One of my wife’s friends gave her a Mr. Wonderful doll. He’s a fairly attractive little fellow (I suppose; I’m not one to judge male good looks), with a rose in one hand. When you squeeze him just right, he says things like the following:
“This rose is for you.”
“Take all the time you want getting ready. I don’t mind waiting one bit.”
“We seem to be lost. I’ll pull over and ask for directions.”
My wife thinks he’s great, although she stops short of telling me that I could take a few lessons from him. But that didn’t stop me from wondering what sort of things a Ms. Wonderful doll would say. So far, I’ve come up with the following:
“I’ve put the game on for you, but here’s the TV remote in case you want to change it.”
“It’s too nice a day for yardwork. Why don’t you go golfing with your friends?”
“When I was at the swimwear store, I couldn’t decide between two bikinis. So I got both.”
But I could use some help. Dopers, what else might a Ms. Wonderful doll say?
“This time I’m just gonna take your word for it that the couch won’t fit over there, and not make you move it three times before we end up putting it right back where it is now.”
“Why don’t I box up all this stuff we never actually use and we’ll store it in the attic instead of all over every available surface in the den.”
“I told my mother we already had plans this weekend, so we can’t go over and put up her shelves/paint her house/give the dog a bath/help her sort through ninety boxes of thirty year old photos of relatives I’ve never met.”
“Mmrrgggllpphhrrlll. Ggrrmmmlllfffmmm.”
[sub]Yeah, the last one’s just a gag. Joke, I mean, a joke.[/sub]
Well, that’s it people. What the heck are we doing here posting? Let’s go out & Cure Some D-mn Headaches…! If we all try our best, maybe we can ‘Stamp Out Headaches In Our Lifetime’.
Yeah, but if we stamp out headaches, then the Ms Wonderfuls of the boards won’t be able to say “I have a headache. Lets have wild passionate sex”, now would we?
“I just cancelled Sunday dinner here with Mom.”
“Can I change the oil next time the car needs it?”
“I took out the garbage cans this morning so that you could sleep late.”
“It’s baseball season: there’s no reason for you to go to church with me.”
“It’s so cute the way you purr when you’re asleep.”
“It’s so rude of me to leave the wrapping paper on the pool table all year.”
Actually, much of the time Ms. Wonderful could just be silent.
True, but then how will Sexual Exhaustion beat out cancer & heart disease as the number one killer in America…? Hey, if you’ve gotta go eventually anyway, you may as well go in Style…
