"If Frodo had been a moderately persistant asthmatic with hypertension being held in prison by the orcs of the tower of Cirith Ungol while going into withdrawal due to having the One Ring taken from him, what would be the best treatment for him? And how would you differentiate his legitimate complaints from Ring-seeking behavior? "
HI, I’m new here.
I am female, 20, and a model. I just moved to the Isle of Man and wondered if any of the other members here are from there? I need someone to show me around the island. I like left-handed men from Lancashire with black hair who are over 6’ (but under 6’2"), who love kittens (I have many), and share my love of Discworld books.
“Harimad-sol is intelligence and beauty incarnate. I would like nothing more than to sit on a porch with her while we discuss Robin McKinley books and Pringles. Later, if I’m really lucky, maybe she’ll kiss me.”
Anything thread with dragons, mythical creatures, bugbears, warriors, mages and a harem of beautiful princesses. 
Yeah, I’m a total geek, I know.
I’ll add you to my list of Dopers whos gender I assumed incorrectly.
(how you doin!)
Excellently.
Was it wrong of me to giggle hysterically and say aloud, “Lobsang thought I was a boy!” ?
Well, how about it?
At this point I’d settle for a metal thread that goes a little deeper than “Recommend me some music”.
Thiazide diuretics, or calcium channel blockers if that gets no response?
Naaah. I’d go with athelas.
Let’s see, for me the Ultimate Thread OP would go something like this:
“Help me think of cheap and creative ways to throw a great party for my guests, Eddie Izzard, Antonio Banderas, Emma Thompson and William Shakespeare. I want recommendations for folk music, recipes for yummy appetizers and desserts (heavy on the chocolate) and I wanna make party favors out of polymer clay and cat hair.”
Am I farting holes in my underwear? Oh wait, it’s been done. But my jaw definitely dropped when I saw that, it was the best thread ever. I thought I was alone!!!
“Hi, I am new to the SDMB. Can any other slightly new-ish dopers recommend me a permanent user name (or ‘code-name’ if you will)? One thing, though… it can in no way be pretentious… like at all!”
Or alternatively:
“Dopers who know a little bit about a whole hell of a lot of things, but not terribly much about any one thing check in here. (Folks who DON’T remember everything they have ever heard in song, or who HAVEN’T had trouble remembering people’s names as well as juggling until recently when, through sustained effort, you developed those talents and are now quite good at both need not apply.)”
Or perhaps:
“I am 17 and I am sick to death of high school. I already know everything they are 'teaching ’ me (ha!) and the students are all full of shit assholes who can piss off and die for all I care. I have way above average intelligence and everybody thinks I am full of potential :rolleyes:. Will somebody give me some pointers on how to dick around and go nowhere in life for the next… oh… 9 years or so? Early marriage and children are a BIG plus, if you can work that in somehow. Also, I would rather not get involved in substance abuse so that when I finally pull my head out of my ass and realize what has become of my life, I will have nobody and nothing to blame but myself. Thanks!”
Yes, but wouldn’t you just reply with “Frodo, you need to see your doctor” anyway? I know I would. 
cornflakes, you make a good point, but I’m treating this one as a clinical exam test case:
Ensure Frodo’s on a steroid inhaler along with a rescue inhaler, try to avoid the miasmic atmosphere of Mordor & use athelas for general “black breath”. Also consider that the hypertension could be a withdrawal syndrome so try some clonidine for both the blood pressure and the Jonesing, and consider a trip to the Eressea ringbearers rehab facility for an inpatient stay. Assume all behavior is to some extent ringbearing related, but focus on treating the physical symptoms of elevated blood pressure and respiratory compromise.
Oh, a peak flow meter program and daily showers while in captivity too.
giggling is never wrong.
“I’m a single woman between the age of 35 and 48 who just moved to Whistlepig’s town. i have a dog that weighs between 25 and 75 pounds, I like to hike and drink beer. And, i know how to fix the sticky left shift key on laptops that prevents someone from using capitalization without having to type it twice. can anyone show me around?”
the only other fantasy thread would be someone saying, “I’m coming on vacation to Montana AND i have planned route. Can you suggest where to stay, eat, fish, hike?”
Whistlepig
I am evidently right all the time.
“I was thinking about ‘Buffy the Vampire Slayer’, the books of Roy Blount Jr., and the comic book series Hellboy the other day, and how they all relate to videogames and same-sex marriage. What are your thoughts on the topic? Please be long-winded and include as many personal anecdotes about your own experiences coming out of the closet as possible.”
“Videogame gender-benders”
What can I say, I’m both easy to please and highly specialised. Maybe throw in something about Dream Theater too, just so I can say that although I don’t care about the KM vs. JR debate, I think that the group’s earlier material was on the whole better.
Even though I just said it.
IMHO: How should I tell casey1505 that I will pay his mortgage for the next five years without making him feel obligated to put out four times a week and twice a day on weekends?
Threads about which I would immediately think “hell, yeah, I will both enjoy this and be a leading contributor due to my specialized knowlege”:
“Let’s discuss each other’s homemade Magic: The Gathering cards”
“What are your best strategies for winning at Hearts”
“How would you suggest setting up the basic object engine for a C or C++ video/computer game?”
Threads which I’d think “damn, I’m going to enjoy reading this”:
"What would be your ‘Letter to Penthouse’ "?
“The A Song of Ice and Fire/Wheel of Time/Iron Giant/Wayne’s World/My So Called Life/Well of Souls discussion and appreciation thread”
“Your best stone skipping stories”
“In which Liberal admits that everyone is right about him”
“You have 10 years and $10,000,000,000 to outfit a large boat with equipment and crew which will then be sent back in time 2000 years to take over the world. What do you do?”
And of course:
“The thread in which everyone says nice and specific things about MaxTheVool, demonstrating that he is a valuable member of this community, that he’s good enough, that he’s smart enough, and that, goshdarnit, people like him”