What makes you and your close friends close? I’ve been feeling philosophical recently, and this question popped into my head.
I don’t know if you’d call this a quality, but we have the same open minded views towards everything. She is the yin to my yang, I am the popular, funny upperclass girl that everybody’s friends with, she’s the gothic-wannabe complete with the no makeup and black clothing. Somewhere in there we love eachother and I couldn’t get along with anyone else in the world better than I get along with her.
I love my friends because they are loyal, openminded, funny, and honest. Oh, I love them because they are them and I wouldn’t want anyone else but them.
I love my friends because they don’t laugh when I do something stupid.
Okay, they don’t laugh TOO hard.
I love my friends because they laugh when I do something stupid.
I like them because they can stand me for prolonged periods of time without getting (too) bored.
i like them because in a month i will be shot of a fair few of them, and it cant hurt to say i like them when they are going away, they cant hold it against me :)
oh, and they are a laugh.
Honesty. I need people who can tell me if I really look ok in this outfit. I need someone who can say that my new haircut is the worst thing they’ve seen since their son found the scissors. I need someone who will mention something when I’ve got stuff in my teeth. Therefore, when they tell me that something looks great on me, I believe them!
Tough. We call each other names. We insult each other constantly. Not a single person in my group can make a verbal typo without being descended upon like a pack of hyenas. It’s expected. We like it. If I let an opportunity for a perfect insult to pass, people start taking my temperature. Which all relates to my next point…
A similar sense of humour. We’re all a bit twisted, and we’re all twisted in the same way.
Not too girly, not too butch. Kind of hard to define, but none of us are huggy/touchy/feely kinds of people. A bit jaded, a bit cynical, no girly shop-til-you-drop stereotypes, complete with chick-flicks. On the other hand, you won’t catch us all getting tickets to a football game, either.
Similar parenting styles. I find that I have more in common with other parents, or people who are generally close to at least one child. We can have everything in common, but if you come over with your child, and you either discipline too strongly (Nazi Mom - come here while mommy hits you with something big), or not enough (Yeah, go ahead - destroy my house!), then things aren’t going to work out.
Respectful, which can cover a lot of area. For all of our insults, they are meant in the kindest way. No malice behind them, or they wouldn’t be fun. When push comes to shove, we respect each other. When we disagree on issues, we are able to discuss them without having it turn into anything personal, and even though we’ll explore the issues, we respectfully agree to disagree. I had two friends make disasterous marriage decisions. I tactfully spoke to them once each on reconsidering, and then totally let the issue drop forever. Their life, their decision. I can respect that. And I get the same in return.
Polite. For all of our other attributes, we are all terribly polite as a matter of instinct. You won’t catch one of us forgetting to thank a stranger for holding the door open. And on a similar note, we don’t swear much either, and not at all if any kids are within listening distance.
Intelligence. We have vastly different levels of education, so that’s not what I’m talking about. But all of my friends are intelligent. Quick on the mental draw, good vocabulary (which is a prerequisite for conversation here), well read.
I may not have a ton of close friends, but I wouldn’t trade the ones I have for anything. We care about each other, damnit.
“ladyfoxfyre
I don’t know if you’d call this a quality, but we have the same open minded views towards everything. She is the yin to my yang, I am the popular, funny upperclass girl that everybody’s friends with, she’s the gothic-wannabe complete with the no makeup and black clothing. Somewhere in there we love eachother and I couldn’t get along with anyone else in the world better than I get along with her.”
I don’t know why, ladyfoxfyre, but you two sound like the teenagers from American Beauty. Here’s hoping it doesn’t end up like that, though.
What do I look for in a friend? Well, for me, it’s pretty complicated. My parents are from Bangladesh, but I was born American. You can imagine how many friends I had growing up in TENESSEE. I had, maybe, a friend or two a year. And even then, they were probably just my friends to get things. So, above all, the most important thing in a friendship is loyalty.
My current best friends are two girls whom I have nothing in common with. Two lesbian white girls who play softball and hang out with skaters and goths. Still, they probably emotionally understand me better than a lot of people I’ve met. My friends don’t have to be like me or opposite to me, they just have to be able to relate to me. It sounds corny, but it’s true.
It’s funny how difficult this is to put into words.
