What should a person do if they feel mediocre?

[LurkMeister]

I revel in my mediocrity. I haven’t accomplished anything significant in my life by anyone’s standards. I have no ambition to be more than adequate at anything, nor do I ever want to change the world in any way. I have no particular talents, but I don’t feel particularly jealous of those who do.

I feel sorry for people who are constantly judging themselves. But I feel even sorrier for people who allow themselves to be judged by others; why must your self-worth be based on what others think of you?

[Cat_Whisperer]

@Hogwash

<snip>While watching this film, it dawned on me that this guy, who spoke about his dreams so passionately and poetically, had a towering, almost insurmountable dream but still managed to realise it. The tight-rope walk, the media frenzy, the sense of achievement, all the antithesis of mediocrity.

I came out of the movie theatre realising that I had no such goals. I had no wider vision, no Twin Towers to conquer. I was doomed to mediocrity.

And then, the morning after he realized his all-consuming dream, he had nothing to get up for.

[Liche]

This is a big problem for me. I’m 28, I abandoned my intended academic career post-PhD due to a lack of funding - I don’t believe I could make a solid career in the field, no matter how much I loved it and no matter how well I’d have done (in better financial circumstances, I think very well). I’ve spent the past two years churning out C++ code as a full-time developer. I’m good at it, and the people around me are good at it, but it is slowly killing off my creativity, original thought, and my ambition.

I’m finding it hard to come to terms with the fact that I will eke out the rest of my working life doing something I already mildly dislike, and will achieve nothing of which I am proud. It is quite depressing to be asked “what do you do for a living?” and not be interested enough in my own answer to bother with a detailed reply (when appropriate). I look at the senior people in my company - those whom I should hope to become - and see good people who are good at their own mediocre jobs, achieving nothing but lining the pockets of the MD. I don’t want to be them in 5/10/20 years time.

I try to apply ambition instead to out-of-work endeavours. I co-wrote a musical for the Edinburgh Festival which was, within its own small scope, very successful, and I’m working on a novel. These projects help, but I’m often too tired after work, or too busy to put any significant amount of time in. I really hate bad amateur writing, and try very hard to reach the highest standard I can, but I recognise that my modest creations will never be any more than forgotten small fry. Sure, they bring me satisfaction, but, without any influence on the outside world, writing seems no more productive than masturbation.

To top it off, I’m spending quite a bit of time with my grandfather, which I haven’t previously been able to do. He was a musician, and a very successful one - I guarantee that anyone reading this will have heard some of his work - reaching pretty much the pinnacle of his chosen sphere (if that isn’t a mixed metaphor). While I’m very proud of him, it is very humbling to think that I won’t have anything like as much for my grandchildren to be proud of.

I hope that this thread may come to provide a ray of light in what is currently a pretty gloomy place. Self-indulgent, perhaps, but isn’t self-esteem so by definition? Maybe a career change would help, but the only thing I can think of that I would like to do is return to academia, and the reasons for my leaving still apply. I have more than my fair share of talent, but I’m terrified of a) not using it, or, worse, b) using it and achieving more mediocrity.

Yours, in mediocrity,

L.

[ivan_astikov]

I don’t think life requires people to do ‘good’ things, just avoid doing ‘bad’ ones! Pithy as hell, but the world would be a happier place if we all followed that simple rule.

[Maastricht]

@Hogwash

Strangely enough, I recently had a sort of existential crisis after watching the brilliant documentary Man on Wire recently. For the unaware, it chronicles the efforts of Philippe Petit to tightrope-walk large structures, culminating in the grand finale, the steel Everest of the World Trade Center, which he successfully (and luckily) conquered in the 70s. While watching this film, it dawned on me that this guy, who spoke about his dreams so passionately and poetically, had a towering, almost insurmountable dream but still managed to realise it. The tight-rope walk, the media frenzy, the sense of achievement, all the antithesis of mediocrity.

That guys had GOT to be single. If I were married to a guy who spent all his time and energy on an endeavour that could get him killed and that would benefit no-one but the gaping masses hoping he’d misstep and became a red stain on the pavement…I’d be out of that relationship so fast I’d leave a cartoon-type smoke trail.
My point is, I have a dad who is far from mediocre. He’s exceptional. He’s got a website, dozens of inspired and/or disgruntled volunteers, a few interviews in newspapers and a knighthood to prove it. And he is a pain to live with, as he has no time or energy left for his family. I wish my dad WAS mediocre.

[T.Slothrop]

study one subject until you know everything about it.

[Siam_Sam]

@T.Slothrop

study one subject until you know everything about it.

