Not my family, thank Og, but my husband’s.
Backstory: B has had a very severe headache condition that he was recently hospitalized for. Prior to that he suffered for 18 months. His family has never been warm and fuzzy, but they are exceptionally cold to him about everything, including his medical problems. Let me also say that EVERYONE else who knows B thinks he is a wonderful guy, a great dad, and just an all-around good person to have around. He’s one of the sweetest, most loving people I’ve ever known. But is is obviously not a genetic thing.
B has two brothers, S and J. Their parents aren’t nearly as cold to S and J as they are to B. They are extremely religious (Catholic) and his dad has been going through phases to become a deacon of the church. Since he started with this their family has been more and more distant from each other. S and his family play into the Catholic thing, and I think that’s why his mom and dad like him best. But the weird thing is that J is gay and they treat him far better than they’ve ever treated B.
S is married with four children, and my husband was previously married and has two children from that relationship. His parents actively participate with S’s kids, but won’t give B’s kids the time of day. And they are all really well-behaved and lovely children. B says his mom has always been hot and cold, and that sometimes when they were kids she would “take the summer off,” meaning that she would go live away from her family for that time.
When B got married the first time, he was only 18 and had gotten the girl pregnant. This is the only thing we can think of that would have made his parents act the way they do about him. Well, that and his non-participation in the church.
We just got done in Michigan, where B spent two weeks at a hospital being treated for his head condition. His family didn’t call, didn’t send a card, nada. But my family sent flowers and lots of others called to wish him well and see how he was doing. He sent some emails giving updates about everything and they didn’t even respond.
Now that he’s back home he has called his mom a few different times to see if he could come by to visit and she’s actually said no. She gives no reason. Understandably, this upsets my husband greatly. He’s searched his heart and mind for the answer to why his family wants nothing to do with him, but comes up emptyhanded.
I don’t understand this and it breaks my heart. For fuck’s sake, people who haven’t even met B ask me how he is doing. I have girls at work asking, people at the school, my family, and pretty much anyone else who knows about it. Hell, my dad offered to pay for him to go to the Mayo Clinic back before we knew about the Michigan Clinic. And he offered to drive B there himself.
B just called me to tell me that he called his mom and she told him he couldn’t come over. She gave no reason. He is hurt beyond belief over it and doesn’t say anything to them when they treat him like this. I don’t know what to do or if I should do anything at all. Part of me just wants to send his mom an email to tell her how much their uncaring attitude has hurt B. But, the boundaries of what is appropriate are keeping me from doing anything.
What would you do? Or would you do anything at all?