What would you do......?

In My Humble Opinion
1

My sister just called with a dilemma. Her 19 year old daughter is planning to travel to another city to do a photo shoot (she’s the photographer) and she is going to be accompanied by a 17-year-old friend (still in high school) who is splitting the cost of the hotel, and gas. HS girl has permission from her mom. They are leaving in a week, and she is paying her half of the money today so that Daughter can reserve the room.

Today, my sister finds two copies of a high school “permission slip” in the computer desk that claims that “your child is selected to attend a leadership conference” in the same city as the photo shoot, same weekend…leaving at the same time . It’s an early dismissal day for the school, so it’s not like she is skipping school…but it’s obviously a fake (my sister is a teacher, and the permission slip does not include any of the specific information, like the name of the hotel, that a real slip would have). And this girl is not the kind of student to be selected to be one of 4 students getting this opportunity…and Daughter has told mom that the girl is a pathological liar, and very convincing.

So it seems obvious that the two of them have faked up this permission slip to get the HS girl’s mom’s approval for the trip. She doesn’t know her daughter will be staying in a hotel taking photos of alternative rock groups. My sister plans to inform the mom, but she wanted advice on how to confront her daughter, and whether to allow her daughter to borrow the car and go on the trip at all, with or without the HS girl.

She wanted to wake her daughter up right now, and ask her what is going on, before she commits any money to the hotel. My advice was to wait until she gets back from the parade she has to attend, but leave Daughter a note to hold off on the hotel reservations until she gets back…as if this child will really be up and out of bed in the timeframe…lol. Then to tell her that she knows what the two of them are up to (to not allow her to try to come up with some story to “explain” things) and that she is going to call the other mother and inform her of the situation. Wheter Daughter still gets to take the car and go on the trip is still under discussion…it is a job opportunity, but the other girl is still a minor, and Daughter, as an adult, would be responsible if anything happened.

My sister also is agonizing over whether to involve her husband (also still in bed) who has been known to side with Daughter about all sorts of things my sister did not think he would approve of, or just be the heavy as usual and handle it herself, and bear the brunt of Daughter’s expected tantrum alone. Their marriage is under a lot of strain at the moment, and she feels she can’t be sure of his siding with her, and not Daughter.

So what would you do?

2

The problem is that by lending her daughter the car when the daughter is helping her friend go to another city under false pretenses, your sister is putting herself on the hook for liability if anything should go wrong. Especially now that she knows about it. So, your sister needs to remove herself from the equation. Do not count on your niece or the friend to declare “mea culpa” and cancel the trip. They might swear the friend will stay at home, but there’s very little chance of that.

  • notify the girl’s mother that the permission slip is a fake and there is no school outting, and that the girl was planning on accompanying your niece to photograph alternative rock bands.
  • refuse the use of her car to your niece on the grounds that your sister would be held legally liable should anything bad happen.
  • allow your niece to find other transportation, but do not in any way aid her. No money, no co-signing for a rental car, nada.
  • expect your niece to go running to her daddy because mommy’s being mean. He’ll probably lend her the car or co-sign for a rental or something, but that’s his decision.

Sounds like your sister and her husband need to be in counseling. Rule #1 of marriage with kids is that you never let the kids play one parent off against the other.

3

Oh, they need counseling for much more than that! and I’m not sure any longer if their marriage is salvagable, and the worst part is the daughter was the instigator in causing certain things to come to light that are threatening to break them up. Now the daughter is using her power to get Daddy to do whatever she wants, by playing the Poor Pitiful Me card and the I’ll Take Your Side Against Mom card.

Since i haven’t heard from my sister in nearly eight hours, I’m guessing things are not going well.