Nope. “Apathy” and “introversion” are two different animals.
Honestly, the only one who can do a proper evaluation is a mental healthcare specialist who actually sees the girl in person. The rest of us are guessing via teh intarwebz. If nothing else, an evaluation will put the worry to rest. Maybe nothing’s wrong… but wouldn’t it be nice to know that for sure?
I’m not saying it’s impossible, but Jeeze, everyone seems to be pushing meds already (A slight hyperbole, admittedly).
I don’t recall anyone even mentioning meds. Symptoms, yes, possible diagnoses, yes, counseling, yes. But I certainly didn’t say a word about meds myself and if anyone else did, it was pretty sparse since I don’t recall it.
Getting a diagnosis, if one exists, is a more immediate concern than coming up with a treatment plan. Cart before horse, and all.
Besides which, a lot of us are very familiar with the common symptoms, and this girl has a few. And her mom, who is in a better position than any of us to understand her, is worried. And there are a hell of a lot of people who have no idea they’re clinically depressed, until they get treatment – it is the only thing they know, after all, and can’t know that it can be better until it is better. I’ve known a few people like that. Hell, one of 'em has been in denial that anything is wrong for 30+ years.
Anyway, the only qualified judge of whether these apparent symptoms are personality or pathology is someone with a mental health degree.
And I would recommend getting second and third opinions. Not everyone graduated at the top of their class, so to speak, and unfortunately in my experience there is greater variation on this in mental health than in any other healthcare field.
She really sounds like a normal teenager to me. Moody, introverted, somewhat apathetic and a little bit judgmental and self-centered. Perfectly normal.
Anyone who’s been on this boards a while knows I’m surely not pushing meds.
There is no clear line between “depression/social disorders/anxiety issues” and “normal behavior.” All definitions of illness have a cultural element, and none more so than mental illness. No doubt there are millions of people who spend their lives alone in their rooms who live full and fulfilling lives.
But I also have watched some brilliant, funny, beautiful and talented friends of mine waste their entire lives away and it’s sad. We are reaching our 30s, and they have never had real jobs, never traveled, never achieved a goal, never really worked towards something…They don’t even have memories of the good old days, since they spent most of high school and college playing video games. All because they never learned to live for even an evening outside of their comfort zone.
Our teen years are a time when we gather experiences and develop the habits that will follow us in our lives. If you don’t learn to live outside your comfort zone, and you don’t learn how to build social networks, that will be a liability in your life. It may be one you are willing to take on and that is your decision. But this girl is a teen, and it’d be a shame if some funk she was going through set a pattern that followed her forever. Especially when (IMHO) it’s pretty easy to break out of these patterns.
I’ll add my voice to the whole “Hey, that sounds just like me!” file.
First thing is, stop bulldozing. There’s willpower and then there’s won’tpower. Some of us have enormous won’tpower, and will be able to resist any and all attempts to make us do something that we do not want to do.
You have to find out what she DOES want to do, and be ready to help her in it. But whatever you do, do not take the first thing she admits liking and run away with it. She’ll just shut down even more, and never tell you about what she likes again.
It’s madness, but sometimes the best thing you can do for your child is let them be. That doesn’t mean abandoning her to potential depression and social issues. But it does mean giving her a lot of space.
Have you tried just coming right out and talking to her about why you’re worried? You might be surprised at the results you get when you make the conversation about you, not her, thus avoiding the issue of shunning being the centre of attention.
The only thing worse than raising a teenager is being one. 
Remember that she’s in a state of flux. She could change any moment, or never. She might change when she gets to college and finds others on her mental wavelength (I sure did).
That said, I think we need to define the bounds of how worried you should be.
She has friends. That’s good. She texts with them, which seems weird, but is pretty normal for teenagers these days.
Spending all your time in your room with your door shut is also quite normal for teens. They’re making the painful and wobbly transition from child to adult, and so they need a place where they can be alone, sort through their emotions, with no distractions, no demands, and just kind of… find their own level.
She’s getting decent grades. You haven’t mentioned her eating, so I’m assuming it’s normal.
She’s obviously an introvert. That’s not bad, just different than you. She’ll always need a lot of alone time. Accept that, and don’t push.
Above all, relax. Don’t assume you’re doing something wrong… teenagers are complicated and random and it’s never easy. If you relax, chances are she’ll relax, and stop worrying about what you’re going to push her into next, or what question you’ll ask, and she just might open up to you.
She sounds a lot like me at that age.
Problem: Social angst/ shitty peers
Solution: Moving away to university. Far away. Where no-one she grew up with is going.
LOL! Damned good point!
here I sit, alone, in my room, typing text… 
Yeah, nothing worse than someone trying to express sympathy for someone in pain and do their best to help that person. What horrible, horrible people! Everyone should be brutally cold and callous to one another.
C’mon, at least give the people credit for good intentions. They might not be doing the right thing to help, but at least they give a damn.
