So where are you to be getting thunder - it’s still sweltering and clear here (nr Bath)
Maybe Saddam Hussein is behind it.
Yeah, but it’s a dry heat…** Schnauzer**, let me know how hot you are after you suffer through a summer (June-Sept.) with 100 days with temps. over 100F. Here, you break a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. before work. (five minutes after, would be more accurate. It was 81F. this morning at 6:00AM)
It’s So Hot In Arizona That…"
The birds have to use pot holders to pull worms out of the ground.
The potatoes cook underground, and all you have to do to have lunch is to pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.
Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs.
The cows are giving evaporated milk.
The trees are whistling for the dogs.
You no longer associate bridges (or rivers) with water. (true)
You can say 113 degrees without fainting. (true)
You eat hot chilies to cool your mouth off.
You can make instant sun tea. (almost true) takes about 10 minutes
You learn that a seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
(true)
The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly.
(true at times)
You discover that in July, it takes only 2 fingers to drive your car.
(true)
You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.
(true)
You notice the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance. (true)
Hot water now comes out of both taps. (true, in an Arizona city they installed a water cooler a few years back because they were forced to use water from a natural hot water well – about the right temp for bathwater when it comes out of the ground.
people were told at one time to turn off their water heaters and draw cooler water from the hot water tap, and get hot water from the other until they could get the coolers installed)
It’s noon in July, kids are on summer vacation, and not one person is on the streets or in the parks. (true)
You actually burn your hand opening the car door. (true)
No one would dream of putting vinyl upholstery in a car or not having air conditioning. (absolutely true)
Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, “What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?”
(hahaha- depending on how rare you like your meat)
However, you can cook eggs on the hot pavement or sidewalks.
“I think the last time we did the egg-frying thing was in 1990, when it hit 122 on June 26. It was so hot that some big jets were grounded at Sky Harbor International Airport.”
You realize that asphalt has a liquid state. (not really, but it does gets gummy in the parking lot at my company.)
You want inane heat-related sayings? Try living in the Deep South of the U.S., aka the “Bible Belt.”
“You think this is hot, you’d better make sure you don’t go to Hell.”
Also in the Deep South, here’s how I respond…
It ain’t the heat… it’s the stupidity.
You will never ever hear me complain that it’s too warm. I am a hairless ape. My body is not suited for living in a climate where I have to put on protective clothing in order not to freeze to death in wintertime.
Reminds me of an ancient Mad Magazine gag by Dave Berg:
Man: “If I hear one more person say ‘It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity,’ I’m going to scream!”
Woman: “Me, too!”
Unsuspecting aquaintance: “Wow, it’s hot! But they say it’s not the heat, it’s the humidity…”
Man and Woman: “AAAAHHHHH”
Unsuspecting aquaintance, now alone: "You know, it’s NOT the heat, and it’s not the humidity either.
It’s all that SCREAMING!"
I use public toilets and I piss on the seat.
I walk around in the summertime saying, “How about this heat?”
I’m an asshole. (He’s an asshole. What an asshole.)
I’m an asshole. (The world’s biggest asshole.)
–Denis Leary, Asshole
It’s so hot here a fart won’t rise. Whenever you cut one you can hear it bounce off the floor.
Funny, no one mentioned the “Wouldn’t a cold bottle of <name your poisen> taste good right now?” adage.
(They’ll always say it when there’s no liquid refreshment within 2 miles and smile as your mouth turns to cotton)
What I love is (usually on the internet): I’m sooooo glad for my central air conditioning!
I would be too, if I had any! Party at your house, dude!
Here in Baltimore, I get treated to such witisisms as ‘Hey, who left the oven on?’
Har, har, har.
It sucks even worse when you’re allergic to the heat and the sun, and people who know this, all summer long, say things like ‘I’m so glad it’s summer. How can you not be outside enjoying these beautiful 95 degree days?’
And then I have to say ‘Cause just like yesterday, it’s still life-threatening for me to be out in it.’
Tourists and people from up north always ask me 'how do you live in this heat?" I’m like I dunno.
What irks me worse then the heat comment is when people say
“Have a nice one” when you are leaving their presence.
Aaauuurrrggghh!!!
It’s the heat…
AND
the humidity!!!
Oh man, catsix, I deal with this all the time. “Man, don’t you love this great summer weather?”. No, in fact I hate it. I have allergies. Being outside in summer weather makes me sick and miserable. And stop saying “aah, it can’t be that bad”. Fuck you. Yes it can.
I’m a meteorology freak, but I HATE banal weather chit-chat.
“Sure is hot today”
“Gee, great weather, eh?”
“What a nice sunny day”
Just…shut up.
I can’t wait for winter. I like my skies cloudy, my temperatures cold and my allergies gone.
Well, then do something about it!
[sub]Little Mark Twain ref, there[/sub]
Southern Arizona. We got up to 45 celsius the other day. ANd that’s with the ‘heat index’ or anything, just the temp.
So kwit yer bitchin’
I’m in your camp, Trigonal. I have hives right now because I’m allergic to the fucking heat. If it’s over 72 out there, it’s too warm to be safe for me.
I will be dancing outside when it’s February, 20 degrees, there’s two feet of snow and it’s dark at 6 pm. That is beautiful weather, because I can go outside and enjoy it.
I don’t fault anybody for liking the summer weather, but it annoys the piss out of me to have them continually tell me there’s something wrong with my brain because I don’t.
‘What, you don’t like bright sunshine and hot days? But that’s shorts weather! You must be crazy!’
Just as bad as “Hot enough for you?” is “Why did you make it so hot?” That wasn’t even funny the first time it was said.