What would YOU do to Trump?

Okay, you’ve got Donald Trump in your house. The doors are locked. The shades are drawn. He’s securely gagged, and completely in your power.

What do you do with (to) him?

Call me an arrested adolescent, but I’m thinkin’ swirlie.

A nice, well-used toilet…grab him by the ol’ custom-made shirt collar, and dunk 'im again and again and again and again. Flush. Repeat.

(It must be obvious, but I’ve lived in NYC for about the same length of time he’s been tabloid-headline fodder. It’s get-even time.)

Any other suggestions?


Pardon my ignorance, but what is the significance of Donald Trump other than the he thinks it makes sense to name casinos after mausoleums? I mean, why does everyone seem to hate him? Did they just lose a wad playing slots at Peaceful Gardens Funeral Home?

i’d make him write checks, to me.

I’d make him pay cash to me.

I’d ask him for a loan for my start-up record label.

The guy doesn’t offend me at all. I’m totally ambivalent, actually. In fact, for a really rich guy, he seems surprisingly down to earth (relatively speaking).

Yer pal,

Elicit a promise, under threat of torture too graphic to describe here, ensuring he will never again make a statement concerning a presidential candidacy.

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” - Humphrey Bogart

Boris, pardon me. I was assuming. Both that everyone was familiar with DT, and that my reaction to him was common.

I don’t dislike rich people. Hell, sit in your penthouse all day, don’t work, build hotels in wetlands, screw models, I don’t give a fuck. More power to 'em.

Trump, on the other hand, is continually IN YOUR FACE. On the front page. On the gossip page. He’s rich. He’s SUPER rich. He’s really, really arrogant about it. He makes pronouncements on subjects about which he is unknowledgeable. He uses women like Kleenex, and he always has another one (stamped out of the same model-blonde mold) on his arm. Marla threatened to tell the media what a jerk he is, so he tried to stop her alimony payment. He buys buildings and slams his name on 'em in 15-foot-high bronze letters. He BUILDS ugly-ass buildings, in locations where you can’t ignore them. He could give a rat’s ass about NYC (or Atlantic City) architectural history. He has books about himself ghost-written, then buys copies at retail to push them up bestseller lists. His 15-year-old daughter is a “model,” with his blessing. He has a really stupid haircut. And now, with no political experience whatsoever, he wants to run for the U.S. presidency on the Reform Party ticket, on the basis of his “celebrity,” and the fact that “the people LOVE him.”




Thank you, Ike dear, you pretty much named everything I hate about Trump–but you left out (from the woman’s perspective) that he looks like an earthworm in a suit. How can someone be both THAT rich and THAT ugly?

As for me, what would I do to him? Same thing Marla did–marry the SOB and take him for a cartload of cash. Of course, I’d have to use it all for psychotherapy and shock treatment, trying to erase the wedding night from my memory . . . urgh . . .

Maybe a good pantsing and a red-belly, to go along with the swirlie, would help to set this pompous ass on a righteous path.

Yep, the swirlie idea is growing on me, Sausage Boy. A perfect childish bully response to a perfectly childish bully.

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” - Humphrey Bogart

You forgot to mention that he doesn’t shake hands with people. Probably OK if you’re a Howard Hughes-esque recluse, but not a quality you’d like to see in someone who constantly greets foreign diginitaries.

Yeah and my guess is he is just kinky enough to enjoy it too… I mean what kind of excitement can you expect a filthy rich guy who goes by the name of Donald to have anyways?

(My deepest apoligies go out there to anyone else by the name of Donald that I may have offended.)

Thanks for clearing that up, Ike. I never had it put quite that succinctly.

And yeah, it is pretty icky for him to go marrying blonde models every coupla years and then getting rid of them. Hadn’t thought of that.

Geez, just re-read my last postI was reffering to his bid for presidency and I make it sound like its a foregone conclusion he’ll be elected prez. I should’ve said “but not a quality you’d like to see in someone who constantly greets foreign dcuz he’s a total jagoff.”

And I recommend the dread “Rear Admiral”.

Off topic. Whoops, I should have read the happiness thread before my most recent post here. Sorry Uke, no more sausage boy jokes.

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” - Humphrey Bogart

Did I mention how lyrical and moving Unk’s wurst sonnet was? :wink:

Thanks, Uke. Am I still in the will?

“The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.” - Humphrey Bogart

What would I do with Trump?
I would pull them, finesse the King and throw West in for an end play.

This space for rent.

I’d grab a pair of scissors and cut that damn hair of his!!! You’d think a man of his wealth could find a decent barber!

Awwww, Pundit…you took my idea. GMTA. How can someone be so rich and have such a shitty haircut?

I think I would lock in the room with all his ex wives and Howard Stern just for the hoots.

BTW, why won’t Ivana just go away.Just when she disappears off the scope for awhile, BANG, she’s back in People. Sure she has a great body for a woman her age and ski’s really well, but GAWD, she loooks like a very ugly drag queen from the neck up. Speaking of that, has anyone ever really seen her neck. Maybe she is hiding an adam’s apple.

I don’t mind rich folks, but Da Donald is a putz. Here he is, richer than some nations and what has he done with it? Stayed a rich, humorless, arrogant, styless blob.

Compare him to Malcolm Forbes. Now THAT was a man who knew how to live rich. He earned his bucks, and enjoyed them: romanced Liz Taylor (in her slightly past prime), raced motorcycles and hot air balloons, collected Faberge, wore black leather to stuffy corporate meetings…

For Da Donald? I fear it would be the full “Clockwork Orange” treatment. (AFTER the haircut, of course.) Confine him and force-expose him to good art, good movies, READ to the lump–classics, comedies, biographies, the works–and then ponder what “curriculum” in basic human relations might make a dent in his ego.

This is just depressing. WE have Da Donald posturing madly in presidential aspirations while the Brits have Richard Branson. Now there’s a tough, funny, smart as hell gazillionaire who, when he wants the trains to run on time, just blithely bankrolls the system overhaul as a new challenge.

Sorry. Got wordy again.