“Try to learn something about everything and everything about something.” – Thomas Huxley.

[Attack_from_the_3rd_dimension]

@T.Slothrop

study one subject until you know everything about it.

There’s nothing like being THE world expert on something obscure to make you feel like a smarty.

I used to know a guy who had it all together - respected, tenure, nice house, cute kids, very hot wife whom he worshipped. We were in the same field, and he’s a couple years younger than me. He also got paid more than me. I felt a tiny pang of envy, and relative mediocrity. Then his marriage exploded, and he went through hell on earth, and I wouldn’t have traded my life for his under any circumstances. Now I try not to compare myself with others, as who knows what ticking timebombs exist in their worlds. Look at any supermarket tabloid to see the enviable classes destroying their lives.

Alternatively, enlightenment by following the teachings of Lord Buddha is supposed provide perspective.

[Mangetout]

Magnificence is hard work. I’m working towards eccentricity instead.

[The_Tao_s_Revenge]

@rwhbyu

So lately I have come to the personal conclusion that my life is mediocre. Kind of half-assed I guess. I would say that while I have goals, get into grad school and run a marathon, I just don’t have the drive or the direction to do it in a non-mediocre way. Has anybody else gone through this? If so, what did you do about it?

Does mediocre mean not reaching your goals to a satisfactory level?

Well I kept trying. Either I succeeded or gave up. About all you can do. One thing I’ve learned is you do alot better when you accept yourself from the start and set out to see how good you can do instead of setting out to prove yourself.
Winston Churchill said success is measured by moving from failure to failur with no loss of enthusiasm.

[WordMan]

I have found a little more peace in my life over the past couple of years by reaching a conclusion: Human beings, especially when we come together in communities, are incredibly inefficient herd beasts. And individually, we are doomed to make the wrong decision most of the time - as organisms, we only need to make enough decisions to get to an age of procreation, so there’s a ton of room for us to be screw-ups while barely passing the Darwin exam. Intelligent Design indeed.

I have decided that 15% is about right - I typically get decisions right about that often. I am not trying to be hard on myself (although in hindsight, I beat the crap out of myself with regret constantly) - I have come to realize that this is true for pretty much everyone. I mean, Buddha said “Life is Suffering” - from an Existential perspective, knowing that you are a complete f*ck-up 85% of the time can drive suffering if you dig into it with any thought.

But - there is something cool about know that if you try to think a bit more about your actions - maybe get your Good Decision rate up to 16% - it ain’t much, and you are still an 84% screw up, but that difference separates the men from the boys. I try to stop more often and think “boy, if I want to respect myself a week from now, what decision should I make?” Sometimes I can actually stop myself from doing stupid things - and sometimes I push myself to do more good things.

Expecting to wake up tomorrow completely different will never happen. Start small - such as seeing if you can make one more decision today where you respect yourself.

[Trepa_Mayfield]

@rwhbyu

So lately I have come to the personal conclusion that my life is mediocre. Kind of half-assed I guess. I would say that while I have goals, get into grad school and run a marathon, I just don’t have the drive or the direction to do it in a non-mediocre way. Has anybody else gone through this? If so, what did you do about it?

I just don’t care. Works wonders for me. I doubt, though, that it would work for practically anyone else.

[longPath]

I’ve been feeling rather mediocre myself lately. I found looking around here helps make me feel better.

[Suse]

@rwhbyu

So lately I have come to the personal conclusion that my life is mediocre. Kind of half-assed I guess. I would say that while I have goals, get into grad school and run a marathon, I just don’t have the drive or the direction to do it in a non-mediocre way. Has anybody else gone through this? If so, what did you do about it?

Are the goals you have ones you care about or are they goals you think you should have as your goals? I understand the feeling you have but I don’t know that I would call it mediocrity as much as a feeling of untapped potential. You know that you could do something great, right? And if you care about it, it will be great to you even if the rest of the world calls it average or mediocre.

http://www.bspcn.com/2007/10/25/17-ways-to-find-your-passion-for-any-and-everything/ This article discusses ways to find your passion. It might be helpful to you. (I don’t know why the link posted that way but don’t have time to fix it now.)

[Markxxx]

Try volunteering. There are plenty of things to do. Like on Fridays I help out at a retirement center, and on Thursdays I help out at Paralyzed Veterans of America.

I hate to say this but I get way more out of it than I put into it.

Those old people just are so much fun. They tell me all about Chicago in the old days and I’m a WWII buff so it’s so cool to hear about what it was REALLY like and not from a book.

Or at the PVA, one afternoon with these paralyzed kids (they are usually under 30) and boy do you learn to be grateful quick. I mostly help them out with computers.

