From junior high until halfway through college I had a best friend who in a lot of ways was like a sister to me, but things started going south in the last few years for a bunch of reasons (some her fault, some mine.) The thing that brought the whole friendship to a crappy end was a boyfriend she started off ka-RAZY about, but it didn’t take long for him to turn into a whiny, controlling, passive- aggressive merkin (and yes she did a lot of things that aggravated him, too, but by default at the time I was on her side.)
She “dealt” with the problem by basically hanging out with me exclusively, pretty much all the time we weren’t at work/school. This had the effect of annoying me because I couldn’t get any time alone (again, my fault because I could have told her I didn’t want to go/do whatever) and pissing off the boyfriend because A) she wasn’t with him and B) I would urge her to break up with him because it wasn’t a happy relationship for either party.
He “dealt” with the situation by spreading vicious rumors about me and culminated with one of his (female) cousins threatening to pound the snot out of me, which was the point when I said “it’s over.”
I wrote a letter saying exactly what had happened and exactly how I’d been feeling, and that I couldn’t take it any more. I wouldn’t answer any of her calls and avoided any place I might have bumped into any of them. I was a wreck for weeks afterwards but in the end basically all I could feel was relief.
Fast forward ~15 years to yesterday when I picked up my mail and one had a return address in Canada. As I’m wondering who the hell I know in Canada I opened it up and found a birthday card from the ex-friend, with a note inside which basically said “now that we’re older, maybe we can put the bad stuff behind us and be friends again.”
I don’t really know what I felt as the whole situation played out in my head again. My knee-jerk reaction was to throw the card in the trash (which I did at first, picked it out later).
I didn’t sleep much, but I made myself think about the whole thing. And I realize I don’t hold any kind of a grudge towards her or the boyfriend, and something that seemed world-ending when I was 19 basically wasn’t.
However I’m not sure what to do next. I don’t wish her any ill, but I don’t want to reconnect, either. Throwing the card back in the trash and pretending I never got it just doesn’t seem right; I’m leaning more towards sending back a short note that basically says, I don’t hold a grudge, I hope you’re happy with your new life, when I think of the past I remember the good times, but I’m not interested in restarting the friendship.
I kind of think she deserves a response because it couldn’t have been easy for her to seek me out, but now I’m worried about saying something too harsh or dismissive. Why’s life gotta be complicated :mad: