Here’s the background: A co-worker is leaving the company, today is his last day. He’s only been here a few months. I never really connected with him, though most of my other co-workers did (they frequently go out to lunch together).
A couple days ago, our Director sent out an invite for a farewell lunch for the guy, today. I declined, as everyone is expected to pay for their own lunch as well as contribute to his.
I’ve really got better things to spend my money on, and told them I wasn’t going because I just bought a boat and need all my free mney for that.
Anyways. I probably should have gone, but whatever.
Would you have gone? I should add that if the company was paying, I would have gone.
And no, before you ask, $30 or $40 ain’t going to break the bank, but I’d really rather spend it on my wife, myself, my boat, or my kids.
If I wasn’t that close to the guy, I wouldn’t have gone either. Though I probably would have come up with another reason to give them, like an “appointment” that you couldn’t reschedule or something.
They were throwing a farewell lunch for a guy who’d only been there for a few months? That already sounds a bit odd. But yeah, I would have gone if I had a good relationship with the guy, and not if I didn’t. This is a straightforward one.
Oh, and I wouldn’t have bothered to give a reason for not going, just a polite “No, thanks.”.
Wow, we occasionally go out as a group to lunch when people leave the company, but those places are in the $10 range rather than $30-$40. Also, it’s voluntary and nobody thinks twice if you don’t go go either because you have work to do, a prior engagement, or just don’t want to spend the money.
In other words, don’t worry about it, because nobody cares (and if somebody does, they’re the one with a problem, not you).
I think it would depend on my financial situation and my relationship with my coworkers. As it is, I don’t go to free cupcake parties because I feel really alienated from my peers. They are way too cliquish.
You shouldn’t have said you needed the money for your boat. Other than that it sounds more like a personal affair for a select group anyway. On the other hand, I couldn’t even begin to explain the disaster of a dinner I attended recently, just think nerds trying to go maverick. I should have used your boat excuse and stayed home.
Exactly this - farewell lunches are for people that have been there for years. If he was a contractor, well that’s just part of the job, don’t let the door hit you on the way out. If he quit, he wasn’t there long enough for anyone to care. If he was fired, the boss would not be organizing it.
That is bizarre. I would not have gone either. I hate forced socialization, unless someone else is paying for it and then it becomes merely tolerable.
I would have declined but not talked about my boat (“OOooh, Mr. Big Stuff, got himself a boat and now he’s too important to hang out with us!”). A simple, “Sorry, I have plans for that day” would have sufficed (they don’t need to know that your plan is to not go for lunch with them).
Can I just add in here that I hate the going away lunches from the other end? I’m here for a couple of months - I just want to eat my lunch by myself and read my book and not go out for an awkward lunch with people I don’t particularly like.
I’d probably have gone. Team player and all that. If everyone else went, or had a good excuse like a doctor’s appointment, and you didn’t - well - not team player. It’s BS but BS is in BuSiness.
The whole gang was outside my cube, and the Director asked me if I was going (I never responded to the meeting invite). I said “No, I’ve got a lot to do.” My boss said something like "What? Have you got a problem with Joe?? (guy leaving) and laughed. The Director said “He doesn’t want to chip in”. That’s when I said “Yeah, I really can’t afford it. I just bought a boat two days ago, I need a shitload of stuff - lobster traps, bow lines, paint, oarlocks, live vests, licenses, registration, etc.”
It’s a lunch, go or don’t go. The people who lunch with him regularly clearly like to have lunch with him, you don’t.
I work for the government which never, ever pays for this kind of thing. One office was always looking for excuses to have lunches, farewell, welcome, birthday, any damned holiday on the calender, because they could take an extra long lunch break. It was like they were working, right? Those guys didn’t like people not participating, because it made them look bad, and heaven help the person who didn’t want a 3 hour birthday lunch.
I would have gone. In a case like a welcome-to-the-team lunch or a farewell-lunch, I really just think of it as another part of my job, like attending a meeting. It’s not about having fun so much as showing appreciation for another person’s contribution to the team. If they were just going out to lunch because it was a nice day out, or it was someone’s birthday, then I’d have no problem declining. But not attending a farewell lunch strikes me as a little disrespectful, unless you have a good reason.
If I wasn’t a friend of his, I’m not going out for some $30-40 lunch, and no peer pressure would make me. Hell, even if I was a friend, I’d be questioning the expense.
I have worked at my current company for 12 years, and have been out to lunch with co-workers fewer than 10 times. I would not have attended this lunch, and I wouldn’t have thought twice about it.
That sucks being put on the spot like that. I usually go to farewell lunches at my company, but they’re usually at $10 lunch places, not $30-40 places, and no one makes a big deal about it if you can go or not. At your company where they seem to be more confrontational and require more money for the lunches, I’d probably prepare an excuse ahead of time to avoid the issue. Or leave slightly early to run errands, so that I’m not around when they come by to ask about the lunch.
I regularly don’t go to farewell/baby shower/wedding shower lunches. If I know the person well enough that I would go to lunch with them anyway, I go. If I dont, I don’t.
No one would DARE comment on it. (Mostly because I am scary.)
I was given a farewell dinner for a temp job I worked for several months. People like to say farewell to people they’re going to miss.
In answer to the OP, depends on my mood. If people I liked were going, I’d probably do it and view it as any other social engagement held by/for someone I only kind of know. If not, I probably would have skipped it, but may have gone if I liked the restaurant choice or if it felt like a good idea at the time.