What superHEROES could James Bond beat in a fight?

Cafe Society
1

It’s high time we had another “versus” thread, sez I.

This time, it’s our man Bond…James Bond. 007.

Versus?

Anyone and everyone. Well, any and every super HERO, that is. Comics, TV, movies…you name it.

By my figuring, 007 could trounce almost any (if not every) terrestrial supervillain, and probably a few extraterrestrial ones.

SuperHEROES, however, are a harder nut to crack. I think there’s been a “Mojo” theory posted on these boards, which seeks to explain which heroes are “winner,” and which aren’t. (Batman has the highest recorded Mojo level. Wolverine has very high Mojo levels. Superman has low mojo, and the Jason Todd Robin actually had negative Mojo.) By this standard, I’d say that Bond has a fairly high mojo level.

That being said… could Bond best, in a fight?

The rules? Not many. Except that it’s assuming a one-on-one matchup, with no teamups of heroes. (Some exceptions can be made, for pre-existing teams. But you can understand how Bond vs. the entire JLA wouldn’t get very far.) Also, Bond would probably kill his opponent if he had to, as long as he’d win. (Actually…Bond kills everyone he fights anyway, doesn’t he?)

Q-Branch devices are, of course, allowed. Within reason. (i.e. A run of the mill wristwatch-laser is reasonable, a teleporter device isn’t.) Bonus points if it’s a device actually used in the movies or books.

I’ve got a select few thought out so far. I’ve broken this down into categories, for quick reference. My initial estimates, of course, are prone to being somewhat shaky.

•Certain
The Punisher
Anyone with “lame” powers. ('Natch. Like “filler” mutants at Xavier’s; that robot who could make his limbs fall off at will, etc.)

•Probably
Superman (Everyone else seems to be able to knock Supes for a loop, through shrewd trickery, technological innovations, or sheer brute force. I figure Bond has a chance.)
Elektra (Not to sell her short…but how many OTHER amazing ninja assassins has Bond already taken down?)

•After a Hard Fight (In the last reel)
Wolverine

•Maybe
Spider-Man
Fantastic Four (Mostly because they’re all working together. Maybe if Bond seduced Sue, or something…)
Dr. Strange (Hard to say…I don’t think Bond’s ever gone up against magic.)

•Doubtful (Mostly way too powerful)
The Hulk
Green Lantern

•Almost Certainly Not
Batman (Surprise, surprise.)
Silver Surfer

So…anyone else feel like taking this one on? Any thoughts, corrections, or additions?

2

Actually, I consider Batman and Bond evenly matched. they both have incredible physical prowess, dark souls, and access to advanced techno-gadgets. I say that’s a 50-50.

I think Iron Man has a better chance against Bond than Batman does.

3

Compared to the heroes in the Marvel and DC Universes, Bond would be roughly mid-level hand-to-hand. He loses to the vast majority of superheroes and supervillains in the respective universes.

To address some of your specific matchups:

Superman: Supes is well-established as the biggest, toughest dude on the block in the DCU. You have to have access to someone of his power level, such as Captain Marvel, magic, or kryptonite to do much against him. Bond has none of these. He stands no chance.

Wolverine: No chance. Hand to hand, wolvie heals any wound Bond can inflict, and has no compunctions against killing. Hell, give Bond a gun, and Wolverine still wins.

Spider-Man: Bond has to run away from Jaws, who is slower, weaker, and a bigger target than Spidey. Bond not only loses, he loses without landing a single damaging blow. And Spidey has better patter for the most part, too.

Fantastic Four: Any individual in the FF dispense with Bond quite easily. Even if the Thing didn’t fight back, Bond’d be hard pressed to find a way to cause any harm. Bond’s biggest asset is his ability to adapt to new situations, and he’s badly outclassed by Reed there. And seduce Sue? Please.

Batman: Bond would have a shot here. Not a good one, but he has a shot. Bats must be prepared for to exploit a specific opponant’s weaknesses, while Bond is top notch at improvising. Bond has the advantage of being willing to kill.

You gotta stick to those with a normal human power level to give Bond any chance whatsoever. Anyone in the JLA kicks his ass without breaking a sweat, save perhaps Batman, who probably would break a sweat.

