Argh. Last week, we found out that my brother and his wife are expecting their first child. It’s also the first grandchild for my parents.
I will admit, that for ONE NIGHT after we found out, while I was absolutely happy for them, I did cry out of disappointment to my husband - I’m eager to be a mom, and we’re not getting started until September, and being the oldest in the family who has done everything last (as in getting married and buying a house), I really wanted to have the first grandchild. I won’t lie and say it wasn’t a selfish feeling - it was. And I fully admit that. Part of it was also just the fact that I’m really ready to be a mom, and it’s hard to watch friends and family getting pregnant left and right while my husband’s not quite ready. But by the next day, I was over my disappointment, and I was excited as hell. It gives me the opportunity to shop for baby clothes without scaring my husband, start my niece or nephew’s book collection, and hell, when we have our own in a year or so, hand-me-downs! So yes, I am thrilled to meet my niece or nephew in October.
Apparently, my mom grilled my husband today while I was out running errands. He called them to let them know something else, and she spent a few minutes grilling him about whether or not I was upset about the baby, because apparently, everyone in the family thought I would be. My husband finally said he had to cut her off because he was about to get pissed - he wasn’t exactly going to tell my family that yes, I spent a half hour in tears because of it. He just told my mother that I’m fine with it - which yes, I am NOW.
Christ, aren’t I allowed to be human? And why the hell is EVERYONE waiting for me to burst into tears in front of the family? I mean, for fuck’s sake, I’ve never been anything but supportive to my brother and his wife, as well as the rest of my family. I’ve never been the type to get upset with someone because “I didn’t get to do it first”. I will adore my niece or nephew as much as I would have if my own child were first. I may get upset momentarily, but never in public with my family - I would never, ever want my brother to feel like I wasn’t thrilled about his baby. My brother and I are fairly close and I’d never want to hurt him like that.
I’m just really annoyed right now. I’d like my mother to knock it off. And by the way, next time, she can ask ME instead of grilling my poor husband.