Replace lightsabers with oversized fluorescent dildos. Luke and Vader having a dildo slapfight on Cloud City would definitely take away some of the dignity of the scene.
Realizing he and Harrison Ford only almost got it right with the world-weary rogue they later perfected, Lucas replaces every shot of Han Solo with a computer-generated Indiana Jones; Greedo of course still shoots first, but only after our fedora-wearing hero has snaked his trusty bullwhip into position under the table…
Replace all the lightsabres with walkie-talkies.
No, light sabers replaced by Pez dispensers.
Who’s yah daddy?
With the current Mark Hamill
I think it’s more interesting to speculate in likely changes. I’m thinking a forced reference to JJB might be not be too unlikely.
If you’d told me he’d make it so Greedo shot first, I’d have said the same thing.
Together? It would annoy me. They’re mother and daughter! You’d need some kind of time machine as if that’s likely :rolleyes:
For the Star Wars geek with money to burn, Lucas, or his estate, will insert a CGI cameo of you into the original trilogy, replacing an existing minor character. You won’t be put into a private copy, but all future releases, ensuring your immortality. There are only a limited number of roles, so doing it this way will result in a bidding war. Richard Branson, John Travolta, Madonna, Al Gore, Tony Blair, Steve Jobs and Tom Cruise are the first to sign up.
For a cool $200 million, they will cut and paste you over a major character of your choice. Bill Gates is said to be interested.
I wanna play Porkins!
C3PO could officially come out and start hitting on R2D2. “R2, you stuck your thing in the freakin’ Death Star computer… can’t you probe me for once? I, too, have files that need to be read…”
Wait!
He could release a black and white “retro” version “What would have happened if Star Wars had been made in the 50s?”.
Then he could colorize it ala Ted Turner.
-Rewrite Obi-Wan so that he’s disdainful of non-force-sensitive people and that he clearly considers them inferior to the Jedi. He can tell Luke how it’s his destiny to restore the Jedi to power so that they can guide the under-men, culling the weak and keeping the muggles in their place.
-Make the Jedi Sparkly.
-Have Obi-Wan’s ghost flat out deny that he said Vader killed Lukes dad. No, he ALWAYS said that Vader was Lukes father.
Why wait for a denial after the event? Just re-dub Obi-Wan’s speech in Episode IV so that he never actually says what he said. Maybe instead he says, “Care for some lemonade? No? Okay.”, at that moment.
Of course since Alec Guiness is dead, you’ll need a different actor to dub the new line, whatever it is. For maximum annoyance, hire Gilbert Godfried.
All kidding aside, I’d love to hear Ewan McGregor dub Obi-Wan’s lines for complete honesty.
“Obi-Wan? There’s a name I haven’t heard since, oh, long before you were born – except for that time your mom called me ‘Obi-Wan’ right after you were born, of course. Anyway, here’s your father’s light-saber; he wanted you to have it when you were old enough. I’m guessing, of course; if I hadn’t taken it from him by hacking off his limbs before faking your death, he may well have gotten around to expressing a preference.”
The Max Rebo Band will be played by The Black Eyed Peas, including an original song written by Lucas.
During the climactic battle on Jabba’s ship, just before Leia chokes him to death…
Jabba shoots first.
-During Han and Leia’s kiss on the Falcon, Han shoots first.
This, my friends, is genius. Can you imagine the howls if Darth Vader addressed Lando as “boy” and “son” in a Southern accent?
“Pay attention, now, boy, Ah am, Ah say, Ah am al’erin’ tha deal. Pray Ah don’t al’er it any further, son.”