This is wrong; you don’t get to decide what is offensive to everyone; you don’t get to decide what someone else feels.
There are only two correct responses when some one takes offense:
A) I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you, and
B) Yeah, and what are you going to do about it?
If B) does not apply, A) does.
C) “You are wrong to be offended” is not an acceptable response.
This happen a lot when you try to communicate on line , people taking things the wrong way . If this you really like the person and want to keep in touch call them on the phone and you both will be able to clear up any misunderstanding right on the spot so no one will end up with hurt feelings.
I would assume the person is way too sensitive and could have poor self esteem .
Word. If it were funny, people would think “Hey, that’s funny.” As it is, there is nobody on this thread that doesn’t think “That isn’t funny.”
Well, from what you posted I’d say you aren’t funny and he didn’t seem offended or rude. Why, exactly, does anyone owe you a pity chuckle when you make bad jokes? People aren’t obligated to pretend you’re funny when you make jokes at their expense, especially if they’re not even good jokes.
To answer the thread title question, it depends. If it happens a lot I’d assume I must be an asshole or at least frequently sound like one. If it’s just one person I’d assume we have some kind of personality clash and maybe we aren’t suited to being friends, and they probably don’t even like me.
From your previous threads, I believe you mentioned once that you believe you have Asperger’s Syndrome, or whatever they’re calling it in this week’s DSM.
I think, first of all, you’re over-thinking this. You’re trying too hard to get into the other guy’s mind and trying to dope out exactly what he’s thinking, and you’re trying to evaluate his response to much higher detail than is actually there.
You may also have a tendency to make comments, especially jokes, without thinking twice first (to be sure, by the time you think twice, oftentimes the moment has passed), and you don’t have a well-tuned filter to estimate how well a remark will be received by other people.
Consider that your facebook friend might hear that same comment, or other similar comment about his accent, several times every day all his life. He may be sick and tired of hearing that. I think his response was not nearly as rude and offended as it could have been. So you might not really know where he’s coming from.
Similarly, we don’t know how well you know this guy. The kind of joke you made tends to be better received ( maybe ) by someone you know rather well. Or at least, once you know someone rather well, you should be better able to judge if such a remark would be well received. With a total stranger or near-total stranger, you don’t really know how well a personal jibe like this will go over – but, there’s a generally tendency that personal jibes in general don’t usually go well with someone you don’t know very well.
Do you have any prior evidence about how this particular kid would take such a joke? Does he ever joke about his “redneck” lifestyle or manner of speech himself?
Don’t use “conversate”. The correct word is “converse”, as in “I like to converse with him” or even better, “I like to have conversations with him”. Or just substitute the word “talk” or “speak”.
The joke isn’t funny, son. Hell if I can even see a joke in your reply.
If someone is taking everything one says wrong, there’s two possibilities: either he has some comprehension issues, or you have some communication issues. Chances are, it’s a combination of both. One thing you have to keep in mind when communicating is that, generally, you know exactly what you’re trying to communicate, so any ambiguities or inconsistencies are going to be less apparent to you. Even the most effective communicators have issues in this regard. Hell, look at politicians who have several people on their staff dedicated to writing and reviewing speeches, and stuff still gets misconstrued.
The thing is, you cannot change how other people perceive and interpret things you say, but you CAN change how you present yourself. If you think you’re being misunderstood, particularly if you think it was taken badly, don’t get angry, but rather take a moment and consider how it may have been taken. Particularly if it was taken badly, apologize, tell them you didn’t mean to offend them, and make an effort to correct it. If that person takes you at your word, they’ll give you another shot.
That said, sometimes you say stuff without intending to offend someone, but you offend them nonetheless. But, you know what, people who are racist or sexist or whatever probably don’t realize that there’s no gentle way to tell someone that you think they’re worthless. Sometimes it really is your message that is offensive and there’s no way to reword it. Quite frankly, based on the summary in your OP, that’s pretty damn insulting to generalize a self-professed redneck like that. In that case, realize that you messed up, own it, apologize, and try not to do it again.
In short, this one is on you.
Commenting on several of the OP’s threads in general. …
Smartass-ism is a very popular habit amongst male teens and young 20-somethings. I certainly was one. Nobody much over age 25 thinks that stuff’s funny though. If you’re doing the smartass thing to somebody 28 or 30 or 35 they’re not amused; they might even be pissed enough to flatten your face.
Online it’s real hard to know your audience well. You might blithely assume the guy is 22 like you are when in fact he’s 42.
You might even be talking to an actual pig. That would explain a lot.
Ha! You beat me to it! Because I would assume I was talking to my EX-husband!
People say this all the time, yet those same people have no problem figuring out what a writer means when expressing a presumably nuanced thought with mere words in a work of fiction or a newspaper story. I wonder why that is.
Professional writers with editors versus Joe Plumber with a computer wired to the internet?
Well I can sympathize with the OP’s point, even if the example given was strange.
My SO often takes things literally that to me and others are self-evidently ironic or humorous. Even if I smile or laugh as I say it (deadpan sacrilege), I still often have to follow up with “…I’m kidding”.
No biggie though, as I’m sure I have more annoying personality quirks, and she’s actually very smart, just has a curious humor blindspot.