Ask the THIS, ask the THAT…
Everybody’s got their own little speciality around here it seems. For the record, I could lecture at length on the learning process of drawing and (by profession) more than you’d ever care to hear about greeting cards/cartoons.
On what subject(s) could we come to you with questions ?
how to fold a napkin into a fan shape. i think after three years of it i can consider myself a pro 
There was another spate of these a couple of months ago, so somewhere way down on the list I have a “Ask the belly-dancer” thread.
Without a doubt, mine would be “Ask the (US) nuclear submarine guy.” And I bet I’d do damn well.
We’ve already had a “what can I do to get this stupid old laptop operating without me having to learn DOS” thread. I pretty much blew my wad on that one.
“blew my wad”?
how gouche! Just for that, I’m gonna put Jackson Browne in the CD. And think about massing muskets as fire power. 
How about “Ask the Guy who started a thread just like this two months ago.”
(no offense seriousart - great minds and all that)
Seriousart-
Actually, I really would like to know about the process of drawing greeting cards.
Tell me!
If you want, I can tell you how to taxiderm small mammals and how to make flying rats-
I’m a taxidermist. That’s the only thing I do well.
Pointless, useless, arcane trivia.
'course, that describes the expertise of a lot of ther folks on this board…
Well, crap. My appologies to Trion. I guess that’d make me the “ask the guy who’s so darned sure he had an original idea he didn’t bother to do a search…”
To turpintine:
Where do I start… Mostly I work with prewritten “copy” as it’s called. I get a job assignment which says basicly what the card’s supposed to say and maybe what kind of an image they might want to see on it. I do some sketches, rough in the lettering and it gets approved, hopefully. I might do 2-3 a week. I also do a good bit of writing myself for cards. I work for “a tiny little division” of a much larger greeting card company that actually does some funny stuff. The hardest part of that is trying to make an original joke about something that has been written to sooo much before. Just finished a big fathers day writing blitz. What a pain in the ass. Try and think of an original approach to fathers day that is general enough that a lot of people will relate and buy it, yet not so cliche that it seems trite (remote controls, napping, fishing, or any of the other things that have been done to death). Not easy.
I actually faired much better on a Valentines writing project. If only because so much humor is pain + time, and I’ve had plenty.
The weirdest part of my job is knowing that something I wrote,largely based on personal experiance,will be picked up by 10’s of thousands of people, read and given to another person as a joke between those two people. Kinda neat, really.
But then, this very same little work of art/original piece of writing is usualy kept for upwards of about a day before it hits the trashcan.
Keeps ya humble.
“Ask the closet bisexual chick with an open marriage.”
Don’t sweat it serious. It was a good idea then and it’s a good idea now. Gives the new people a chance to play along.
Brunetter - How you doin’?
I’ll second that emotion…
Brunetter- Who, I mean HOW you doin’?
(Mmmmm, brunettes…)
“Ask the guy who knew Brunetter was a closet bi-sexual with an open marriage before y’all did, so nyah!”
“Ask the guy who seems to have a real knack for meeting attractive women who are at least 300 miles away from him at any given point in the year.”
“Ask the guy who tries unsuccessfully to be funny.”
Ask the lactating mom/bitter housewife
Ask me about coral reef ecology, especially chemical ecology and how it affects predator/prey relationships between fishes and sponges.
Ask me about Section 7 consultation.
I’d ask about how a marriage can be “open” if one of the members is still in the closet.
OK, I’ll bite.
Brunetter: I’ll echo Divemaster’s question about the open/ closeted scenario. So your marriage is open, but your husband doesn’t know about you being open to the ladies? No pun intended.
Darby: Why so bitter? Lactating gotcha down?
iampunha: How’d ya get so privy to such info?
Divemaster: Is Section 7 consultation a big improvment over that passe Section 6 stuff?
CalMeachem: Tell me something pointless/useless about… France. (Always good for a chuckle)
Zyada: Are there a lot of variations in belly dancing? Maybe I’m to ignorant to tell one from another.
Turpentine: How DOES one make a rat fly? A Ratapult perhaps? (sorry)
You can ask me about computers, linguistics, and programming (java).
Also I’m pretty good with lesser known bands and science fiction.
And like everyone else, random trivia.
You can ask me about firearms and related topics. Also life in Prudhoe Bay, Alaska. Might not know the answers, but I’m in a position to find them - or I’ll make one up. If the balloon goes up, The Three G’s are: guns, gold, and groceries. What the hell was the name of that guy who had the newsletter about the economy and how to cope with “The Coming Crisis” or some such - he was a real doomsayer in the early to mid seventies. Dang, I’m into free association here. Sorry…
Somebody else said:
“iampunha: How’d ya get so privy to such info?”
Answer: I started corresponding with her privately. She emailed me basically to say she thought I was hot, to which I replied “yeah right” and since then we have been talking most every day. She started hinting rather strongly as to my opinion of married bisexual women, so I figured . . . you know, she may have a reasonto ask other than shooting the breeze. It was hard, but in the third email she told me she was bisexual.
Almost as good as Romeo, who captured Juliet’s heart in less than 100 words. However, he wasn’t 4,000+ miles away.
You’d probably be surprised what you can learn about people by being genuinely interested in them.