Do you think it would be better or worse if it were as socially conventional to ask for sex as it is to ask to have dinner with someone?
For example:
or a bit less informally:
Wouldn’t that be nice? I always tried to conduct my relationships like that, once I was out of high school. It made dating a lot more relaxed, and the very few negative reactions I received were far outweighed by the positive. Maybe it was the men I dated, maybe it was going through puberty in the '70’s, but none of them seemed to mind getting the issue out of the way early, so we could enjoy the dinner, movie, hiking, sailing, whatever. I can’t stand men who play tease games, so why should I do it?
matt, I think what you have described is the basic plot of every porn movie in existance!
That being said, I think things would be this way if men truely ran the world. I have observed that it is the female who puts the big price tag (emotions, committment, etc.) on sex, not men. It’s odd that women do this while to most men sex isn’t that big of deal(unless, of course, we’re not getting any. Than it’s a very big deal;))
Sorta reminds me of * Brave New World. * And no, i don’t mean the whole eugenics freaky manipulation of society thing…just the fact that the guy who wasn’t all that interested in sex, except for maybe in the context of a meaningfull relationship, was the freak. That said, I’m all for it 
Oh, Myrr, I’m not trying to make anyone into a freak. I know there are lots of people who prefer (for some reason :)) to have sex only within a relationship. Of course, they ought to say no, thank you.
No, they should just pop some soma and say, “damn straight. How about tonight?”. 
That would be just great!
An asexual world where nobody ever gets laid!
Excuse me, I’m going to loook for some sharp objects now…
Yer pal,
Satan
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Well, honestly, how can you tell you want to have sex with someone you just met? Sure, a person could be physically attractive to you, but do you really want to sleep with every nice looking person you see?
What a minute, I’m talking to males here. Males view sex so much differently than females. I read somewhere (no cites, just something I agree with but don’t want to take credit for saying) that men think sex is the route towards intimacy and women think sex is the culmination of intimacy.
You see–it’s talk like that that makes us men want gratuitous, meaningless sex. Personally, I don’t, but I feel like I have a reputation to live up to…
…besides, it’s still fun to talk about
It is my belief that, during the 1970s, it was more socially acceptible to ask for sex.
The result? Social backlash, partially (but not completely!) fuelled by the AIDS scare.
If that happened, wouldn’t be here posting right now, I’d be in bed with a few girls.
Hmm, maybe I misread it, but I thought this was just about being up front, not sex-on-demand. Back in my dating days, I generaly did not date someone I had never met before, and usually did not date them unless I was physically attracted enough for sex to at least be a tantalizing possibility. I’ve even changed my mind during the course of a first date. I was thinking more along the lines of:
He: So, is bed out of the question tonight?
She: (choose one) Not at all. Want to call out for pizza? OR Probably not tonight. Let’s give it a couple dates. OR I will never be that drunk.
I’ve been on both sides of similar conversations and rarely taken or given offense. My first date with my husband was a “not tonight, but maybe another time” and he called the next day anyway.
god, i must be so lucky to have never been slapped!
than again, how many men slap a cute chick asking for sex?
Personally, I fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum between casual sex-for-fun and deeply emotional intimacy. I have this thing where I keep falling madly in lust with female friends; once the closeness is there, I can’t help wanting to extend it to the physical.
Although the generalizations being made about men might be true I don’ think I have ever fallen into that category.
Lola kids me often that I think more like a woman than she does. She thinks like a guy. Wierd relationship we have huh?
I can look at an attractive woman without fantasizing about getting her in the sack. I was this way when I was single and I am this way now. I have never been into casual sex and have turned down some damn good offers in my time. I figure that a woman who would hop into bed with me after one date wasn’t one I would want to be with. Sure the sex would probably be OK and maybe even fantastic but then you would be sending her home or figuring out how to get this stranger out of your house the next morning.
Sex is important in a relationship but it isn’t #1 on my list, it’s not even #2 or #3.
I’m the guy who dated a girl through high school and into my early twenties and left her as virginal as she was when I met her. I discovered that there are other ways to derive pleasure with another human being that don’t require sex. I am not saying that the desire to do so wasn’t there (I am a normal guy after all) but I respected this young ladies values and my own a great deal. I have no regrets here.
So if it ever became socially acceptable to walk up to an attractive woman and request intimate relations I would still be me, if there is going to be sex I don’t mind waiting a little to find out what it will be like. I think most women I have “known” haven’t minded the wait either.
Getting back to the original question for a sec, I think it would be great if folks were’nt so uptight about sex. It seems like a lot of people (men & women alike) are so insecure and wound up about being rejected that they try to “trick” the object of their desire into sex - either by pressuring them into a situation where it’s the only option, or by getting them drunk, stoned, etc.
For the record, that is a really BAD idea. And it never works. At worst, your date prosecutes you for rape. At best, they think you are a creep and don’t ever want to see you again, much less sleep with you. Blech!
Besides, being up front and friendly is so much more fun!
Of course, I live in San Francisco, where (by and large) it actually is socially acceptable to ask for sex. The sixties kinda never ended around here.
Just remember- asking and begging are not the same thing.
Would it be nice? Sure. I’d much rather people were completely up front about their desires, including, but not limited to sex.
. . . . .
But we are conflicted creatures and are often reduced to using subterfuge because an outright rejection can carry with it personal rejection, moral judgement, and ego-crushing trauma. How many men wait until halfway through dinner (or the year 2003 for that matter) to bring up sex because they’re tired of being thought of as sex-obsessed perverts. How many women deny that they want marriage because they’re afraid of being considered man-hungry golddiggers? Or, if those generalizations are too shallow for you, turn them around and ask them the other way.
Sex is risky and fraught with physical and emotional peril. Condoms break, pills get “forgotten”, tests don’t show HIV antibodies for up to six months. Lovers can be inconsiderate, neuroses flare up, insecurities rear their ugly heads. Sometimes it’s just safer to wait a while.
An upfront request for sex, no matter how politely it’s framed, can also be the same as asking:
. . . .
So, would it be better if we could ask for sex as casually asking for dinner? It’s a null question for me, because there’s no getting around the ramifications of sex in and of itself. Sex is not as casual as dinner (unless your dinners carry the chance of emotional ruin, death by sexually transmitted diseases, and spontaneous procreation, that is). Therefore, asking for sex will never be as casual as asking for dinner. Sorry if that was a downer, Matt.
Well, something can be frank without being casual. I just spent the whole morning being quite frank with my mother about my relationship with my father, something I don’t undertake casually.
I was going to reply to your statement that sex will never be as casual as dinner by saying that in some circles it already is, but I’ve been given to understand that I talk about my sex life too much already (see http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=32561).
Sorry, matt_mcl, but I’m actually going to vote against the idea.
I sincerely hope that the world never gets so sterile that the romance, anticipation, and surprise never gets removed from dating.
Sure, it’s a refreshing and exhilarating change when someone looks you in the eye and boldly tells you how the night is going to end up. But for the most part, I’ll take the subtle smiles, the kidding, the “salesmanship” if you will that is a seduction.
Several years ago, an acquaitance used to hang out at one of the local single’s bars. To every good looking woman he saw he’d say, “Hi. I’m <xxx>, star quarterback at <xxx>. Wanna Fuck?”.
Now he WAS the star quarterback. And yes, he got slapped a lot. But there was never a night where he didn’t take some cutie home with him.
But it’s not my style. I enjoy “the game” every bit as much as the outcome.