It exists. God help me, I’ve seen it. It’s not even close to the worst Star Wars porn that’s out there, though. There is Jabba porn, for instance.
And Ewok porn, Threepio porn, Jedi and Sith making innovative use of light sabers…
fapfapfapfapfap
Bastard. I was starting to hope no one had posted this one yet. You could also take away the strategic tear in Natalie Portman’s outfit in Attack of the Clones.
Cool, I bet the extended universe authors were fighting among themselves over the priviledge of writing his death scene. I like to think he escaped somehow, only to be fed to the sarlacc.
Ouch, I suppose we should be thankful Lucas never contracted scientology…
Didn’t we stone you already?
Have a few more atrocities to share:
- Add a Rocky style training montage to the end of Revenge of the Sith, as Palpaltine introduces his new apprentice to his sith powers. He could start off by force-choking kittens and mongooses (hey, he’s evil), before working his way up to the officer classes.
- Bollywood dance routine at the end of RotJ, including appearances from characters killed off over the six films.
- Throw in an homage to The Wizard of Oz. Instead of throwing Palpaltine down the shaft, Vader could chuck a bucket of water over him, causing him to melt. “My galaxy! My beautiful galaxy!”
- Cameo appearance by Lucas as a senator.
Re-do the metal bikini scene with the current Carrie Fisher
How could you tell?
Somebody had to say it.
Have the Jedi and Sith yell out their attacks when dueling:
“HYPER-POWER SABER STAB!”
“SUPER LIGHTNING STRIKE!”
“SITH FORCE CHOKE!”
“JEDI MIND TRICK!” (Well, maybe not that one.)
It would be/have been hilarious for Lucas to realize how much Jar Jar is despised, and allow the co-writers of the second trilogy (somehow I doubt Lucas wrote that shit all by himself) to go with that. And have Jar Jar constantly getting almost killed but miraculously saved by one thing or another to face an even crueler death, Kenny style, on and on.
Might have completely save the character for me (at least there’d be a concept).
ETA: post #28 wins the thread
“Eesa trap!”
Replace all the Ewoks with CGI Wookies.
Or would that be an improvement?
Given the difference in heights, you’d get a lot of shots of characters talking to wookie navels.
Or something lower.
“RArroAWRRR” (My eyes are up here, Princess!)
I’ve heard numerous fans claim that was the original idea for RotJ, and that the Ewoks replaced them when Lucas started going all “everything has to be cute and kid friendly!” I don’t recall ever hearing any of them say they thought the Ewoks were an improvement over the Wookies.
If you want Lucas to go the porn route, he could have Jar Jar become a Vietnamese stripper: “Meeso Hoony!”
Lucas has such a midget fetish that it’s easy to believe he always intended the natives to be small.
I think he tries to “fool” the audience into underestimating characters based on their appearance.
Yoda first appears small (and frail due to age), and the force gives him advantages that are not apparent at a glance.
The ewoks are small and innocent seeming (also with cutsy comedic scenes, like the ewoks stealing a hoverbike), but later kick butt when the tide of battle shifted the other way (about the time Chewie hijcked a walker).
Always saw the Ewoks as a parable for Viet-Congs.
And Der Thris, I read the same. Lucas originally wanted to go to the Wookies’ home planet but later settled for what he thought would be the invert of the Wookies, instead of big furry balls, he went for little ones. And, frankly, havent we all done that at least once in our life?
Too late; Jar-Jar Binks did that already…
Oh yeah, to address concerns over violence and animal cruelty:
-Clearly show the pilots of destroyed TIE fighters ejecting before their craft explodes. (I really hated this in GI Joe cartoons)
-Show that the tauntaun died of old age instead of the cold.
-Change the end of the ESB duel so that Vader just knocks the saber from Luke’s hand but doesn’t sever the hand. Repeat for every instance of a severed limb.