Now villains, that’s a different story. Let Bond loose in Gotham, and you’ve made it a better place to live, because Bond will kill to protect life. The Joker? Dead. Two-Face? Dead. The Penguin? Dead. Any and all enemies who are essentially serial killers with a gimmick? Dead.

4

I’m gonna play Devil’s Advocate. I essentially agree with Number Six’s assessments but disagree to his rather cavalier dismissal of Bond’s chances. I mean, this is James freakin’ BOND here. Plus, in addition to denigrating Bond’s physical prowress and mental dexerity, there’s a major monosyllabic asset Six is forgetting… namely, Q.

007 operatives have had access to unconventional super-gadgetry since the early 60s, and its foolish to assume Q (and by Q I mean the original, best Q: Desmond Llewellyn. Jury’s still out on John Cleese.) wouldn’t have devised some sort of counteroffensive against superheroes, esp. Superman. If Q branch hadn’t managed to synethsize kryptonite in a 40 year time span, we have seen that Superman can be badly affected by sonic weapons and red solar radiation. Q can whip up a variation of one of these on his lunch break.

Bond vs. Wolverine mano e mano while Logan’s in a berzerker rage? Agreed. Bond targeting Wolverine is another story: I could see how Bond, aided with nuerochemical anesthetics and access to some non-ballistic firearms (say, a compacted laser gun) and have a decent chance at taking him alive. Remember: Bond would have no compunction against killing Wolverine, either, and’s he’s a better marksman than 90% of whomever Wolverine happens to come up against. Oh, and Wolverine can heal from many wounds, but I recall him being electrocuted on any number of occassions in several alternate histories. Isn’t that how Bond took out Oddjob – and at least one henchmen in a bathtub?

Unarmed, Bond absolutely can’t take Spidey – but since when is Bond ever unarmed? An array of nice exotic sleeper darts should fell Spidey as easily as all those times Kraven the Hunter did. BTW, Bond doesn’t do patter. Bond does one-liner quips involving puns after he’s killed somebody.
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I’d have to be individually. A teamed-up FF would mop the floor with the whole 007 division! But here’s the fight(s) as I see it…

Reed: Bond adapts far better than Reed in combat situations. The key here would be to take this fight to Reed as hand to hand, and pray an opportunity presents itself during fighting. I’m pretty sure Reed, pliable form notwithstanding, is still susceptible to choke holds, pressure points, burns, electrocution, cold extremes, poisons and the need to breathe. Maybe Bond should throw a urine sample in Reed’s eyes.

Torch: Mid-air aerial combat using an updated Little Nellie-type light aircraft and some sort of flame retardant chemical foam projectile.

Thing: Very, very, very tough. Reed’s best bet is to take him on with his sight-invisible remote controlled, machine gun mounted BMW with air-to-air missiles. I just hope the Thing ain’t in the Fantasti-Car or it’s clobberin’ time.

Invisible Woman: Whoa, there. Sue’s two great loves in her life have been a nerd and a damp naked fish-man — and you don’t think she could fall for a debonair English spy who seduces women as regularly as you and I take baths? I take it back – if Bond seduces Sue first, she can take out the rest of the FF for him.

You’ve summed this up nicely.

5

The key thing here - is James Bond prepared? :wink: Seriously, if he can plan for a fight, he could get the weapons he needs to take down most super heroes. He could see if Q has any kyptonite in stock to take down superman. Or a portable EMP device to take down Iron Man. Or one of those sticky foam guns to trap Wolverine with. Stuff like that.

But if Bond was caught unaware, with just his normal gadgets & handgun, I don’t think he would fair to well against most superheroes.

6

Bond wins every skimish, every time, no question. Why? Characters have to play by by their own fiction rules. Superheros in theor universe rarely kill other people in theor universes, whereas Bond kills lots of people on purpose all the time. People die with great regularity in the Bond universe. The “no matter if you attack me with deadly force I will survive rule” of the Superhero universe is nullified by “you will die easily” rule of the Bond universe that applies to everyone but Bond.

Superman - kryptonite- he’s dead
Wolverine - high explosive - he’s dead
Batman - shot to the head - he’s dead
Hulk - poison gas - he’s dead

etc. etc.

The key point being that they are quite mortal in the Bond universe. Don’t cross the streams baby!

