Why do you like your friends?

Please bear with me, this is a deeply-felt question. I really hope to get thoughtful answers.

Think of the 2 or 3 people you like best, with whom you do not have, nor are interested in having, a sexual or romantic relationship.

Then please articulate why you like them, why you like to spend time with them, what the relationship gives you.

Also, if you like, please rate yourself on a scale of 0 to 10, where 0 represents someone totally afraid of all human contact, and 10 represents someone who absolutely can never be alone.
Roddy

I like my closest friends first and foremost because they listen to me. Since my primary means of dealing with any situation – whether I’m happy, sad, excited, anxious, angry, or anything else – is to talk about it, I need friends who are willing to let me share. For me the absolute best time spent with friends is spent just talking, sharing thoughts about our lives.

I also like people with the same interests as me, who will engage with me in the activities that I enjoy, because it’s usually more fun to do something with a friend than alone.

Your scale doesn’t really work for me. If 0 represents someone who is afraid of all human contact, then I’m a 10, because I love human contact. But if 10 represents someone who can never be alone, then I’m a 0, because I have no problem being alone. Does that make me a 5?

This is the biggest reason why I like my friends. Plus, when women sit and talk intimately, oxytocin, the bonding hormone, is released, making you feel even closer and more warm and fuzzy towards each other.

On your scale, I’d say I’m a 4 or so. I do like people to an extent- I’m not a misanthrope- but I do need a lot of alone time.

I think all of my closest friends and I have the same sense of humor, same love of family and are fairly intelligent.

I don’t have any friends who wouldn’t get my jokes, who don’t visit their parents or siblings at least once a week, or who would fail miserably at Trivial Pursuit.

My very bestus friend, who has all of those traits, also is like a brother to me. And a girl friend (he’s not gay tho). And sometimes a husband. We have a deep deep sense of loyalty to each other even though we’re hardly around each other anymore.

I’m about a 6. I can do fine in big groups of people but I don’t ever set out to make new friends.

Yes, I guess so. I confess the scale isn’t well thought out. Let’s say, for the sake of argument, a perfectly balanced person who is both comfortable with people and comfortable being alone, would be a 5.
Roddy

The have a similar sense of humor, also a certain amount of cynicism. What I get from them is really good laughs, great joking around sessions. Mostly, what I get from my close friends is a chance to blow off some steam. On your scale, I guess I’m a 3 or 4.

I’m not sure where I would rank myself on your scale. I like my alone time, but I’m a pretty social person as well. I guess I’m a 7ish?

What I like best about my closest friends is that they are very positive and caring people. We’re quite like minded and we enjoy the same things. Even when bad things happen they find a way to find a positive spin to put on things and try again.

That’s easy.

First, there’s Stephanie. She’s funny, cute, intelligent, and likes most of the same shows/books/movies that I do. We can, and have, talked for hours at a time, without ever repeating ourselves. She kind of breaks the rules for your list, as we had a sexual relationship at one point, but we were friends long before that, and still are, even though we’re no longer a couple.

Louise. She’s been my best friend for 14 years. She’s much like Stephanie, in that she’s funny, cute, and intelligent. We have little in common with each other, aside from music and our birthdays being 15 days apart. We’ve always been there for each other, even when one of us has done something boneheaded that left everyone else we know not speaking to us. (In my case, getting arrested for slapping a minor. In her case, for choosing to believe her boyfriend instead of everyone else when he beat her youngest son.)

She’s been through hell with her life, and still strong enough to stand up for her decisions. She’s humble enough to admit when she’s wrong, and she’s very protective of those she loves. Plus she’s a total tomboy.

Then there’s Bear, one of the few guys I’m friends with. He’s hard working, smart, and one of the kindest guys I know. He’ll go out of his way to help anyone, even to the point of giving the shirt off his back to someone who needs it. (I’ve seen him do that, twice.) I would trust him with my life, and have done just that a time or two.

There’s Edward, the 2nd of the 3 guys I’m friends with. He’s hard working, has a great sense of humor, and like Bear, he’ll help anyone he can. Despite being big into religion, he doesn’t try to convert anyone, and never condemns others for their choices. He’s quite strong willed, and 1 of the 2 people I know who never cusses. The worst I’ve ever heard him say was that he was pissed, and it takes major stupidity on someone’s part to get him to say that.
She definitely breaks your rules for the list, since I’m madly in love with her, but the friendship came first.

Finally, there’s Pepi. The 3rd of the 3 guys I’m friends with. We’ve been friends for almost 20 years now. Our friendship started out based on video games, and eventually we became best friends, to the point where he’s my brother in all ways but blood. (He even calls my mom mama.) He’s gone from being an extreme introvert who was picked on at school to the point that he dropped out, to being a happily married man who’s just as hard working as his father, which is saying something. The fact that he could change his life so much is just amazing.

What I get from all of my friends is the strength to face the world, even through crippling depression that often has left me suicidal. They’ve all stuck with me through thick and thin, and I’ve done the same for them.

As for your scale, I’d probably be a 3.

Because they are opened hearted, I think, every one of them. They possess honesty and integrity and have compassion and lovingkindness for their fellows. I don’t just like them, I esteem them. Each one.

My dearest friends have many of the same interests that I do, and a similar sense of humor, and are quite intelligent. We swap books, and it’s great to find a new favorite author because of this. If I tell a joke or funny story, my friends will know what I’m talking about, and laugh with me, and if they tell me something, I’ll laugh at the same time they did.

My friends don’t talk about the latest episode of a TV show, for the most part, or sports.

I’m probably a 3 or 4 on the sociability scale. I enjoy socializing, but I really need a lot of alone time. When I visit my family, and stay in my parents’ house, I need to retreat for a few hours each day, or I will go right out of my mind.

Your guy friends aren’t cute or that just doesn’t matter for male friends?

Never thought about it actually. From the point of view of someone who’s attracted to males, they would probably be considered cute.

Don’t take my description of my friendships with women being determined by how they look. I wouldn’t care if they looked like they’d been dragged face first through a forest of ugly trees, they’d still be my friends.

The first thing that attracted me to my closest friends were our similar sense of humor. I’m fairly shy around strangers but if someone makes me laugh or I make someone laugh then I immediately think they are a potential friend.

We like the same types of movies, tv, books and video games so if one us tells another one that they would really like X then we usually do.

They are good people and if asked will help out with whatever.

My friends are typically fat guys or hot chicks. I guess that means I like my friends because they have boobs.

I’m probably a 7.5.

They make me laugh, and I trust them. I’m not sure how I’d rate myself. I’m a social person and a misanthrope at the same time. I have a lot of fun going out and talking to people, and I have a lot of fun all alone doing absolutely nothing. I’d give myself a 5.5.

My best friend isn’t afraid to call me out. I like her because she tells it like it is. She’s a very strong and determined person, and I admire that.