Beadalin, I’m sorry, I can’t type. He moved from primary school to middle school. In our school system, the kids go to 3 schools, primary, grades k-2, middle school is grades 3-8, though they keep the older and younger kids separate for the most part, and high school, 9-12.
My boy dosen’t suffer any developmental or emotional delays. As I said before, he just suddenly started giving me a big attitude problem.
PS: Last one I referred to as a ‘Little Dictator’
Diagnose? Handy it’s totally inappropriate for you to even imply you could ‘diagnose’ a 9 yo boy over the web!
And I’m sorry but no matter how much dating you’ve done of women with 9 yo boys, it doesn’t qualify you as anything except a person with an opinion.
I asked about the glasses because I seem to have heard a bunch of stories of kids falling behind in their work, beginning to misbehave, etc., and the problem was that they needed glasses. It’s all anecdotal, but it does kind of make sense. Many kids start to need glasses at around that age. As Dilbert points out, those screening tests at school aren’t very good. He may have astigmatism or something that is a bit harder to detect. It might be worth taking him to a good optometrist or opthamologist for a thorough exam. Can’t hurt, anyway. Good luck.
Is he involved in any outside activities? My husband’s brother apparently went through a phase exactly like this, and somehow they thought to put him in karate, and it straightned him the hell out almost at once. My theory is that he simply didn’t have any repect at all for any of the adults in his life–parents and taeachers–for reasons that only make sense to the muddled pysche of a pre-pubescent boy, but for some reason he clicked wiht the karate instructor and finnaly found someone who opinion he cared about. Maybe try and get him involved in something, and if that dosn’t work, move him to something else.
Hi, dragongirl, I have a 9yo son as well. (Also, 12, 6 and 3yo girls.)
My first response would be to wonder if he is at either end of the academic spectrum. It doesn’t matter if he’s bored because he isn’t challenged or frustrated because he can’t keep up. Kids will act out when their needs aren’t being met.
But you’re saying that this is very sudden. It could be the move to a new school. But I think with most kids you would see some signs of adjustment, but not something as drastic as this.
I’m wondering if the Sept. 11th tragedy might have something to do with it, seeing as he has been having nightmares. My 6yo has a friend who lost her mother that day. Just last week she asked me why it is that, “every day, I think about S. and I feel sad about her mom?” She is only 6 and has very little understanding of what is/might be going on. But she has felt a real impact.
Perhaps, the next time he says something particularly nasty, instead of reacting with anger or indignation (or whatever else I would be most likely to react with), you said something like, “you sound really angry” or “you sound really upset.” It might prompt him to share what is bothering him. Of course, he may not even realize that something is worrying him, so it may be a long process. But I think that when something like this shows up out of the blue, there is probably a real solid reason for it.
IIRC, there’s a physiological change that takes place in a boy’s brain about the 9 to 10 year-old point. The child goes from “input” to “output”. The theory, as it was explaned to me (about 8 years ago, so I’m kinda hazy on the details), is that in simple hunting or gathering societies, by age 9 or so, a boy has learned the basics ncessary for raw surviaval, and is ready to start practicing these arts, not unlike a lion cub being becoming mature enough to hunt for itself (the difference being that male children aren’t usually chased out of the tribe).
This was thought to be the reason that third-grade boys were such hellioins: They actually weren’t listening anymore, and are begining to challenge authority (with predictable results). Lack of a male role-model only exacerbates the trouble. Girls get it too, but later, around 13 or so, as girls have more complex skills needs (have tougher, more complex roles in society).
I’m not sure that the theory is correct, but it seems to match the data. I’m quite sure I’ve over-simplified and garbled it.
Some very good ideas have been shared here already. The school angle sounds like a possible factor, he (and his classmates) have gone from oldest to the youngest. Even if they try to keep them separate there is a strong urge in young boys to emulate their older peers. This could be part of it. When he does lash out you have to remember that he is communicating indirectly. Something is uncomfortable for him. It could be Sept 11, it could be bullies, it could be just a natural reaction to the stress of change, he could be bored or overwhelmed with his studies, all these things already mentioned are viable options, and there are likely a few others that we might not catch here. When he lashes out, don’t react. (You may need to count to yourself or leave) If you can remain calm you can try to ask him at this point what is making him feel this way. His father should also take steps to actively involve himself in his son’s life, regardless of the long work hours. This could be taking some time to go for a walk together after dinner, go to a park, sports, etc. Two purposes to this: 1) makes time available to discuss his feeling and his world and 2) puts him out there in role model mode also, in competion with the ‘big boys’ at school. His father is at a disadvantage, since he’s by definiton not likely to be considered “cool” by a nine year old boy. But he has the advantage that most young boys still worship their fathers at this age. To little boys Moms are for unconditional love; Dads are heros. This goes away bit by bit, but it should still be there. Whichever older males pay attention to him at this age are scoring big points. Make sure it’s his Dad scoring the most. Finally, make sure that his school is keeping him challenged. This might mean special classes or extra work on your part, or more participation in outside activities. Also as mentioned already, martial arts at this age might be a good idea to teach him self discipline and prepare him to defend himself in case a bullying situation arises.
Good luck, look here for support if it gets too much, people are always ready to give a listen.