7

Sorry, high explosives won’t kill Wolvie. Take wolvie without the adamantium and he is pretty much unkillable.

Neither will poison gas kill The Hulk. The Hulk heals nearly as fast and efficiently as wolvie. I recall many instances in which the hulk was pretty much vaporized except for a tiny bit of muscle attaching his skeleton together, and still healed. Poison gas? Hah!

Maybe if you threw him on a planet full of poison gas? Are you going to somehow keep him in a room long enough for the poison gas to defeat his incredible healing factor? Yeah right, anything you put him in he will break out of. Shoot poison darts into him? Think it was tried many times, never seemed to work well.

I would say one has a greater chance of killing Wolverine than one has of killing the Hulk. Especially the new hulk, the one that doesn’t turn into David Banner.

All that would take is the information that David Banner is the hulk, and a shot to the head. Poison gas wouldn’t kill banner fast enough, he would revert to the hulk.

8

RE Wolverine and the Hulk your’re still living by the kinda-sorta silly Marvel universe laws of chance and causality. If you land a pack of exploding C-4 anywhere near Wolverine it’s going to shred the flesh off his fancy bones - he’s dead Jim. A real high explosive in the Bond universe blows things apart, it doesn’t just give you a skin rash as in the Marvel universe.

Re the Hulk he has been felled by gas in the past and he can’t hold his breath forever. He can be killed. If the Hulk’s powers have now advanced to the stage you describe re healing he’s effectively Godlike, and the entire point of a “what if” confrontation becomes kind of moot.

9

I would like to point out that in World War Two, Reed was an O.S.S. agent. Which means that he has had some fairly extensive hand-to-hand combat training, probably from many of the same teachers as Bond. Reed served in the field, behind enemy lines, so he has also had quite a bit of field experience, even without powers. In a super-powered situation, Reed lets Ben do the heavy lifting, but in a non-powered situation, Reed is the best hand-to-hand fighter in the FF. Bond would eventually win, but it would not be an easy victory.

10

Well, he could definitely take down Steel and Huntress, so that’s what, 1/6th, of the JLA?

11

Batman, if he’s prepared.

hey waitaminute…

12

Bond has two things working for him. The “sex appeal factor”, and the “aura of death-delay by implausible death contraptions”.

Inevitably, even if Wolverine or Spidey wins the battle, they will find themselves standing victorious over Bond, only to inexplicably feel the irresistable power of Bond’s aura. The super hero will then devote all of their efforts to create a complex and ingenious contraption to kill Bond while simultaneously humbling him before the supreme intellect of the superhero.

While the aura is working its magic on the superhero and delaying Bond’s death, Catwoman, Elektra, and Ms Marvel (who Bond secretly bedded and charmingly pointed out the follies of their life of crime) will sneak up from behind and dispatch the superhero before he can enact Bond’s final death blow…

13

Uh uh…that aura only works on people who actually intend to kill Bond. Heroes like Spider-Man have no intent to kill Bond, so they can’t fall susceptible to his aura.

14

Nope. Sorry. Uh-uh. There’s noOOoooooo way I buy that Reed Richards, scientist, could beat Ben “Clbberin’ Time” Grimm, gang leader/college football star/war veteran/test pilot in a non-powered hand to hand fight. O.S.S. training aside-- it’s too much of a character stretch.

15

I am a huge Bond fan. I have all of the movies on DVD, and I watch the entire series in order a couple of times a year. Including Moonraker and A View to a Kill. I didn’t cavalierly dismiss his chances. I considered them as realistically as one can consider James Bond or comic book superheroes.

If you assume that Bond has always existed in the DCU, this might be plausible. But that would be a different Bond than the movie Bond, which is who I assumed we are talking about. If, however, the conflict occurred as a result of Bond being transferred to the DCU, or Superman to the Bond U, Bond would stand no chance whatsoever.

Look at what’s happening in Supreme Power. The entire US government is incapaple of so much as slowing Hyperion (a Superman archetype) down.

Targeting from a distance isn’t a one-on-one battle as proposed in the op.

Bond does patter, but that’s beside the point. He’d have to hit Spidey with those sleeper darts, and Spidey is, at best, hard to hit. In addition, those Kraven stories have always been among the least plausible of the Spider-Man stories. I much prefer the Ultimate version, in which the big confrontation consists of Spider-Man hitting Kraven once.

