I taught my little sister, when she was learning various animal sounds, that a raven said “Nevermore”.
I got in trouble at work because I taught my office maniger’s 3yo girl to say "3 HI Opal " when ever some one asked her how old she is ( her mother was not around when Idid this and wouldn’t know the dope from a hole in her head). Well the other day she ( the mother) comes to work and demands an explanation why the lady at daycare wanted to know if she was a :eek: DOPER :smack: and just what Hi Opal ment. So I had to log or at work and do a search to prove it was harmless and that other kids mom was not a threat to socity.
If any one was that mom I am sorry if she freaked out too bad (E-mail me we can do dinner).
I taught my son the Redskins fight song.
On his third birthday, the Redskins played against the Browns in Cleveland.
He and I were (seemingly) the only ones in the place dressed in maroon and gold singing “Hail to the Redskins” when they scored.
He’s now seven. His little sister, now three, also knows the Redskins fight song.
We go to a local sports-themed restuarant and watch the Redskins games.
And all three of us sing the fight song.
My wife pretends she’s with the Browns fans on the other side of the restuarant.
We were putting my neice through the paces; “What does a duck say?” etc. When:
Bro: What does Mommy say?
Neice: (holds up hand and makes talky gesture) “Blah blah blah blah blah!”
A moment of laughter, then:
Sis-in-law: What does Daddy say?
Neice: “Fart-fart!”
Daddy wasn’t expecting that!
[QUOTE=Beware of Doug]
b. The Cut Off Your Thumb trick. You bend your right thumb over, lay your left thumb over it (bent so only the top joint shows), cover up the gap with your left index, then find an innocent bystander and move the left thumb and index up and away. Eeew.
[/QUOTE]
OMG. My father-in-law does this, but he has an advantage. Years ago, he accidentally cut off the tip of his middle finger on his left hand. You see where this is going. He also has a great rapport with kids. What he does is artistry:
FIL: Hey, you wanna see a trick?
Kid: Ok!
FIL: Ok, you see my fingers? holds out right hand, without injury
Kid: Yeah.
FIL: They’re all there? wiggles fingers
Kid: laughs Yeah!
FIL: Ok, now watch closely. performs thumb-trick with right middle finger, really hamming it up, pretending to be really hurt
Kid: getting concerned now Are you ok?
FIL: Yeah, I think so… looks at hand, gasps, and holds out left hand, with missing fingertip
Kid: :eek:
Well, I didn’t really teach him this per se, but after hours and hours of watching The Princess Bride over and over again instead of Baby Einstien videos and VeggieTales, Kiddo started telling people (about the age of three) that his name was, “Inigo Montoya, you killed my father. Prepare to die.” One day we caught him muttering it under his breath to himself. I mentioned he could tell people that when they asked him what his name was. Aparently he took me seriously.
As soon as he could talk I taught him to say, “Dodgers Suck!” and “Go Giants!”.
[QUOTE=Jammer]
I have a 5, 8, and 10 year old. When folks ask them what they are studying in school (a normal kid-friendly question), they have been taught to say “Poetry!” When they are invariably asked about a favorite poem, with true Tar Heel glee they recite…
Wake is fake.
Duke is puke.
But the team I hate
is NC State.
I realize this means little to about 99.99% of the world’s population, but in ACC basketball country it always gets some kind of reaction. 
[/QUOTE]
Oddly enough, my four year old’s favorite song is the Over hill/over dale fight song, where he proudly shouts out, “Go State!!”
My sister taught my son a slew of “funny” things to say. But she never showed us while she was around. Instead, these phrases were like timebombs set to go off when ever we triggered them.
“Hey, Kyle! Time for dinner!”
“What crap are you feeding me tonight?”
All in good fun. Or so we thought until we received a *very * angry call from his kindergarten teacher…
“Your son just called me a… a… a FREAK OF NATURE!”
My sister was married two months ago. My siblings and I can’t wait for her first kid…
[QUOTE=GrizzRich]
I taught my son the Redskins fight song.
On his third birthday, the Redskins played against the Browns in Cleveland.
He and I were (seemingly) the only ones in the place dressed in maroon and gold singing “Hail to the Redskins” when they scored.
He’s now seven. His little sister, now three, also knows the Redskins fight song.
We go to a local sports-themed restuarant and watch the Redskins games.
