Look, They opened the door on this. Last night we learned what they’d call themselves as Secret Service Code Names:
**Chris Christie: True Heart
Carly Fiorina: Secretariat, after the Triple Crown-winning horse
Scott Walker: Harley, for his love of motorcycles
Jeb Bush: Everready, a type of battery because it’s “high energy”
Ben Carson: One Nation
Ted Cruz: Cohiba, a type of Cuban cigar
Marco Rubio: Gator, after the University of Florida sports team
Mike Huckabee: Duck Hunter
Rand Paul: Justice Never Sleeps
Donald Trump: Humble
**
My idea for this thread is to let people give their own Secret Service names to those folks, and with an explanation if they would like to give one as to why.
I’ll go first:
Chris Christie: SCARF FACE
Seriously, after shouting down an elderly woman with “Sweet Heart” you want to go with “True Heart”? Are You Fucking Serious!? I’m a Constituent and you haven’t done jack Shit to win My vote. honestly, MY vote wouldn’t have been too hard to win,
but you bent over for the Construction Interests, F-cked My State over, and now you want to be President!?
Save those Watery Big Eyes for when the cameras are on. I Got News For You, BEAV… Your Shit Isn’t Cutting It, and I don’t care HOW many Kirsten Dunst re-runs you’re watching on HBO. Work first, Collect second. Remember NJ? Work first, Collect second.
Leave The Campaign, Govern The State
**Carly Fiorina: Empty Chair. **
Hi, Carly. Remember all those Conference Calls where you did Nothing while Loud Mouth Salesmen ran the company ragged? Remember when they wanted to recognize revenue "early’ to bump their bonuses? Remember what you said? That’s right, YOU SAID NOTHING.
You and the Rich McGinn Yes-Whores said Nothing. You emailed “top female execs” after to talk it up though. And when LEGAL SHOVED IT BACK UP THE COMPANY’S ASS? You said nothing then either.
You have a Real Nice History of laying people off “to cut expenses” outsourcing American jobs “to cut costs” and disappearing into the wings with a nice Golden Parachute while your car service takes you home.
Bitch, I Wouldn’t Elect You To Wipe My Ass.
Wait, wait… you want to blame me for what you look like outside? News Flash: You’re Too Fucking Ugly Inside to even worry about the Outside.
Scott Walker: No Honor.
Remember when you said that what you were doing as governor would never affect Union pensions? Remember how, after it was passed, you IMMEDIATELY killed off the Union pensions?
Scott, not only would I NEVER vote for you, but if there IS a Hell, I hope you’re chained to a wall with food 3 feet out of reach with some wimpy greasy faced scumbag rationalizing WHY to you for all fucking eternity.
Jeb Bush: TAINTED.
I really don’t care if there is pun (because you ARE and ASSHOLE) but your defense of Smug-Pug George the Head-Jug is Unacceptable. 'I just remember my brother kept us safe"?
Hey, FLAT HEAD… I’ve been watching the news too & there isn’t ONE OG-DAMN THING your brother did EVER that made us safer today. Going the Cheney Route? Fine, Have At It.
Shove some D-Cells up your ass while your at it.
Ben Carson: One Back Bone
I want to believe, but I KNOW its a lie. If I’m going to vote for a Liar, I’d rather it be on Merit and not Guilt.
Ted Cruz: DOOBIE
Smoke 'Em While You Got 'Em, eh? Your little podium dance & prance is what it means to be Cuban? I was Right a year ago: “Me? Run for President? A Dolt-Dolt-Dolt-Dolt-Dolt…! Ahhh-Yay-ah. Ima Catch Me a Presidency!!!”
Not On Your Best Day, Ted.
Marco Rubio: Warmonger
Oh, I can hear it now: We’re going to attack Cuba by surprise and Keep On Attacking until Everyone There Is Dead! Then, we’ll dust off these old deeds and we can change your Secret Service name to “Alexa Hente”.
If you are a Gator, then somewhere there is a Red Neck who needs new Hip Waders. Hope your hide is water proof.
Mike Huckabee: Duck Fumb
Speaking Of Shit heads Who Might Need New Water-Proof Hip Waders
Mike, so you want to go to jail to keep gay people who love each other from getting married? Weeeeeell, you don’t have to be president to do that. I can’t think of a single reason why you should ever be President,
let alone why we should let you push yourself on the office or on America. OK, duck hunter… grab your ankles… PULL…!
Rand Paul: Rabies
Justice Never Sleeps? Same thing, Curly-Cue. I trust you less than I can throw you. IF I threw you, I’d trust you less than how far I could get your nose to stick into a wall.
PS- Don’t Tempt Me: I KNOW I could get it to stick.
Donald Trump: AIR-HORN
Sorry, The Donald. At any football game there is always ONE person with an Air-Horn who blows it to annoy, distract, and generally be an asshole. Sadly, that is You.
Look… its a Talent… be happy with it as a talent. Am I pissed you started to say you knew people whose kids caught Autism from vaccines? You’re Fucking Right I Am. But, I also give you credit for three seconds later
back tracking to Ben Carson’s position that they need to be spread out more and not done all in one shot. The Donald? You Are an Air-Horn… but sometimes you have good instincts. We should talk. Again.