Thinking about my best friend in particular, I would say the most important quality is a loyalty that is infused with honestly. We are extremely loyal to each other, but that doesn’t stop us from saying what we think, even if it is sometimes harsh. In fact, I consider her my touchstone for reality sometimes. When I need a “reality check,” she’s the only one I want to confer with on some issues. Even with my SO, I sometimes wonder “is he telling me I’m right because he thinks I’m wonderful, or does he really think I’m right?” Not that he would lie, just that our relationship colors his opinion.
I can depend on her for anything. If she called and said she needed me to meet her somewhere immediately, I would do it no questions asked, even if it was the middle of the night. I would do this because I know she would never ask if it wasn’t important.
We fit well as best friends because we have similar priorities. We both think family and friends are extremely important. In a more day-to-day sense, we are both pretty laid back. If we plan to go to a movie, and we get to the theater and it is sold out, we will go have a drink. If the bar we want to go to is closed, we will go another bar. If we can’t find another bar, we will sit on a bench and talk about stuff. We are perfectly happy just spending time together, regardless of the actual activity. There are some people with whom I hate making plans because I know any minor glitch will send them into a nervous breakdown.
I think she has a great sense of humor, but we realized recently that this actually works against us. We still laugh ourselves silly over stupid things that happened in 9th grade (we’re in our 30s now) which is not at all impressive to anyone else around us.
Strangely enough (or maybe not so strange) we don’t share many interests or hobbies. But I respect and am impressed by her knowledge of the things she likes, and this is mutual.
My friends:
Have decent manners.
Pay their own way.
Don’t ask me for advice I am not qualified to give.
Think the words “poop”, “cutlet” and “shrimp” are really funny.
There are two qualities above all else that I have to have seen and valued in anybody before I call them “friend”.
Firstly, they have to be smart. Whether ‘smart’ means intelligent, wise, witty, or just clever–people who have dull thoughts don’t interest me.
Secondly–they must possess the ability to love.
Even if someone is world-weary, jaded, or cynical…they should still have the capacity somewhere within themselves to love and know what it means…even if they feel like it always eludes them.
My best friend said that he surrounds himself with people that he see as being better than him; that way he will be more motivated to improve himself. While I took that as a very high compliment, it kind of goes against what I look for in a friend: a peer - someone who shares enough common interests and likes to keep conversation going.
Loyalty, integrity, open-mindedness, tolerance, reciprocation of affection and the ability to see past superficial aspects into a person’s genuine qualities and appreciate them for it.
My friends complement me perfectly. Whatever one of us is lacking in, another has completely. For instance, I’m flighty as a bumblebee; Gunslinger darlin’ is the most thorough person I’ve ever met. He evens me out. My friend Sara is a realistic person; I’m imaginative. We were always the perfect pair to do school projects. Together, my friends and I are more than the sum of our parts. (Very few of my friends actually know each other, so this is really a “pair” thing rather than a group thing, but it still holds quite true.)
The list of things I can sum up in one word each: loyalty, trust, fun, smart, and understanding.
Loyalty - I don’t know how many times I’ve had a ‘friend’ that was just getting close to see what they could get out of me. (Okay, so I’m overly generous. Don’t try to take advantage of me!)
Smart - You gotta be able to hold an intelligent conversation, at least every now and then.
Fun - Life can be pretty boring without someone to bring the funny bits to light.
Honesty - Okay, I know that honesty and loyalty are pretty closely tied together, but it is a seperate thing. You gotta be able to say what you want, and expect them to respond in like manner. Even if you don’t agree on something, it’s good to know where you stand.
I’ve never been able to state this without someone thinking I’m an asshole, but hopefully there are enough people similar to me that will understand what I’m trying to say.
First off, I’ve always preferred a few close friends to a large number of just plain friends. I’m very uncomfortable with crowds and as such I tend to prefer small groups better. I also just find it easier to maintain a few strong relationship than a lot of superficial ones.
When I was a kid, I was a geek, you may be surprised to know. I didn’t have a lot in common with the few kids on my street, and I went to a school that was across town, so my school friends didn’t live near me. Consequently, I spent a lot of time having to amuse myself. And I did a pretty good job of it.
As a result, I don’t have much of a problem with being alone. On the contrary, I sometimes prefer it. So here’s the part that I can’t explain well without sounding more like a jerk than I really intend, so I’ve stopped trying. I don’t have a problem with being alone, so I like it when peoples’ presence is better than their absence. I can take their absence.
My close friends, in addition to many of the qualities above, are people I don’t mind having around. In fact, if I find I often miss them and want to be with them, I know I’ve struck gold.
I’m really not that bad, I just don’t know how to explain it better. Does anyone understand what I’m trying to say?