That’s funny, but not true at all. Divorce is definitely the answer sometimes, but let’s not take marital advice from a stand up comedian. Good marriages DO end up in divorce, because in the stage from “good marriage” to “divorce,” things get bad. The things going from happy to bad part is indeed a tragedy and divorce, while sometimes necessary, usually creates even more problems (especially if kids are involved).
A divorce is the death of something that was once promising and involved two people who took vows to stick together until the end. Many times at least one spouse is walking around for a time (if not for the rest of their life) heartbroken, bitter, angry, etc. It may have to be done, but it’s not something to be celebrated.
If our main man the OP can choose between skulking around heartbroken because his soon-to-be-ex-wife is a cunt and viewing his impending separation as a good thing I’d say that the latter would be better. He should be happy he’s doing this now as opposed to ten years from now. The quote I provided didn’t give any advice at all, actually, except to people attempting to console their recently-divorced friends.
If the situation were truly better for the kids, most people I know would stick it out. The vast majority of people wait to get a divorce until it’s so horrible that the children are starting to suffer unnecessarily.
And I think most divorces are due to things that were bad about the marriage in the beginning, but which the naive lovers had not yet discovered. Deal-breakers that were just waiting to come out, for example.
It’s not about fights. People could solve that in counseling.
I’m so happy I got divorced. It’s awesome. Finally, no more fear of STDs, screaming the children awake, or psycho behavior in front of them! And I don’t know any other divorce that came from a marriage that was even slightly better than mine.
I am very sorry to hear this. You have my sympathy.
The one thing I can say about this situation with 100% certainty (at the absolute very least) is you don’t trust her. And the foundation of a good marriage is built, in part, on trust. If you can’t bring yourself to trust her – and, quite honestly, I couldn’t – then the relationship is dead.
If you have trouble dealing with that, get into couples therapy. If she won’t go then go on your own. And the first thing out of your mouth to the therapist should be, “I have a problem. I don’t trust my wife.”
And yes, stop having coitus with this woman as of about 8 or 9 posts ago.
This is true and for those who say “I was shocked and stunned, they were not who I thought they were”, I say bullshit. They were not some sociopathic mastermind, you were just a tard in love or in lust who wasn’t paying attention. And in this accusation I point mainly to myself because my ex did stuff that should have had me running for the hills, but I was too stupid and horny in my early to mid 20’s to pay attention. I thought she had emotional issues, which together we could get past. I discovered that “emotional issues” are along for the ride forever and ever until you die.
All due respect AClockworkMelon divorce is no fucking joke, and it’s nothing to be all that happy about. It shattered my children’s lives and impoverished both of us. I see it’s negative effects in them to this day, and it’s been 15 years since we divorced. It breaks people.
I wasn’t suggesting, at all, that the OP shouldn’t divorce his wife. All I was saying is divorce is nothing to celebrate, even when it HAS to happen, simply because it’s the death of something that was once (presumably) a good thing. You do make a very good point about divorces being due to things that were bad about the marriage from day one, though, I hadn’t considered it that way.
I’m VERY thankful my parents got divorced, I had a much better life because of it and there is absolutely no way things would have gotten better.
On preview, I think astro pretty much summed it up.
A lot of people get married quite young and as virgins (I certainly was a virgin, though I should have known better). I hadn’t dated much at all because who can you date if you aren’t willing to have sex with them?
I would not characterize people who get married to jerks as “tards” or not “paying attention”.
Lots of people quite simply have no experience, either with parents (they are children of single parents) or in life, and when someone pays attention to them, they think, “This is as good as it gets.” They realize the other person isn’t a perfect match, but what in life is perfect?
And there are more sociopathic liars out there than you think.
We are only seeing one side of the situation but if we take the OP at face value, his wife sounds pretty messed up.
THIS A THOUSAND TIMES OVER. I can’t tell you how broken-hearted I was, I was without a doubt the poster boy for a broken man. I cried, begged and pleaded. But she was having an affair that I was unaware of. She moved him into my house after I was forced out. Looking back what a “toxic shithole of a marriage” I had. I was too blind to see it at the time.
Long story short I met and married a wonderful woman. I am the happiest I have ever been. And now that I have a great wife who treats me the way a husband should be treated I know now that I had a crappy marriage. I wouldn’t change the divorce now if I could. The most satisfaction that I get is the ahole who was having the affair with my wife and broke our marriage up is now married to her. His life is what mine used to be. I am sure in time they will be divorced too and he will also realize what a demon she is.
Get the hell out of there while you have some pride left. Protect what assets you can and don’t look back. I assure you that happy days are ahead, no matter how desperate the situation looks today.
Honestly, it’s kind of beside the point IMO. He has repeatedly asked his wife to quit communicating with this guy, for very valid, rational reasons. And she has repeatedly ignored his wishes. She obviously cares more about maintaining a “friendship” with this third person, than she does about her husband. And that would be enough for me to end things, especially before children enter the equation.
Depends on the State. No-Fault State and she could have done a football team and it doesn’t figure into the asset division. I don’t recall what States are No-Fault. In my opinion that is the worst thing ever done in the Courts system. Divorce is too easy and there are no penalties for bad behavior.
My ex-husband cheated, lied, abused, and I am SO FREAKING GLAD it’s no-fault. I can get out without having to slag him in court for the record. We have kids. I just want to get this over with without having to formally ruin his reputation. If I had to sue him for marital rape to get a divorce, I don’t know if I could go through with it (and yes, I said no, and yes, he forced me, and I had GOOD reasons–fear of STDs–to say no). I don’t want the money. I don’t want the car. I don’t want property or his hidden bank accounts or alimony, even though I lost so much financially in this deal.
You really think it would be better for me to have to spend 10x the money and energy and drag my kids through hell?
No-fault divorce FTW.
OP, go for it. Again… PLEASE do not bring kids into it and don’t get sick. You can’t imagine how much more painful that would be than leaving now.