But how did they…
Um.
Er.
OHHH! 
Took me a while.
They forgot the part about putting duct tape around your windows.
My concern is what if those taken up in the rapture are so few to notice. All we would know is that among several billion people, a few hundred go missing. No one would really notice.
Wait a sec… we get unsolved missiong persons all the time!
Maybe the rapture has occurred or is occurring this very moment!
Well, since my top two candidates for the Antichrist have already been taken (George W. and Bill Gates), I’ll just go now and open up my rapture/earthquake/hurricane survival kit.
And what if post-Rapture is really fun? Think about it. Theoretically, we’d be rid of several thousand fundies. How can that do anything but IMPROVE the world?
As Monty Python’s Flying Circus said:
Anyhoo, I really wish I could collar one of the idiot fundies spreading this crap and say, “Yo, where in the Bible did Jesus say to spend all your time waiting for the Rapture? In fact, show me where the word ‘Rapture’ is even mentioned.”
Fundies usually quote II Thessalonians as their source, but it mentions the dead going into the air before the living at the Last Judgement, and it says nothing about the Rapture/Antichrist nonsense.
What really gets me about the fundies is that they concentrate solely on persecuting gay folk, trying to sneak creationism into the schools, and buying those ludicrous LaHaye/Jenkins tomes on bad exegesis and simple-minded eschatology, while they totally disregard what Jesus said were the two greatest commandments: to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind, and to love your brother as you love yourself.
That’s it, two simple commmandments, and beside those all else is just commentary, yet the fundies completely disobey Jesus’s words. The fundies’ fear of the Antichrist is the richest irony, for IMO fundies are anti-Christians who turn Jesus’s teachings upside down, so that instead of spreading faith, hope, and charity, they sow hate, bigotry, and fear.
If anybody is the servant of Nicolae Carpathia, it’s those Biblebeating assclowns.
Yeah, that was the reference I was going for, gobear. Thank you for de-subbing my subtext. 
Ahem, I most assuredly sure that the not all manufacturers of dairy products were included and might have to agitate for your burning at the stake if you claim otherwise.
Ha, I’ll bet you’re one of those damned gourd-followers who will surely suffer eternally for his pernicious heresy, when it is obvious to even the simplest child that the one true path to salvation is to Follow the Shoe!
Gobear, you owe me – I’ve now got pieces of my brain scattered all over my monitor! Then again, it is early, and I owe you one for speaking up in favor of Christianity a few weeks ago.
CJ
Gourd? Gourd? Bah, and bah on the Shoe as well. I only accept the original revelation as valid.
Heretic.
I personally wish to move into cheese-cloth production. After this Rapture thing, I expect few if any problems in promoting cheese cloth as a clothing option, as well as means of production.
Actually, further to this:
Of course not, I never panic. Indeed Rapture should open up whole new investment areas for me. (see prior posting, e.g.)
Yeah, whatever matey, right now I am living through the Great Tribulation of some kind of nasty bloody disease picked up from contaminated food supplies. Try that you schmucks.
Sorry, I’ll be busy. Funds will have to be raised. Financing for takeovers of all those empty properties.
What about a discount? Say, half off with some free Xian baby sacrifices on tuesdays?
Very good, except due to my current tribulations, I can only eat soups. Terribly tedious this. Oh, and regretably Vache qui rit seems to sit well, to my shame.
Hah, I work in the Middle East, SOP.
Right, very good.
Of course not.
Well, does his system match current IMF guidelines on macro-economic restructuring, because otherwise he’s in for some scrappy committee work to get the whole thing through. I mean imagine the bribery involved.
That’s helpful. Does this mean they avoid UPC coded items? Look, sales opp!?
Non-UPC coded goods for only double the price! Xian Safe! Kosher, Halal too, for the complete religious coverage as well. (Well this might set them off, so the K and H stuff might only go for a slight markup.)
Hmmm, bit puzzled by the cash-less part.
Where’s the angle. (And the fruit-makers can rot off)
So everyone here has read the Hitchhiker’s books, right?
There has to be some way of convincing all fundies that the rapture involves them being taken out into space in a gigantic spacecraft and sent off to, errr, Heaven. No, really, [he says trying to keep a straight face] all you need to do is jump right on here, and we’ll follow along later, mmmkay?
I saw a bumper sticker:
In the event of Rapture, can I have your car?
It’s been done; the hardest part will be convincing the male fundies to castrate themselves. 
And if the price is right I’ll be glad to set you up with a few certified pre-owned (by the raptured) cars. I imagine a few of them will have been owned by wealthy fundies.
ivylass, though, is a bit late … dear, I’m afraid you’ll have to take second fiddle, but you can always work for commission!
I want to know-how many people really take this seriously?
I’ve never come across anyone like that around here, but then, Pittsburgh, at least as far as I’m aware, does not have a HUGE fundie population…
If y’all could just indulge me for a second…I really need to get this out of my system…
IT’S A SANDAL!!
Thank you.
Splitter!
I must thank SanibelMan for leading me to an insight I would otherwise have missed.
According to the flyer he describes, the preparations one should make for the Rapture are nearly indistinguishable from those one should make for a hurricane (setting to one side their speculations about the nature of the Mark of the Beast).
This suggests to me that the physical aspect of the Rapture – what an earth scientist would describe it as – is some form of cyclonic storm system.
This being the case then, I am confused as to why its strongest advocates assume that it will not include the Friends of Dorothy.
♫♫ And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true ♫♫
I’ll be OK I guess; with great effort, I just managed to materialise three small pineapples and a kiwifruit.
For those of you who have only managed to wish tomatoes into existence, rest assured - the botanical definition of ‘fruit’ is on your side.