What to do in case of rapture and/or hurricane

[Wabbit]

Heh–if the Rapture involves dead people reanimating in order to pass through the Pearly Gates, does that mean it’s going to be a Night of the Living Dead type of situation? 'Cause if so that’d be pretty damn cool. Does it say anything about having a shotgun in these Rapture survival guides?

[iampunha]

*Originally posted by Polycarp *
This suggests to me that the physical aspect of the Rapture – what an earth scientist would describe it as – is some form of cyclonic storm system.

That, along with the fact that that type of storm frequents an area that rather closely follows the Bible Belt, … oh, lots of property available when that whole thing goes down. A big ol’ plot.

Can you IMAGINE the Theme Park?

[Priam]

*Originally posted by Polycarp *
**This suggests to me that the physical aspect of the Rapture – what an earth scientist would describe it as – is some form of cyclonic storm system.

This being the case then, I am confused as to why its strongest advocates assume that it will not include the Friends of Dorothy.

♫♫ And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true ♫♫ **

dies laughing I love you, Poly. Bear my surrogate children?

[pepperlandgirl]

Out of curiosity, does Oh god, oh god, oh god, I’m coming! count as prayer? Cuz if so, I’m going to have to make up a new one…

[RTFirefly]

*Originally posted by SanibelMan *
But what is the Mark of the Beast? A UPC code, of course. They were good enough to include a diagram of a UPC symbol, pointing out where the three sixes are.

Boy, won’t they be flummoxed when they find out UPC codes are being phased out.

[iampunha]

*Originally posted by 3waygeek *
It’s been done; the hardest part will be convincing the male fundies to castrate themselves.

And I suppose crossing religions and offering them 72 virgins when they get to Heaven wouldn’t quite justify that…

[davidm]

This seems appropriate to this thread.

[Darth_Nader]

Note to self:

Buy:
Bottled water
Canned food
Shotgun Shells
Batteries
Porn

Okay! I’m all set for the hurricane that’s supposed to hit us Tuesday.

What?

Oh. I see.

Is there somewhere I can trade in all this porn for bibles?

[system]

*Originally posted by RTFirefly *
**Boy, won’t they be flummoxed when they find out UPC codes are being phased out. **

Aha, another Satanic plot, the Anti-Christ (et al.) are one step ahead of them.

[system]

*Originally posted by Darth Nader *

Is there somewhere I can trade in all this porn for bibles? ]

Oh, there will be, just you wait. Lounsbury’s Magical Emporium of Remaindered Fundy Loot.

[dropzone]

*Originally posted by SanibelMan *
Wait a minute. Installed? Forget what I said before, Bill Gates is the Antichrist!

Programmers have known it for years. Simple program you can plug into the QBASIC that comes with most versions of Windows:

BEAST$ = "BILLGATES"

FOR X = 1 TO 9                         'These lines go through the name
        LETTER$ = MID$(BEAST$, X, 1)   'of the Beast, convert each letter
        VALUE = ASC(LETTER$)           'to its ASCII equivalent, and
        NUMBER = NUMBER + VALUE        'totals them
NEXT

NUMBER = NUMBER + 3                    'He is Bill Gates III, after all

PRINT NUMBER

[Little_Plastic_Ninja]

*Originally posted by Darth Nader *
**Is there somewhere I can trade in all this porn for bibles? **

When I was going to college, the Knights of BUH were doing a porn-Bibles trade, I believe.

Only I can’t remember which way it was going…bibles for porn, or porn for bibles…

[iampunha]

The Knights of BUH?

“We are the knights who say BUH! BUH! BUH!”

“But sir, I just-”

“Not BUT, you infidel! BUH! BUUUUUUH!”

“…would you like … a shrubbery?”

“We said BUH, not BUSH!”