Avarie, I think you were just trying to be honest about the break in the relationship, so I’m not going to say shitty things.
But perhaps it would be best to just let the whole thing go. As we say in my little fellowship, it’s nobody else’s business what I think of them, so I should keep my mouth shut.
If you know that the friendship wasn’t healthy for you, don’t try and rekindle it. Just move on (again).
You sent that? Why? Even if it was true and you are thinking of reestablishing contact, you don’t actually say those things. What good will it do?
**What would you think if you got a letter like this? **
I would wonder what these two paragraphs -
were doing in the same letter.
Do you want contact with this person, or don’t you?
Regards,
Shodan
I’d be either hurt or inclined to laugh in the person’s face, depending on whether I had any respect for them or not. I wouldn’t want to rekindle the friendship, ever.
Some things just plain shouldn’t be said, even if they’re true.
That the kind of letter you write, then lock in a drawer. A few days later you open the drawer, throw the letter out, and now that you’ve got all the bad blood out of your system, you start a new one that actually sounds friendly.
… Well, personally, I wouldn’t be hurt or offended by it.
But then, I’d be more likely to write something like that than read it. I have no absolutely no people skills.
You’d get one more voice mail from me encouraging you to felch a ferret.
Wow. You already sent that? I think I would have asked for advice before I sent it if I were you.
I think the damage is done by now, but my two maple leaves: that kind of thing needs to be said face to face. Putting it in a letter is going to make things worse, not better.
Hmmm. I don’t think you meant to hurt this woman, but some of what you said could be really hurtfull.
I’ve had a friendship like this in the past, and had to walk away, but I would be interested in being friends again if she’d stopped using drugs and dating the wrong men, and whining about why her life sucked.
If this woman has changed a lot over the past 3 years, and realized she was a crappy friend, she might read what you’ve written and nod in agreement. If she hasn’t, she might just get really upset about what you’ve said. Hell, even if she has changed she still might be hurt.
I would have saved the bit about why you stopped talking to her until after sitting down for coffee and rekindling the friendship. Even then, I might not have gone into as much detail unless I was sure we were BFF again.
I’m not going to tell you to felch a ferret or anything, I’ve felt exactly the same as you before. I just think if someone sent me a letter like that it would probably upset me, even if I agreed with what it said.
“What would you think if you got a letter like this?”
That I wouldn’t piss on your grave in a grass fire! What an arrogant, assinine, self centered load of crap.
I totally agree with you SMC. If someone really really bugs me and I feel I need to let them knowi will rip off a letter stating my feelings and save it on my hard drive. If in a couple of days I am still justifiably hurt/angry, I might send it or reword and send it, but surprisingly once I’ve got the emotion out of me, mostly I don’t feel the need.
I don’t think I’ve ever done anything with these missives but delete them 
Oh. Once I meant to send a complaint about my then boyfriend to one of my girl friends, but accidentally sent it to him instead. THAT was fun. :smack:
It seems the opinions here are pretty unanimous and I don’t need to add to it but the above is exactly what I was thinking.
Hey! I don’t think they’d like that. 
At this point I would remember what a grating busybody you were and recall how you always thought you knew what was best for everyone else and used that as an excuse for contributing your advice where it hadn’t been asked for and wasn’t desired, appreciated or needed.
And why are you going into so much detail and explanation?
Erm…
Really? That’s how you address people you’re trying to cultivate a shaky relationship with?
Seriously, the whole thing reads “You suck, why are you talking to me? Christ you’re annoying, I still disapprove of your relationship and think it’s doomed, but good luck with that. My family life is actually pretty good. Let’s have lunch!”
Oh, yeah, let’s! :dubious:
At this point I would remember what a grating busybody you were and recall how you always thought you knew what was best for everyone else and used that as an excuse for contributing your advice where it hadn’t been asked for and wasn’t desired, appreciated or needed.
And why are you going into so much detail and explanation?
This is EXACTLY what I was trying to say!
I have to ask, what was the real point of this letter? Did you want to tell this woman to piss off and drop dead, but you were a little shy about it so you couched it in a back-handed lunch invite?
I’m sort of curious now.
What I might think if I got a letter like that:
Only a sadistic scoundrel – or a fool – tells the bald truth on social occasions. -LL-