What'd I miss?

I’ve been away from the boards since the start of February. What did I miss?

TubaDiva gave all current participants $10,000 each. It was AWESOME! I used mine to buy a car!

The rhino stampede was a little dangerous, but it was exciting!

Scarlet Johannson registered and offered free sex to anyone who posted between 2/15 and 3/27. We were all pretty excited, but it turned out that it wasn’t really her… the internet had acheived consciousness, and was messing with us.

Shhh - it can hear us.

Speak for yourself.

The problems started when she wanted me to make her breakfast. “No, Scarlett,” I said, “much as I admire your quirky natural beauty and astonishing body, and all the wild things you did with me last night, breakfast wasn’t part of our contract. Now please leave.”

Bitch took my wallet.

It sure was. It was a test project for newbie initiation (let’s face it, Maria the squid is getting on in years), and you should have seen those newbies run! I think only a few didn’t make it out alive or safe–kind of hard to see from where I was sitting. Anybody know for sure?

ivn1188 was appointed moderator of The Pit and General Questions. It hasn’t been pretty.

A self-admitted pedophile flamed out.

Weren’t you in a mafia game? It ended.

I personally started my most successful thread. 127 posts. Og, I was so hard I could hardly walk.

It’s kind of funny how that fits in with all the other interesting events. :slight_smile:

There was a board war with yayignorance.com. I know, we’re not supposed to do that sort of thing, but they attacked first.

Oh, and the Dope nearly splintered over a nasty little fight about a nasty little creep. Fortunately that bit seems to be over.

Yeah, he got subbed out when he disappeared.

A brand new TOYOTA!

Hello, Scuba_Ben.

I joined and am still trying to figure out the players.

Edit: So very wrong of me. I see I joined in January.

The board was shut down and replaced with an exact duplicate.

Also, the ice cream used in the Stage II ritual achieved sentience and now has a talk show on YouTube.

czarcasm is now Chicken of Bristol

(this one is real)

We’re all celibate vegetarians now.
It’s a LOOOOOOONG story…

The end of the world as we know it.

But I feel fine.