But there is tons of things to volunteer for. For the retirement center, I went shopping with them all. The co-ordinator tells me “Mark why did you let her buy knitting needles. She has arthritis, her doctor told her NO knitting.” I was like “Have you ever tried to tell an 86 year old woman she’s not SUPPOSED to do ANYTHING?” It doens’t work that way

[Scarlett67]

I’m reminded of two things:

(1) Of course, dang if I can find it now, but I used to have a quote taped to my wall that said something like this:

We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things in a great way.

(2) Somewhere in all my clippings, I have a political cartoon from around the time that Wilt the Stilt was bragging about all his sexual conquests. Here’s a rough approximation:

Left side: drawing of Wilt. “I’m a professional basketball player. I make $10 million a year. I’ve had sex with 20,000 women.”

Right side: drawing of a guy in fireman gear. “I’m a firefighter. I make $20,000 a year. I’m married with two kids. My brother and I have an upholstery business on the side.”

Caption below: Find the Hero

Hey, without us average people, all those above-average people would be NOTHING.

[Spice_Weasel]

@Markxxx

Try volunteering. There are plenty of things to do. Like on Fridays I help out at a retirement center, and on Thursdays I help out at Paralyzed Veterans of America.

I hate to say this but I get way more out of it than I put into it.

Those old people just are so much fun. They tell me all about Chicago in the old days and I’m a WWII buff so it’s so cool to hear about what it was REALLY like and not from a book.

Or at the PVA, one afternoon with these paralyzed kids (they are usually under 30) and boy do you learn to be grateful quick. I mostly help them out with computers.

But there is tons of things to volunteer for. For the retirement center, I went shopping with them all. The co-ordinator tells me “Mark why did you let her buy knitting needles. She has arthritis, her doctor told her NO knitting.” I was like “Have you ever tried to tell an 86 year old woman she’s not SUPPOSED to do ANYTHING?” It doens’t work that way

That made me grin from ear to ear, and basically answers the OP’s question. The best way to not feel mediocre is to stop focusing on yourself and start thinking about how you can contribute to other people. It’s a tired bit of advice, but I’ve learned people don’t just say it because they want you to make something useful out of yourself. They say it because it actually works.

And believe me, volunteering and working on social justice issues is something I do just as much for myself as other people. It makes you feel like you are a part of something bigger; you transcend you and become as great as the Universe.

I don’t mean to be glib. For sure I know the feeling of mediocrity, and I often struggle with feeling I’m not living up to my own standards. Part of really finding happiness though is realizing you have everything you need, and you are everything you need to be, right this minute. Like if for just one minute we all stopped looking ahead and just examined our environments carefully, we would find all these reasons to be grateful and content now.

[msmith537]

Chances are, you probably actually are pretty mediocre. I mean are you a top athlete? Valedictorian of your college (and is your college Harvard or Stamford)? Do you run a successful business? Are you the mayor or governor or president of anything? Did you win an Academy Award or a Nobel (or is it Noble) Prize for anything? Most of us, by definition, are pretty mediocre.

Maybe the solution is for everyone to stop believing they are special little snowflakes destined to do great things? Just go do them (or don’t…no one really cares but you anyway).

[discodancer]

Caveat: I only skimmed some of the previous posts in this thread.

IMHO, I think you have the concept of greatness backwards. In my experience, people who are very successful/great at something started out by finding something they are interested in, whether it is a field of study or a business idea, and get excited by it, which created the motivation. Then those people work diligently at whatever they feel passionate about, and then BAM!!! They become great.

Perseverance is also part of the equation.

On the way to their greatness something funny happens. They gain pleasure and knowledge from their work which to them becomes more important than the greatness itself.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with wanting to be acknowledged for your greatness, but the pursuit of bragging rights alone will not lead to your happiness. The happiness comes mostly from the pleasure of the activity.

So my task for you, my young Jedi, is to go out and try a lot of new stuff.

[discodancer]

Okay, now I have read the previous posts in this thread.

I have a major disagreement with some of previous posters, which is don’t tell yourself or believe that you are mediocre. That’s not productive.

I think everyone has the potential to be great!

Another thing I’ve learned is that greatness often starts with playfulness. Meaning, many people have their creativity and great ideas stifled by the stodgy attitudes that are self imposed or imposed by negative people around you. There are numerous great achievements that started out by just having FUN with that seemed like a goofy idea. Just as Joseph Campbell said, “Follow your bliss.”

Often when I’m working on something that seems frivolous I think humorously to myself, “This is a bad idea whose time has come.” I think that might be a quote from Paul Westerberg.