Did anyone give them the Little People Noah’s Ark or Nativity sets? Because that’s prime material for stop-motion movies, posted to YouTube.
My daughter has the Ark–because I think it’s such an awesomely age-old thing for kids to have Arks with pairs of animals. I mean, Colonial kids had them and shit. However her set came with only Noah and not his wife. So I ordered Noah and his wife from eBay… they came together. So now there are two Noahs. When my husband’s (Southern Baptist) side of the family isn’t around I call them Adam and Steve.
The people down the street have one of those large wooden cut-out yard ornament things which is Santa with baby Jesus (complete with bright yellow LARGE halo) in the manger. (On first glance I thought it was a wheelbarrow, which would be even more awesome.) Can you customize any of the items in this fashion? Maybe insert some santas or even some satans into the stories. Or Athena, since she appeals to you. A family project, maybe.
Cut up the printed material and reassemble it, ransom-note-style, into messages appearing to threaten you, photograph them and complain about them on Facebook.
A sister-in-law of mine is very Christian. We get along OK. One year she was down here in the city and she was Christmas shopping for her young boy and I found a book with lego depictions of Old Testament stories. I showed it to her and she liked it and she bought it. (OH her son’s name is NOAH, just to give you an idea) So later, a closer inspection of the book revealed in the Sodom and Gomorrah part there was a tiny Lego Hal Briston. Yes the Lego man was fornicating with a Lego sheep.
I don’t think Noah ever got that book.
I was going to suggest that Skald bandage his hands as if suffering from blistering and return the gifts, complaining of burns, but photos of the “scorched” little ones is an even better idea.
Video yourself thanking the gift givers profusely, then debunking many of the Christian myths to your kids by using the gifts as educational props.
Now, you have a captive audience of your family, who gave these gifts, to sit and observe in horror as the Baby Jesus explains Darwinism, or the angel Gabriel describes the Christmas Star was most likely being a planetary alignment, comet or a supernova, and not a silly mythical… Errr… miracle at all. Assuming the origins of the story to have any veracity in the slightest (and adding it’s astronomically more likely Mary committed adultery with Joseph. Or was raped.)
Also, the Baby Jesus should explain how him and his teachings are likely an idealized amalgam borrowed from other religions before him, and how he’s mostly unoriginal, especially when compared to other religions and philosophies.
This would be a good part to have Baby Jesus giggle sheepishly. The kids love that… adorable.
I think cmyk has nailed it. Please post a link to the video. If there were a way to film the family members viewing the video this would be a big hit here on the dope.
On a less silly (but more fiscally-prudent) note, I’d put every last thing into some sort of storage that will keep it safe for a few generations, bequesting it to your children, their children etc down the line. Vacuum bags for the fabric gifts, boxes with absorbent material for the books…you know the deal.
They will eventually be worth a fortune as historic relics from a bygone age.
Think about it: Christianity is losing it’s tenacious grip in most of the developed world, and the US has gotta ‘get with the program’ eventually. Such kitsch as you have been gifted will become novelties in the next few years, then archeological artifacts not too much later. You won’t get rich off it, but your great-grandchildren may well. And they’ll be thanking good ol’ Great-granddaddy Skald AND Jesus for their thoughtfulness.
I can remember being given a 33.33 record of some famous female actress reading bible stories. I would probably recognize her name if it were suggested.
evil
I really like this one - and send a picture of the kid wearing the pentagram…
