I’ve rethought this. I like any statuettes of fairies, whether they’re tacky or well-done, as long as they’re pastel. So if someone gave me a similarly-sized Gibson statue, I’d display it amongst them as long as it was pastel.
I love my two cats but am not fond of tacky cat themed gifts. A couple of my sisters give me cat earrings, cat pins, cat sweatshirts, anything with a cat theme. I accept them graciously and then get rid of them quietly.
The other weird gift I got was a bag of brightly painted pieces of wood, maybe 1/4 inch square and about 4 inches long such as you might see at a preschool. I was in my thirties. I can only suppose my friend realized my birthday was coming up and raided her child’s toy chest.
My late husband was an amputee. He always wore Timberland hiking shoes and left one on his prosthesis all the time. Changing the shoe on a prosthesis is a PITA. So one year for Christmas his clueless cousin gave us both big fuzzy fake fur slippers. His were supposed to be bear feet or something. They were huge- as big as clown shoes. They were floppy and would have been hard for anyone to walk in safely, let alone a one legged guy. And it’s not like he was ever going to bother putting it on his prosthesis. She always gave the most useless presents. I know it’s the thought that counts,but no thought went into them at all. Even after she stopped drinking, the presents were still lame.
When my sister and I were teenagers, my grandmother gave us a pair of three-foot-high matching Chinese urns. We joked that they were our burial urns.
Cripes. That looks like it came from the set of Alice in Wonderland as imagined by H. R. Giger.
A large (16 inch) statue of the Virgin Mother with bleeding heart and the whole nine yards. Full color and not very well executed; think carnival prize kwupie doll plaster prize style. I was raised Orthodox and I’m now Lutheran - that graven of an image just creeped me out to my very core.
To be fair, once can use a breadmaker to make gluten-free “bread.” cwPartner has celiac disease too, and we tried using a breadmaker to make our own loaves, since the store-bought GF “bread” is expensive and not tasty. It didn’t work out, mainly because we’re too frikkin’ lazy.
I’ve received too many to mention or describe. But I’ve given a few to my daughter, when she came home for the summer after school let out. I’d have her room all clean and ready and a nice little ‘welcome home’ present on her nightstand. Something from that Treasure Trove of Tacky known as Real Deals, which sells the oddest things. One year it was a plastic bag of mayonnaise from Japan. Another time it was one of those compressed washcloths you soak in water so it will ‘bloom’ - purple with lime green squiggles. The favorite was a resin figurine of a mom monkey with baby, and the mom’s boobs were painted bright pink! We called it “the hairy titty monkey mommy statue”. Oh, there was more - much more. A perfect place for passive-aggressive hostile mothers-in-law to do their gift shopping.
The clap. She did it on purpose.:mad:
A Green Bay Packers Sweater Vest.
I mean, come on. Everyone in my family knows I just don’t care about sports in general.
They also know I’m a bit particular on clothing.
So - c’mon, a sweater vest? A hatefully tasteless piece of clothing adorned with an NFL logo? Given that I simply couldn’t care less about football in general?
Cookies made with cake flour are light and lovely and dee-licious. Just in case it ever comes up again.
But yeah, that’s a lot of cake flour.
(Parenthetically, my son figured out the “babies = chick magnets” thing this very evening. The subject of Halloween came up, and Eldest decided that, at 13, he will be too old for trick-or-treating this year, so he’ll just escort his sister around the neighborhood. I jokingly mentioned that he was forgetting about Little Miss, who will be about 7 months old come Halloween, and the penny dropped: Eldest said “You know, I could, um, introduce the baby around the neighborhood. Girls… um… people will think she’s soooo cute!” 
)
My former MIL gave horrible gifts, too - clothes 6 sizes too big, usually in pastels, with floral prints and ruffles. (At 5’9", my pants size varies from 6-10, depending on cut, manufacturer, and whether I’ve gained or lost those 5 stupid pounds that won’t stay gone. The one time I mentioned that an outfit was a little large, and told her my actual size, MIL From Hell said “Oh, but you look so much bigger than that!” :mad: And I tend to favor classic, tailored clothes in rich colors - no frills, no pastels, no flowered prints.) Other gifts included an annual “collectible” Precious Moments figurine (WTF!?), ingredients for her Baby Boy’s favorite foods (along with Mummy’s recipe,) and cheap-ass lotion/bubble bath sets.
My current mother-in-law is an absolute dear, but a horrible gift-giver in the totally opposite direction: She is so worried that she’ll get the wrong thing that she dithers and questions and makes a huuuuuge production out of choosing a gift. (For example, when we were expecting, I set up a small gift registry just to give people a convenient way of choosing a gift. MIL asked what we wanted for the baby, and I pointed her to the gift registry - on line, so that she could see the specifications for each thing. “But what do you want?” “Any of these things would be very nice, unless you have an idea for something you really want to give.” “But what do you want?” etc. Finally, my husband told her to just get the crib, since I was uncomfortable asking or assuming how much she intended to spend. After the third phone call asking me to specify which crib, since “the one on the register” wasn’t specific enough, I made my husband start fielding all calls from MIL until that purchase was made. I was not very patient by my third trimester!) I wish there were a tactful way to say “How 'bout cash?” when asked for gift ideas!
