I’ll be temping for the next two months as an office manager of a lab. Besides me, there are nine chemical engineers working there. When someone has a birthday, everyone goes out for lunch together. Generally, one person puts the bill on a credit card and someone figures out how much each person owes (including his share of the birthday person’s meal.) I usually eat little or no lunch and I enjoy getting off campus for a half hour or so. Anyway, I started this assignment Monday. Today was a birthday lunch and there’s another one next Friday. I’m pretty sure that most everyone else has already had a birthday and the law of averages makes it unlikely that there will be another birthday before my assignment ends. There’s really no point in saying anything and I’m not going to, but I just wondered what you thought of this. Sorry this is rambling so. Ok, not being hungry and not having extra cash to spend on dining out, I chose a greek salad, which was nine bucks, I think. Money dude comes to my office later this afternoon to let me know I owe seventeen dollars? What the hay?! I don’t even treat myself to suppers out these days that cost that much. Some of you may remember that I’ve been painfully struggling financially for quite some time now. I just can’t wrap my head around this. And the fact that I’m going to be out about that much again next week. I can eat for two weeks on seventeen dollars! There’s no graceful way to bow out either. And these are nice people. I like them. One guy did decline, but everyone just kind of rolled their eyes and “whatevered” him. He’s a brilliant, eccentric “fellow” (above a Master’s, I believe,) an older guy and they mess with him a bit anyway, but they like him. Like I said, there’s really no point in whining about it when I’m there for only a short time and it will most likely happen only once more. How would you feel about this? Seventeen dollars! For LUNCH! I wouldn’t have as much of a problem doing this for a good friend, but it would still strap me a bit financially. Opinions?
Option #1. When everyone gets together to make plans for next week’s birthday lunch, say politely, “Sorry, I can’t join you.”
One other thing. My boss and I have discovered that we have hugely similar tastes in a variety of ethnic and exotic foods. He mentioned that we really needed to do some lunches together. GAH! I would be uncomfortable with him paying, even if he really wanted to, but I absolutely would not be able to afford this. It’s embarrassing.
Tell them you are a Jehovahs Witness?
Just tell them you can’t go. If they roll their eyes, who cares? Really, what does it matter what a bunch of strangers think. You’re only there a couple of months. If you were there as a permanent employee then it would be worth going because it could help your career. But in your situation, don’t go. $17 is a lot of money for anyone.
I’m sorry, but I have to ask. What kind of firm employs nine chemical engineers where the office manager isn’t paid enough to afford nineteen dollars for lunch?
I want to make it clear that I’m not criticizing you, I’m just appalled that you might be so underpaid.
It’s seventeen dollars.
The original salad cost $9. With a tip that would be like $11. Perhaps there are taxes involved too. So maybe the cost was closer to $13.
So, she’s squibbling over four bucks that might come up a few times a year.
I’m just a temp making 12.50 an hour.
Excuse my ignorance, but I am just surprised that an office manager for a professional enterprise makes so little these days. Maybe I shouldn’t be. I must be out of touch with the economic realities in the US.
Once again I want to make it clear that I am not criticizing you, only the economic situation that make this an issue for you. I have been out of the US for a long time.
Hey, my birthday is in October! I’ll make them pay. I’ll make them all pay… 
It’s basically a glorified administrative position; however, 12.50 per hour for a temp is pretty typical around here.
These sort of things are one of the main reasons I hated doing temp work. When you are working with people who make you feel like one of the team, you want to be one of the team and that includes giving up hard-earned money and your precious time for strangers.
Unless you think there is a chance that this job will turn permanent, I’d suggest that you avoid the second lunch and don’t be surprised if they forget your birthday lunch.
This. Just make a polite excuse. Tell them you have errands you need to run, or something like that. Anyone with any degree of social awareness will understand.
The other $4 is probably for the birthday person’s lunch.
That said, it’s not about four dollars. It’s about $17, because she wouldn’t have spent any of that if it weren’t for the social obligation. And it is bullshit for a bunch of people making three or four times her wage not to have any thought about what is a reasonable expense for a temp making $12.50.
Just FTR, she makes a couple of bucks an hour more than me, and I have my Masters in Library Science and have managed a library branch for more than half-a-decade.
Lots of jobs aren’t paid well in the US anymore. The powers that be know there’s always some desperate kid coming out of college that doesn’t know any better, and if you complain, well, good luck on your next few performance reviews.
If it were me, and I had the wiggle room in my budget, I’d sigh and bitch about it at home, but I would participate and pay. It’s an attempt to build an office culture, and they seem to be happy with it. Maybe because of this you know you don’t want to work there if you have an option, but in this market, there are a lot worse things than making your officemates happy 9 or 10 times a year. If this is the sticking point that makes you “one of the gang” vs “just that temp” then it’s well worth it to be sociable.
If you CAN’T financially handle it, then I’d pull your actual boss aside, and ask him apologetically if he would mind making your excuses for the group on birthday lunches. Don’t go into detail, but do mention college debt if you have it, and that your weekly budget is really tight. Ask him what he’d do - go and **not eat **and just be company (and still pay your part of the birthday-person’s lunch) or if it would be better for you to bow out completely.
If he’s a good guy, and this office is as generous as they seem to be, then he or someone else might offer to pick up part of your tab so you can join them, or they might prefer not to be reminded that some people aren’t as well-off as they are, and don’t want you to be there being poor at them. Your boss’s answer should let you know pretty clearly which option you want to go with.
IF YOU GO THAT ROUTE, you ought to make pretty damn clear that you don’t expect people to do lunch for your birthday coming up. (They may anyway, but you still have to decline the offer initially, or come off as entitled and a bit selfish.)
BTW, I don’t know why you’re so upset that the tab was $17 - you did mention that it’s tradition to pick up the birthday person’s meal for them. That’s where the extra on your bill is from - everyone is covering their own lunch, an equal portion of the total tip due, AND a share of the birthday person’s lunch+tip amount. I would wager that the birthday people know and appreciate this, so they order nicer or more expensive meals than they would on their own.
And yes, it sucks being broke. I’m sorry this is a concern for you. I hate worrying about money also. 
I’m guessing they collected $17 from everyone. Added up the total, divided it by how many people were there and took up a collection. It’s easier then saying “John had the burger and fries and a beer, Sue had the small salad and two margaritas, Mandy had Pasta Primavera and a Diet Coke, wait, did John have 2 beers, yeah, I think this $8.00 Hofbrau is his, I think that’s what he was drinking when we all got there…”
Just politely decline. One of the hardest mundane things to do is to learn how to say no. But its an important skill to have. The most sucessful and happiest employees I see are those with a good sense of boundaries.
I usually work as a temp too, and I also wish I could easily just bow out of any staff engagements. I’m going to be here for about three months, then I’ll never see any of you again - I don’t want to go for lunch with you. I want to eat my lunch and read my book in peace.
I agree with those saying just politely decline and be somewhere else during lunch. Maybe say something like, “Thanks for the invitation, but I’m just not a lunch person.” If they think you’re weird, who cares? You’ll be gone in two months.
Also, was anyone else thinking of the “Friends” episode where Joey, Rachel, and Phoebe get all upset because Monica, Chandler, and Ross want to split the cheque for an expensive dinner? 
It’s mandatory, and during your lunch hour? How festive!
Say no and let them struggle with it. That’s one way rules get changed.
I’m sorry, I would like to have lunch with you guys, but I can’t go. I can’t afford it. But thank you for inviting me.