Gotta disagree with you here. Adapting to new situations is Reed’s greatest asset, often more so than his stretching powers.

And hand-to-hand? It is to laugh. For Bond, hand-to-hand is within a foot or two. For Reed, hand-to-hand could be 20 or 30 yards away. Reed is hell on wheels hand-to-hand combat. Choke holds he can easily strecth out of, and his body absorbs nearly any impact, and is nearly invulnerable to stabbing instruments. For the other things, you have to hit him. He’s quite experienced at avoiding projectiles used to attack him by supervillains.

Gotta get that Little Nellie off the ground. Gotta hit Torch with the flame retardant stuff before torch melts Little Nellie.

The machine gun would be useless. The air to air missles in the BMW might sting a bit. I again refer to Bond’s battle with Jaws. The Thing is faster and by many orders of magnitude, stronger and tougher than Jaws or Red Grant, or any of the other bad guys Bond barely beats.

Pshaw. Bond would have to turn Sue against her husband, brother, and closest friend. Without some kind of mind control device, that ain’t happening.

And in a non-powered situation, Sue is the best hand-to-hand fighter in the FF.

16

Not to get in over my head against you guys, but I figure Bond vs Daredevil would be a decent fight. They both are fearless and lucky. DD is a better fighter but by Bonds universe rules Q would have given him something to de-sonar DD, plus a few other tricks. I think that one could go the full twelve.

17

How do you figure that?

18

No, not living by rules of chance. Real explosives. It would have to be a serious load to kill wolverine without Adamantium. It could be done I guess with enough explosives. Wolverine with Adamantium is probably going to be a bit harder. I think in several x-men comics wolverine has survived flames and explosions. Cant think of any off hand though. I will give you that he is vulnerable though.

As for the hulk, though, his powers grew stronger through the years. Back in the early late 80’s early 90’s is where the shift in power of the hulk changed. No Hulk of recent comics would die from falling out of a plane or helicopter like the movies.
Comic hulk can pick up mountains and shit. As for his healing factor I quote this:

http://www.incrediblehulk.com/powersabilities.html

The comic I was thinking of sounds familiar to the vector scenario. In a battle with some big headed alien dude (the leader?), the hulk was walking towards him to bash the snot out of him, while at the time was getting shot with some lazer. The hulk walked through the blast, which was tearing chunks off him, and by the time he reached the guy, had only the minutest mucles showing on his burnt skeleton, and still managed to puch, and knock out, the leader.

And here: Hulk

I would imagine that this Hulk has similar resistances or immunities to many gases. I remember reading comics in which the Hulk survived a short time in space without oxygen.

I don’t think bond would stand a chance with the Hulk, in any twisted literary device. I doubt he would even stand a chance with wolverine. What explosive are you going to catch him off guard with that he won’t smell a mile away?

19

One weird thing in the Wolverine story line where he loses his adamantium… Some say that the adamantium prohibited Logan (or James) from exhibiting his healing power’s true strength. His healing factor had to keep the adamantium in check, which limited his power somewhat. With the adamantium gone, Logan is nigh unkillable. I remember one source saying “Wounds that would be deadly to the old Logan would merely scratch the adamantium free Logan.” However, this doesn’t seem to be what the comics showed. It seemed like the adamantium somehow strengthened his healing factor because of a new alloy being created when it fuses to bone. Only people with healing factor could survive the transplant, though, and only those with healing factor would benifit anyway. I’ll upload some proof of this in a bit, if I can find it.

20

Number Six, an unmixed pleasure reading your woefully misguided and painfully inaccurate assessments, nattering, meandering and predictable though they may be. I stand firmly by my reasoning and hope my points were equal in their task of both enlightening and amusing you, too, as I approached this argument with all the glorified abandon I usually reserve for “Batman, if he’s prepared” threads. Yet I caution all SDMB readers perusing this topic to take Six’s baldly flawed and biased opinion with the requisite grain of salt, since this self-professed ‘fan’ is plainly named for a member of SPECTRE and thus, his loyalties must be considered profoundly suspect (at best) and (very likely) fundamentally corrupt.

Until Miss Moneypenny is given a first name, I remain at service to her Majesty (and all the good lads from Eton),

Sir Askia Hale