriend (and I realize the plural of anecdote is not data), I find that he can’t remember the last time he felt frightened or at least worried that another person might do him grievous physical harm. Me, it was last week. I suspect that to most guys and to some women this will sound bizarre and paranoid. But I also suspect that a lot of women would answer the same. Someone, I don’t know who, made the claim that at bottom men are afraid women will laugh at them; women are afraid men will kill them. On some level, this resonates with me.
I think this hits the nail on the head. I have never ignored or avoided someone because they held my eye contact too long, or seemed in other ways socially awkward. However, people that are creepy are different, they are aggressive and seem to do what they can to put you ill at ease.
I do not feel like I am slighting them in the least by not wanting to hang out with them any more than I have to.
And **bites when provoked - obviously I was kidding about the evil part. Whoosh **
Very well said, Aholibah.
I agree.
Although I agree with much of what you say, and appreciate your making a distinction between “creepy” and “socially awkward”, I mildly disagree with the quote above. If you have taken the test referenced in this thread, you will find that one section judges one’s ability to interpret emotion from facial expressions. The site suggests that women are generally more capable of this interpretation than men. Extrapolating from this, it may be that women are more attuned to discrepancies between one’s words and one’s facial expressions. My limited experience has shown that my wife was far more likely than I was to pick up on strange little discrepancies in behavior. I don’t think that she was always right, but she got it right enough that I learned to trust her judgement over my own.
I’m not sure that all creepy people consciously try to make people uncomfortable. I think that some people who are creepy (not necessarily all) just have some creepy quality about them that they can’t control.
For me, there are two kinds of creepy: the non-deliberate kind I can live with and the somewhat deliberate kind (or very deliberate kind in some cases) that I can’t.
Take, for instance, a co-worker. He’s a really nice guy. But everytime I have to work with him, his hands start sweating profusely, and he just starts shaking. He also looks at me somewhat strangely. I’m not sure if this happens with other people, since when I’m working with him with other people, I’m obviously in his company, but it does weird me out, and there’s nothing he can do about the extremely sweaty hands, and probably nothing he can do about the shaking, either. He doesn’t seem to try to make me uncomfortable, but he does. He just seems so nervous and since I can’t pinpoint why and I don’t know if it’s just about me, it makes me nervous, too, and less likely to want to be around him. But he’s never been anything but very professional with me, so we can work effectively.
On the other hand, I once made the mistake of going to lunch with a guy who creeped me out. It was definitely the way he looked at me and there was something else, too. I thought it was a platonic lunch and genuinely felt guilty for being weirded out by the guy and thought that maybe if I got to know him better, I’d be more comfortable. However, during lunch, he told me he was in love with me and asked me to marry him. Very, very weird. When I said that I was sorry - I just didn’t feel the same way, he tried to kiss me. He wouldn’t let me out of his car until I flipped out and started screaming. That I absolutely can’t live with. Unfortunately, it’s hard for me to determine who’s benignly creepy and who’s not.