And all three of us sing the fight song.
My wife pretends she’s with the Browns fans on the other side of the restuarant.
[/QUOTE]
You should teach them that calling two consecutive time outs is against the rules!!LOL
[QUOTE=Cemetery Savior]
I always say that this is the single best piece of dialogue ever written for the movies.
[/QUOTE]
But it apparently traces to very non-cinematic source:
[Quote=Genghis Khan]
The greatest pleasure is to vanquish your enemies and chase them before you, to rob them of their wealth and see those dear to them bathed in tears, to ride their horses and clasp to your bosom their wives and daughters.
[/Quote]
I love all these little tortures and cannot wait to see my grandnephew again
[QUOTE=The Sonoran Lizard King]
You can also get a calculator to spell out <snip>, (after complicated fake computations on the petroleum industry), Shell Oil.
[/QUOTE]
type the numbers consecutively, without operands, and say
“142 Jews faught 154 Arabs for 69 days over” hit the multiplication operand “5 oil wells. Why?” Hit the equals button and turn the calculator upside down. SHELLOIL.
[QUOTE=KSO]
How to make fart noises with a bendy straw stuck in the armpit. The results are much better than with a hand in the armpit.
[/QUOTE]
My son, now almost 6, absolutely loves this! He learned it a couple years ago at a birthday party from the father of the 7 yo birthday boy!
[QUOTE=The Sonoran Lizard King]
I taught my girlfriend’s 9 year old grand-daughter how to blow up a balloon, then stretch the throat taut, so the escaping air makes a high pitched shreak.
I got no thanks for that one.
[/QUOTE]
Wow - my kids learned the shreak trick before they could blow up the balloons.
And no, I will not blow up your balloon again just so you can make all that racket.
“How old are you?” “Four”
“How old is (sister)?” “Sister’s six”
“How old is (brother)?” “Brother’s twelve”
“How old is Mommy?” “Mommy’s thirty-eight”
“How old is Daddy?” Daddy’s oooold."
I told my youngest the story in the OP (she’s 18 now) and two or three days later when she was home for the weekend I said to her, just at random, “Fire up, Chips.” She responded, “I don’t remember what I’m supposed to say.”
I taught my friend’s baby to say “shit”. I thought it was hilarious, and laughed every time he said it, which made him say it more. His parents were…not amused.
[QUOTE=Snickers]
My brother-in-law taught this set of responses to my niece. It’s as cute as hell.
“What does a cow say?”
“Mooo.”
[/QUOTE]
Teagan always answers “Mooo”, but if you ask Alex “What else do cows say?” he will respond, “Eat more chicken!”
Alex also likes to say “Oooh, that’s gotta hurt” in his deepest, growliest voice (trying to sound like Daddy’s imitation of Bruce Campbell from Army of Darkness) whenever he sees a wrecked car in real life or a car crash on TV.
In addition, he can sing along to Bowling for Soup and Cheap Trick. One of these days, I’ll have to post videos of him singing “Girl All the Bad Guys Want” and “The Dream Police” to Youtube. It’ll be a scream.
I purposely taught my oldest son to say ‘Ozzy Rules’, complete with banging head and goat sign. Grandparents were not amused. Monty Pythonisms are littered throughout their vocabulary, again on purpose.
All three were unintentionally taught to annouce other’s bodily excretions with “Whoa dog, what crawled up your butt and died?” I regret this one now.
My children answer to me periodically, and usually before an audience, " Yes, Robotic Mother Of Mine." Usually followed with the mechanical drone of " Must Destroy All Mankind. Must Destroy all Mankind."
[hijack]
[QUOTE=psiekier]
Teagan always answers “Mooo”,
[/QUOTE]
OMG! It’s a Teagan! I love that name. My goddaughter is a Teaghan, and just a bitch to buy personalized pencils for. 
Dr. Who fan?
[/hijack]
[QUOTE=fluiddruid]
When I was but a bratty little kid, I taught my youngest sister that flipping the bird meant “I love you”.
Hilarity ensued.
[/QUOTE]
That reminds me of this little gem… http://www.youdamnkid.com/d/19990307.html
When I taught preschool, every child that came through very sooned learned how to blow a kiss.
…and wave like royalty. Straight-faced, dignified, slowly rotating their cupped right hand side to side.
Hundreds of kids.