What would you do......?

What would you do if you were at a bar, looking for company, you see a person you find to be very attractive, you muster up the courage to go over and talk to him or her, you sit down next to them and say “hello, how are you?”, and the person just looks at you, flails his/her hands in the air and mouth’s the phrase “I am deaf”.

Do you still find a way to talk to them? I mean, you DID find them attractive.

Or do you no longer find them attractive and find a way out of the situation?

Well no matter what else you do, you tell her that she’s lucky she doesn’t have to hear the shitty music/band that the place has going on. :wink:

If pen and paper were available I’d make another attempt at communication, although it’s entirely possible the deafness is merely a ruse to get rid of you. I don’t think I’d find the person less attractive but it’s never happened to me so I’m guessing.

I would be intrigued, and would probably ask them (through gesture) if they could read/write English, and if so, I’d grab a pen and a stack of cocktail napkins and have at it.

ETA: I know a little ASL, but not enough to hold a conversation. I could say, “You’re very cute,” but after that, I’d be reduced to reciting some vocab at them. That could be useful in identifying a faker, though.

I heard this situation on a podcast recently where a woman called in, she was just beating herself up because she rejected a man that she thought was attractive until she learned he was deaf. She regretted thinking how difficult it would be to communicate with him & at the time she was just selfish. Then she thought, maybe he was rejecting her in a very immature way. That caused a bunch of emotions, and by the time she called this podcast, she was an emotional mess.

That is what lead me to ask this question.

I probably would do the same thing at the bar if I was her, actually. Smile. Make very small talk. Move on. If I was at a bar, looking to get lucky, I am in a me, me, me frame of mind, I probably would think flirting with a deaf person would be too much work.

I am a male, in my early thirties, happily married for 14 years.

Wait, wait … people go to bars to meet people now?


Lots of deaf people can lip-read; lots of deaf people can talk.

True, although if they responded as in the OP:

…I’d figure they couldn’t. The people I’ve met who can talk and read lips usually say so: “Hi, I’m Joe; I’m deaf, but I can lip-read. So… how you doin’?”

I would attempt to continue to attempt to get to know the woman and possibly to seduce her. Deaf, shmeaf.

This title is too vague-please come up with a more descriptive title, and I’ll fix it for you.

Yeah, if she’s already caught my eye, learning she’s deaf won’t be a turnoff. There’s always written communication, if necessary.

Myself, I’d just lick my eyebrows, and she’d follow me home.

I’ve never understood this sorta cultural meme that goes around.

That deaf people are incapable of communicating with the outside world except in the most crude of methods.

Pen and paper anyone ?

Hell, virtually ALLL the chatter on the internet is non-verbal.

Frankly, I’d be intrigued. I’ve only ever briefly met a couple of deaf people in passing so I’d probably try to get a conversation going whether by lip reading or writing notes. (Granted, I probably wouldn’t want to run very far with her lack of hearing as a topic; I imagine it gets a bit old explaining it all the time.)

Yes, we do have a few deaf hookers here. I’ve seen them in the freelancer hangouts. Fun to watch them bargain with potential customers. They’ll scribble their prices on a pad, the john will make a counter-offer, she’ll rub it out and put another figure down. One guy I knew who went with one thought he was being charitable and doing her a favor but said it turned out to be one of the best times he ever had. A real wildcat.

This happened to me once . . . except I didn’t know he was deaf until after we’d already had sex. We saw each other a couple of times, and it wasn’t a problem.

Makes sense to me.

At a high school where I taught for many years, a very beautiful deaf girl arrived one September. Within days, many boys were studying sign language with enthusiasm. She didn’t talk, she signed, and she had a translator accompany her in class.

I don’t see it as too much different from approaching someone and having them answer in some language I don’t understand. I say “Hi there, gorgeous!” and she says “Quang chi gung hon”. Damn. What now, Ace?

At least with a deaf English speaker we have the written alternative.

That’s a start. Just add “Wanna fuck?” and try it out on every deaf woman. Apparently a couple will take you up on it.