Wheelz, that’s a minirant that needs to be delivered to their faces, preferably with half the office staff looking on (unless they already got that once, and that’s why they choose to transgress in stairwells and hallways).
This spring, a couple of mourning doves took residence in our neighborhood, and have been hanging out every morning near our house. At first, I thought it was cute. But I discovered that, right around dawn, they begin calling to each other. Which in and of itself would be very sweet - if they didn’t do it for 3 fucking hours, right outside my goddamn office. I have calls with folks in Europe starting at 6:30, the whole time it’s - “COO COO. . . COO COO. . . COO. . . COO COO”. Someone on the other end of the line actually heard it over my headset once and asked if I was taking the call from a pigeon coop.
I’m seriously considering taking up hunting.
NO! DON’T DO IT!
If, as I suspect from the symptoms, m7♭5’s stepmom is suffering from pre-cognitive echolalia, then changing what she’s going to say, just to discomfit the stepmom could set up a paradox with the potential to completely disrupt the laws of causality
You don’t want to destroy the universe all in one go, do you?
After you finish off the doves, could you come over to our house? There is a woodpecker who has discovered that he can make a really loud noise by pecking a metal piece on our chimney. “Come and get it ladies! Look who’s got the hardest beak in the neighborhood!”
People stand in front of my fucking desk and chat. I want to put a sign saying “Not the office water cooler”.
You should totally ask them if they would like for you to provide them with a glass of water. Whatever their response is to the question, you can point them toward the water cooler.
This happens to me all the time! My desk is right at the doorway, so people will come in and feel they have to say something. Then, the talkative lady in the next cube wants to get in on the fun, so she will come over and stand behind me. Now I’ve got two people chatting over my head. Someone sees this from afar and it looks like a party in the making, so they join us! I’ve had up to five people hanging over me at once, just shooting the shit while I type and answer the phone. If I didn’t concentrate on seeing the humor in this, I would [del]kill them. Kill them every one. [/del] be sad.
And after THAT, I’ve got a lot of grackles. And squirrels. Boy, do I have squirrels. Anyone fancy some chicken fried squirrel, or squirrel stew? Possibly I could whip up one of those short capelets, the kind that just cover your shoulders, out of American vair. It’ll have to be brown and white, though, not bluegrey and white, as is traditional. Cause I have brown squirrels. Fat ones, too.
Okay, THAT you should start typing on your computer, in a REALLY big font, so the lady standing behind you can read it, strikethroughs and all.
[Arlo Guthrie]I wanna kill! Kill, kill, KILL, KILL! [/AG] 
OK, you were clearly exceeding the speed limit, so that’s gonna be another violation…
In our previous building, I used to have a desk that apparently was in a very attractive socializing location. I feel your pain.
Fortunately that’s not the case any more, but the tradeoff is that there’s less open space here, so every time I have to leave my desk I’m heading through a damn obstacle course.
The only thing I am grateful for is I eventually wised up to this and moved my desk so they can’t get behind me easily. So at least I don’t have people looking over my shoulder. But I get the exact same situation as you - it becomes a social situation! My desk is even by the door. I don’t mind chit-chatting, sometimes, but I was not even talking to you so why are you here?
It’s really a damn shame I can’t see a *Dilbert *anymore with thinking about what a sexist shitbag Scott Adams is.
Is he? Did not know. Why? What did he do?
[QUOTE=Scott Adams]
The reality is that women are treated differently by society for exactly the same reason that children and the mentally handicapped are treated differently. It’s just easier this way for everyone. You don’t argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn’t eat candy for dinner. You don’t punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don’t argue when a women tells you she’s only making 80 cents to your dollar.
[/QUOTE]
He’s also apparently a fan of intelligent design.
My jaw actually dropped at that. Well, I never! I was going to buy a Dilbert calendar this year, too, but I guess he just doesn’t need any of my 80 cents.
Kloppenburg, I’m happy that it looks like you came out on top, I really am. But the current tally has you ahead by barely more than 200, in a race where you and your main opponent *each *received over seven hundred thousand votes. This is not the time to be declaring victory; wait until after Prosser’s concession or until a recount verifies your election.
I did NOT know that either. SFG, consider yourself a fighter of ignorance. Now, in the same vein … mind giving me a little clue about WTF that last one was all about? Local politics, I presume?
(Also, this is the third time I’ve almost left the restroom with a portion of my skirt tucked into my underpants* and all I can think now is, “Who decided it was a good idea for me to leave the house this morning?”)
- 20% funner that way (bonus nerd jokes if you get the reference)