What movies of 2006 do you fear?

Cafe Society
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Take a gander over onto this site if you want a look at what’s coming up.

Let’s take a look, shall we?

Ooh! Bloodrayne! Right off the top! It’s an Uwe Boll picture, so I think we can safely say it’s gonna die a painful, painful death.

I personally have a problem with the direction of Munich, and I think it trivializes the actual events of Munich, which is a problem in any movie which bills itself as Munich. Without spoiling anything, let me merely say that I expected the flick to have something more to do with the events of the Munich terrorist case, not some psycho-booskey fictional guilt trip.

Hoodwinked. Gah, just shoot me.

I didn’t dislike the first Underworld, particularly, but a January release of UNderowld Evolution does not fill me with hope.

Big Momma’s House 2: 'nuff said.

Final Destination 3. 'nuff said again.

Scary Movie 4. I kinda liked the 3rd one, probably because I didn’t see 1 or 2, bur man, isn’t this maybe milking it too far?

Garfield 2. Wow. Just wow.

Die Hard 4. Whoa. I sincerely hope this does well, but I’m not hopeful. Willis has been all over the map lately, between a great turn in Sin City and that crappy sequel where he was a mobster hitman in the witness protection program.

Gladiator 2. Heh? Is this even a sequel to the first one? If so, how? It’s not like it left any open ends in the plot.

Rendevous with Rama. The book was extremely intellectualy and actualkly pretty dry. But I’m not certain if yu could actually make a movie out of it.

Rush Hour 3. 2 Wasn’t actually bad, but it didn’t have the neat tempo of the original. And I just don’t see them getting that back. I love Jackie Chan, but most American studios just don’t seem to understand how to use him right. Plus, he’s getting kinda old now.

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Is “all of them” an acceptable answer?

Beyond the ones you noted (and this took a few minutes because I passed out after reading “Garfield 2”):

The Shaggy Dog: If only because Robert Downey Jr. is now in a Disney movie. It’s about time toddlers learned the proper way to cut their breakfast on a mirror.

Curious George: Why? Really. I defy you to give me a good reason.

The Da Vinci Code: Just because it needs to go away.

Charlotte’s Web: Is there a concerted attempt to actually keep kids FROM reading? Or is that to keep adults FROM writing. You tell me.

Miami Vice: HAHAHAHAAAAA. I can only pray for white suits.

Snakes on a Plane: Only because I think this movie is actually about snakes…on a plane. Thrilling plot devices abound.

The Santa Clause 3: I was nervous we would stopped at 2.

Man. That hurt me deep inside.

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Basic Instinct 2. Maybe…mayyyyybe I’ll go see it if there’s another beaver shot.

Silent Hill. Didn’t like the games, probably won’t like the movie.

Fast and Furious 3…now with more fury-osity.

Die Hard 4…now with more…hard…osity…ugh.

30 Days of Night. Bwuh?

Iron Fist, with cameos from Luke Cage, Moon Knight, Namorita and the Power Kids.

Preacher. Now with more…er…wait, what? For real?

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I meant to add: Sweet. Garth Ennis rules.

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Believe it or not, it is.

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Like we really need MORE Dakota Fanning.

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Regarding…

Die Hard 4 - I might be wrong but I’m pretty sure they are still in preproduction and filming won’t start for a little while. I’m pretty confident that it won’t happen in 2006. I’ll have to reserve any more comments or speculation for when I can look at a full crew. The writers aren’t anything to write home about and the only cast I know of is Bruce Willis.

Miami Vice - Michael Mann wrote and produced the series and has done some very good work since then (The insider is one of my favorite movies, Collateral isn’t bad either). I never much liked the series, but if anyone is qualified to make a movie on it, it’s him. The trailer doesn’t look all that bad, either.

Now for additions and ones I agree with…

The Pink Panther - When a movie is pushed from a summer release to a dead of winter release, that ain’t good.

Revolver - The mighty Guy Ritchie has fallen. The early reviews are nothing short of terrible and it’s a winter release.

Underworld:Evolution, the search for plot. The first one was unwatchable and this one is a sequel. I didn’t like the trailer, either.

