I can only tell you how it’s been for me, which is that it’s working out pretty damn well, thank you.
It’s not that I lack standards, but honestly I’ve never denied myself what I wanted. No regrets.
My sex drive is extremely high. It’s actually part of the reason that my last relationship didn’t work out. His was much too low, and no happy medium could be reached, so I spent much of the time sexually frustrated.
At this point, I’m not even sure if I could tell you exactly how many partners I’ve had.
Good for you, and good for the guys who have the fortune to meet you. But you must admit, your behavior is unusual – by the standards of the American female population in general, and, judging from other posts in this thread, apparently even by the standards of the female Doper community.
A little bitter? I guess I am. I mean, to be honest, I certainly looked at other girls at the time, and I definitely thought about them, though I never acted on it–guilty mind if not guilty body. Anyway, I really don’t see a lack of female sex drive anywhere. There are individual variations, but most women I’ve been close enough to to know such things, have had engines roaring as loudly as mine. IME women don’t have a low sex drive in general, but play it down because society still expects them to not “want it”. I think that’s a terrible thing, and I don’t like that I can’t expect my partners to tell me the truth about their sexuality. My guess as to the reasoning behind all this is that a lot of young men have a double-standard mentality where it’s OK for them to go around sticking it in whatever they please, but that a woman is a “dirty slut” if she’s enjoyed private pleasures with a handful (no pun intended) of different men. I personally think that’s ridiculous, and don’t subscribe to the notion of “sluttiness”; I don’t believe that the word “slut” applies to anyone. I’m pretty much alone among all of my male friends, though. Some say that they agree with me, and then once I get to know them well enough the truth comes out and they’re calling everyone sluts and whores.
I hope this is changing, but I don’t see it. A lot of men still have a toddler-like “me first” mentality which levels judgements on partners who enjoy themselves as much as they do.
But-here is a question that hasn’t been asked yet. WHY should a woman’s drive be as strong as a man’s?
Actually-that is incorrectly phrased, since I believe that men and women vary individually in their sex drives enormously.
I mean to say, what if a man’s drive was like the common perception of a “typical” woman’s? What would happen to the world then?
Not much.
I don’t buy this whole women are not into sex argument. I also don’t buy into the blue balls tone I’m picking up on. I hafta go with Siege --it’s not that women aren’t into sex, it’s that they don’t want to have it with you, right now (or right when you want it).
Someone upthread mentioned a GF who got mad that she could be aroused when she wasn’t in the mood. Well, no kidding. There’s a missing bit to that info, though. This is speculation, but perhaps she was mad because she had other needs or priorities that she wanted to explore or discuss.
This isn’t rocket science. To risk a huge generalization, alot of men have sex to take their minds off their problems or worries–it makes them feel better. Alot of women don’t process problems that way frequently or even at all.
So perhaps it’s not that she doesn’t want to dance in the sheets with you-perhaps there is more there than just sex.
What I really don’t like (just an opinion) is this whole resentful attitude that because she won’t put out, I can’t be satisfied nonsense*. That’s a good way to kill a relationship.
*sorry, but I have heard this argument one way or another my whole adult life–and it is neither true (because there are other avenues of satisfaction), nor is it helpful in engendering what the complaintant is expressing…IOW, this attitude won’t get you laid.
Sorry-I didn’t address the OP’s premise.
I think my answer is the same: not much. EXCEPT that I think it would force changes in our approach to sex ed, as well as treatment of STD’s and unwanted pregnancies.
I am interpreting the OP to mean that “matching” sex drives would be socially accepted/recognized and a part of expected behavior for both genders. Without that recognition, I think we would be where we are today–where a guy is given kudos for having many “conquests”, but a woman is condemned.
That’s very important, but it won’t help a guy get laid. Or rather, it will – that is, if a guy gets a woman into bed once, being a considerate lover will bring her back for more; but she doesn’t go to bed with him in the first place because she knows that about him. She chooses him for other reasons. (Doesn’t she?)
Some people are probably going to accuse me of talking with my penis here, but I really admire your ability to be…well, for lack of a better word, open about your sexuality. You’ve plainly discussed it in a couple of threads, and I think it’s great that you’re not afraid to be proud that you have a lot of fun in your sex life. It’s a refreshing change from a lot of women who feel ashamed of their sexuality and can’t possibly be convinced that they’re not going to hell for things they’ve enjoyed in the past.
It took some effort to gain that ability. First I had to get used to people either calling me a slut or thinking I was one. Then once I decided there was nothing wrong with being a slut, it was all good.
Yeah, I’m not afraid of being honest and open about my sex life, how many partners I have, and what kinds of kinky activities I’m into. I don’t know that I’d call it pride, but I don’t see the big deal about being direct with regards to sex. Men have been doing it forever.
Fringe benefit of screwing an atheist… we don’t believe there’s a hell for us to go to.
Which is odd, considering how open minded and progressive thinking the people here are about so many different topics.
Errmmm . . . Just backwards . . . I meant that (so far as I can tell from posts) most Doper women are not very likely to be ashamed of their sexuality, fear Hell as punishment for pleasure, etc., as fetus was describing.
FTR, I enjoy an active sex life and I’m not in the least ashamed of it. Witchcraft celebrates sexuality as positive and sacred, with no shame. However, the details of my sex life are no one else’s beeswax. I may love to fuck as much as anyone, but I have a sense of propriety about what belongs on message boards and what doesn’t. It’s a private area of my life. Just speaking for myself, I do not judge anyone else. If everyone chose to keep the details of their sex lives private here, the place would be a lot less spicy, but I would be OK with that and respect other peoples’ preferences. I’m not a prude and I’m not offended by anyone’s sexual discussions, I think it’s healthy to have knowledge and awareness of the issues out in the open.
That was me. Your handwaving assertion that “there was probably something else bothering her” and your broad-brushing of the entire male sex doesn’t much address my point: rebutting the assertion that if you want more sex, you should learn to be good at it. GF, who knew the rather sad history of my pitiful attempts to get laid, more than once said “<Citywherewelive> women don’t know what they’re missing!”, or “How can I ever not want to do it?”. And then went right on to keeping it down to twice a week, three weeks out of four, or less.
Your hypothesis that she had something else on her plate and became infuriated because my ability to turn her on despite herself short-circuited her dealing with it is too vague for me to debate effectively. Sex wasn’t a way for me to escape worries; it was a simple and uncomplicated pleasurable activity. I think there’s as much support for the point of view that “To risk a huge generalization, a lot of women restrict sex as a means of exerting control”.
I’m sorry you dislike the view that “because she won’t put out, I can’t be satisfied” and brand it nonsense. We adopt monogamy as a societal model. The idea is that, rather than running around dipping his wick in the lamps of foolish virgins, he keeps it in his pants for all women except one, and the flip side of the coin is that she undertakes to see that he won’t do badly out of the deal. It’s something less than honest to then turn around, once the bargain’s been struck, and say “Actually I don’t want to keep my side of it. If you don’t like it, tough. Complaining will only make you look pathetic.”
“Other avenues of satisfaction?” Eh, gotta love that “For the forty-third time of saying so, it’s not my fault you’re not getting any, just because I’m the one who’s saying no! Can’t you just go and whack off?” attitude. Hon, if I’d been cool with a sex life consisting of nothing but masturbation, I’d’ve stayed single. And I don’t know about you, but I don’t find it as satisfying.
But . . . ummm . . . Johanna, if that’s how you feel, then why . . . oh . . .