And then there are the Dotty Old Aunt gifts: “vintage” handbags, preloaded with tissues and hard candy; half a multi-pack of underwear (thankfully, not vintage); random figurines from the dollar store; and - just a couple of years ago - a nifty new Snakes & Ladders board game (I was 37 at the time.) But these gifts are just endearingly weird, because my Dotty Old Aunts are endearingly weird. And I like vintage purses.
My Dotty Old Uncle’s gifts are weird, if not always endearing. When he found out that my 9-year-old daughter was very fond of a certain type of cereal, he gave her a half-dozen boxes for Christmas, and another half-dozed boxes for her birthday. Uncle J. and my son have an ongoing battle to see who can handle the spiciest foods, so he gets Eldest a lot of bottles of hot sauce and such. And every year, he gets my kids gift cards from WalMart. He searches and searches to find the coolest ones, with graphics that he thinks the kids will like, and presents them each Christmas. He has never bothered actually loading any money onto the gift cards. He usually gives me random expired food products. Uncle J. is certifiable.
I remember when they were popular in the early 80s - they always seemed to be part of a centerpiece with fake pine garlands, or fake holly and berry garlands. With some sort of gaudy plaster large italianate candle holders.
I went to a wedding where they were the centerpieces, with white fake pine garlands and godaweful ugly italianate baroque putti candleholders. Oh sweet jesus, they actually had them online … :eek:
Yes…the early 80’s, they were popular…alas, I got married in 2001. So…yeah.
On a different thread one lady got from her MIL an Ironing Board Cover.
I no longer participate in these threads.
I cannot recall a terrible gift at the moment, but I’m sitting here snickering as I remember a phone call I received from a friend who had just opened a gift from her long term boyfriend. It was a pair of mens sweatpants, many sizes too large for her.
‘Exactly how big does he think my ass is?’
When I was 16, our family decided to have a combination family reunion/Christmas celebration. I wasn’t sure that I wanted to go, but was talked into it at the last minute. Nobody there knew I was going to be there until I showed up. It was kind of late, and most of the stores had closed, as it was Christmas eve.
So Christmas morning arrives, and we are all opening our presents. I got aftershave–9 bottles of it (the only stores open the night before must have been drugstores). A little difficult to keep thanking folks for the gift that I’d just gotten from someone else. I ended up with more alcohol than a liquor store!
Used most of it in various combustion experiments, so I guess it wasn’t too bad. Good Times.
The kicker was when our next door neighbor also gave me a bottle of aftershave–a brand they had stopped making years before he gave it to me. I suppose that aftershave is an easy gift to give to a 16 year old, but I wish they had realized they could have combined their money and got me a lifetime subscription to Playboy. Now that’s a gift for a 16 year old boy!!!
An electric nose-hair trimmer. 
(From my brother in-law’s family. I don’t think they hated me. I got some pretty cool gifts from them on other occasions. 
)
There are two different vendors at Pike Place Market in Seattle that do pepper+fruit jams or jellies. One is Woodring Northwest, and the other is Mick’s Peppourri. Both have fab products, although I haven’t seen them do the varieties you mentioned above.
My ex and I received a VHS copy of Chitty Chitty Bang Bang for a wedding gift, at a shower hosted by my parents’ church ladies. 
My Mom and I nearly peed ourselves, and then I had to explain why it was so funny.
See, I had gone with my friend Cassie to Target to do their gift registry thingo. They give you a little hand-held scanner, and you zap the bar codes of things you want on your registry. At one point, I went to the bathroom and left the scanner with Cassie. She scanned the video as a joke, and I didn’t know about it until we got the printout at the end of the scan-o-rama. The store was closing, so we had to leave without deleting it, but I had gone back to the store a few days later and I thought I’d deleted it, but apparently the system glitched and it didn’t get removed.
So when the adorable elderly couple of Hans and Ruth went to Target, they saw the movie on the list. But smart Ruth questioned it. “Oh, that has to be a mistake!”
“Well, dear, if it’s on the list, they must want it, and it’s within our budget, so let’s get it for them. And maybe a couple of dish towels, too, just in case.”
They were embarrassed at first and said they wouldn’t mind if we returned it, but I said it was totally my fault for not deleting it properly, and I wasn’t going to return it. We watched it, and for a movie that is supposed to be for kids, it’s the weirdest fuckin’ thing EVER. The king and queen spend the entire movie trying to kill each other while singing saccharine-sweet love songs! I still have the dish towels AND the movie.
My Dad chortled with glee for a couple weeks before Christmas one year, because he was certain he’d gotten Mom a gift that was sure to please. It was a fire extinguisher.
That same year, she gave him a lacy red nightgown, in her size, of course. My parents are wonderfully strange.
Are you in Michigan? I believe there has been talk among state reps of a “cottage foods” classification for home made goods that will not require a commercial kitchen and inspections for stuff like jerky jams jellies etc etc. A great idea imo.
yeah I ‘ve had the tacky good faith gifts, orange plaid dearfoam slippers, freaking mens style too, a ceramic catshaped toilet brush holder shipped to us from out of state. Oh all the cat crap just because I have a cat, I don’t like to have cat posters, macrame’s, tshirts dishes, Kliban, Garfield, whoever i dont’ collect it!