Bloodrayne - It’s directed by Uwe Boll. 'Nuff said. You might as well add every movie released in 2006 based on a video game (this sounds like a video game, I don’t play them at all, so I don’t really know).

V for Vendetta - The trailer fails to engage me and this seems to be the Directors debut (with the exception of Assistant Director work which isn’t a terrible common pathway). The Wachowski Brothers wrote it but really their only real success is the first Matrix. Natalie Portman is in it so I’ll probably see it.

MI3 - saw the trailer and it looked really bad. J.J. Abrams has directed a number of TV shows (none of which I like - Felicity, Lost, Alias). But wait, he did write the screenplay for armageddon…oh wait.

Poseidon - The trailer looks kinda dumb. I just have a bad feeling about this one, I don’t really know why.

Pirates of the Caribbean 2 - same as poseidon, bad trailer. I liked the first one and I love Johnny Depp but I just figure it’ll be more of the same - which would probably end up doing nothing but lowering my opinion of the first one.

Garfield 2 - How the f**k did this even get made?

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Perhaps it won’t be out in 2006, but I saw in Sunday’s Parade magazine that Wilmer Valderrama has signed up to do a movie version of CHiPs. I suppose it was too much to hope that Dukes of Hazzard taught Hollywood anything.

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[saturday night live]

This is your Captain speaking . . . There are now eleven giant cobras loose in the passenger cabin, and several in the cockpit. I myself have just been bitten. The neurotoxic venom is coursing through my veins and I see an old Indian beckoning me to follow him beyond the sand dunes. In this painful and deranged moment I would like to thank you for flying Saturday Night Airlines . . .

[/snl]

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Glory Road – Mere words cannot express my disappointment that this does not appear to be an adaptation of a Heinlein novel. :frowning:

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After Dumb and Dumberer, you still have a capacity for astonishment?!

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We get to see Odie’s dark side!

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The thing about this is, Dumb and Dumber was successful. They fooled a good number of people in the theatres thinking Jim Carrey was going to be back. I can sort of see the thought process behind this one.

But Garfield? It was absolutely terrible.

**Actually in research for this post, I discovered it made 75 million at the box office. Nevermind, I was under the impression it was a flop.

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Just as long as there is not another live-action movie based on a Dr. Seuss book, 2006 will not have hit bottom.

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Sure this is a real project? I couldn’t find an IMDB entry.

And Snakes on a Plane is the movie I’m most looking forward to in 2006.

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Nooo! If this does well, it’ll be followed up by Spiders On A Train, Skunks On A Bus, and Mike Tyson On The Subway.

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I heard an awful rumor that they’re making Rocky VI. Say it ain’t so, Sly!

Regarding Garfield 2, I pray that Jennifer Love Hewitt promotes it on The Daily Show. I never saw the first interview, but heard it was awesome. Does Comedy Central archive the interviews? Could somebody link to it, please please please! (Not the general page…on dialup it takes far too long to scroll through them. But I’ll spend the time downloading a movie clip of it.)

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Disney’s releasing something called “Apocalypto”?

There’s a BAYWATCH movie coming out? :eek:

I really need to start digging that fallout shelter, don’t I?

Otherwise…X3 and Superman will be coming next year. I figure they’ll either be unexpectedly pleasant and cool, or they’ll bomb harder than the Enola Gay.

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Funny thing is, it could make a really great popcorn movie. Here’s the thing…

The game Bloodrayne is about a sexy Vampire sdlaughtering Nazi’s. Seriously. That’s more or less the whole game. Why would you want anything else?

Sexy vampire… Nazi killing.

Sexy vampire… Nazi killing.

See? Doesn’t that just work for you? :smiley:

But no. Uwe Boll had to go off and change it. There are no Nazi’s and it takes place in Romania in the 18th century or something. Urk.

Man, an actual Bloodrayne movie wouldhave been great, though. Sexy vampire… Nazi killing. You don’t have to have much of a plot, or even great SFX. Just make the movie a little campy, very gory, and with more than a hint of humor to the whole grim proceedings, and it practically writes itself.

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Gladiator 2: The Congealing.