Invent a time machine?
Do the hokey-pokey?
Go mano a mano with the old man?
Become Mary Magdalene’s pimp?
Amidar: SPLITTER!!!
Overturn a money changer’s table?
Never come again?
Post at the SDMB and quiet down GD for a while?
Turn water into wine, manna into Klondike Bar.
Never have sex again?
awesome title!
ummm. . . . . walk like a duck?
Smite Billy Graham?
Play the Bee Gees at the Pearly Gates?
Admit to have smoked - but never inhaled?
sing “I’m a Little Teapot”?
pants the Holy Ghost?
claim he had joined the People’s Front of Judea, when he had actually joined the Judean People’s Front, the splitter!
(good grief, it’s a running gag)
admit that Rufus really was an apostle, even though he’s black?
stop spreading nasty rumors about Mary Magdaline?
…smack the bejeezus out of Peter for being a wuss that night?
…stop speaking in metaphor and parable?
…sell the Jews back into slavery in Egypt?
…turn the whole “crucifixion, death and resurrection” thing into a show and do it six times a week in Vegas?
…get a decent job and quit haning around with all of his “loser” friends?
…author a “Cliffs Notes” version of the New Testament?
…turn water into “Red Bull” energy drink?
<good grief…I’m gonna go to hell for this… I just know it>
Convert to Islam?
Team up with The Rock in a tag team match against Triple H and Satan
[slight hijack]
A guy I used to work for took a filmmaking class in college. He had conceived a commercial for Pepsi, where just before the Crucifiction Jesus is dragging his heavy wooden cross through the streets of Galilee (sp?). He’s sweating, tired, crowds of people all around and no one giving him a hand, while the Roman soldiers are behind him smirking.
Suddenly, one of the guys in the crowd steps forward, holding a bottle of Pepsi. Jesus takes it, takes a long swig, hands it back to the guy and says, "Thanks…I’ll remember you."
Unfortunately, the teacher, though he liked it, wouldn’t allow Mark to make it. Pity.
[/slight hijack]
Denounce Himself?
I scream, you scream, we all denouce Jesus for Ice Cream!
Walk a mile.
Admit that Britney Spears is the Whore of Babylon (and Elvis died on the toilet for her sins).
Be my friend. Take me to the zoo. Buy me a hotdog. Teach me how to ride a bicycle. Walk on the beach with me. Watch the sunset with me. Watch the fireworks that go off every friday with me. Read me a bedtime story. Kiss me goodnight. And he shall never go want for klondike bars again.
Then Jesus was led by the Spirit into the desert to be tempted by the devil. After fasting forty days and forty nights, he was hungry. The tempter came to him and said, “If you are the Son of God, what would you do for a Klondike bar?” Jesus answered, "It is written: ‘Man does not live on chocolately coated ice cream alone, but on every word that comes from the mouth of God. Still, I’d eat a honey coated locust.’ " - Matthew 4:1-4 New Commercial Version