But when your “trying to express sympathy” is clearly causing more distress to the person you’re trying to help, it’s time to either back off or find another way to express your sympathy, a way that isn’t making things worse. People need to realize that different people cope with stress in different ways, and what helps one person might make things worse for another.
No, we’re saying that it can be a symptom of depression.
Much the same as me also.
I’m always shocked in these type of threads by the number of people who say “take him/her to a doctor”. Isn’t that in effect saying to her ‘I think there’s something badly wrong with you?’. Is this a British vs American difference in attitudes?
Maybe it’s Brit vs. US; I’m not sure. I don’t see it as saying that at all, though a teenager might. I think of trips to the doctor – or in this case a therapist – as more of a check-up. Not that “I think there’s something badly wrong with you” but “I’m a little worried, and even though everything’s probably OK, I want to make sure, because I’m your mommy and I love you.” I mean, having a stubborn wart isn’t “something badly wrong,” but you still might take your kid to the doctor to have it frozen off, you know?
I think going to a therapist would be reasonable if this kid is unhappy or depressed. It sounds like Dung Beetle’s not sure whether the kid is, or not, and is trying to figure it out.
So, how about she earn money by tutoring kids with their homework? If you tutor kids one-one one, the kids are usually not interested in being out of hand, and that horseplay might have been what your daughter was afraid of. The tutored kids just want to understand the assignment, so they can get out of there and play. It is the essence of teaching, and it pays some money, too. Besides, it boosts the teachers self esteem because she knows stuff someone else is struggling to learn.
You say she’s apathic. A lot of that might come from not having much disposable income. Once your daughter gets disposable income, she might get wishes and dreams on how to spend it.
Just to point out this post.
This seems to be a thing with my son (when he was that age), daughter and their friends. Unlike when I was at that age, they don’t really want to grow up and shoulder responsibilities. While I and you looked at a car as freedom and growing up…they look at it as the beginning of the yolk (sp?) being put on and so try to avoid it. It also manifests in not so good grades because, maybe, if they don’t do well in school they will be allowed to stay in HS longer…
This was particularly bad for my son who actually confided in me when he was 16 saying “I don’t want to grow up”.
In my son’s case, it was ADHD (mild) and depression. My daughter is on Paxil and manifests much the same symptoms that my son did. The good news is that my son is doing great…24 and going to college and doing well and seems to be liking life. Hopefully your duaghter and mine will follow.
I agree, people should realize when something isn’t working, and definitely respect someone’s desire to be left alone.
I just objected to this “special level of hell” business.
On a personal note, I’d like to say that when I was a teen, I suffered from major depression and was near suicide a number of times. MY mother made me go to the doctor, and he referred me to a counselor, and that helped me tons.
Later on, as an adult, I was again suffering from depression, and got myself to a GP, who put me on Paxil, which helped immensely.
I wasted nearly a decade of my life in depression simply because I did not go to the doctor.
So sometimes, “go to the doctor” is exactly the right thing. If you’re suffering from clinical depression there IS something terribly wrong with you. You’re suffering from a serious illness, one with a disturbingly high mortality rate. You need help.
And the sooner you figure that out, the sooner you’ll get the meds and/or therapy you need to feel better.
Oh my. Only in the sense that it would hardly be possible to be less introverted. All I want in life is to be left alone to read, but there’s this darn job I have to go to and people that must be interacted with. If I were normal, would I post here? 
Yes! This is my fear.
I’m not running to the doctor yet. First, I’ll be talking to her, and second, reading some books.
**
Maastricht**, the tutoring idea is a good one.
Think of it like this:
Suppose this girl started drinking tons of water, was crabby all the time, and complained about being tired all the time. Mom is kinda worried, but isn’t sure – this could be normal teenage angst, after all, but it just feels a little weird.
So her options are 1> ignore it til it goes away, or 2> go to your family doc, tell him/her you think this stuff is a little weird, and do a little bit of investigating to see if something comes back wonky. If it doesn’t, cool beans, now you have peace of mind. If it does, you now at least know how to deal with it.
Yeah, it may be nothing. But ignoring it may kill her.
I just think it’s better to know if there’s a medical issue, or not. That’s what the healthcare system is there for.
I’ve ignored weird-but-not-life-altering symptoms before. Turns out I had malignant tumors in my chest, next to my lung. If the symptoms hadn’t suddenly worsened, I’d never have investigated, never have figured it out, and very probably would have died.
Even if we’re not talking about major depression on the level of potentially lethal – isn’t it still worth learning if it’s possible for her to feel better than this?
Maybe she is “recharging” rather than “self-isolating.” But I don’t think a bunch of people on a message board are going to be able to tell the difference. A mental health professional could.
As for “there’s something wrong with you…” Ugh, major pet peeve of mine. If you have tumors, there is, in fact, something wrong with you. That does not make it some sort of character flaw or moral failing. Mental health issues are no less “legitimate,” or whatever, than somatic ones, and they are no more a character flaw than a tumor is.