What's goin' on?... with my daughter.

Sue Duhnym, we were in such a state of confusion last night that we never did ask her directly if she’d called or visited the Medical College. And that’s part of the weirdness… the phone call never specifically identified themselves as a particular clinic. When she gets home from school today, we’ll find out more. Hopefully an explanation for all this.

And to answer your other questions specifically, no we’ve never used the Medical College (or it’s clinics) for service, and she’s never made her own appointments. Our regular doctors are not in any way affiliated with the Medical College.

Your question about whether or not she’s been ill lately does bring to mind that a few months ago she severly broke her nose and we spent an evening in the Emergency Room at Children’s Hospital, which is affilitated with the Medical College. Why they would call about this now however is beyond my imagination. And that wouldn’t explain their reticence to tell us why they were calling.

Thanks for the words of support… it means a lot to me. And yes, if this is a case where the caller was just incompetent, they certainly will get an earful regarding our dual near heart attacks.

irishgirl, you are so sweet. I love your “DON’T WORRY” admonition. I’ll try to take your advice. And your comment of “she’s lucky to have you watching her back” caused a big lump in my throat. Thank you.

To everyone… I don’t want this to be a thread killer but I want you to know taht I am truly grateful for your words of advice, suggestions, encouragement, support, etc. The SDMB can be a wonderful support group in time of emotional need.

My first instinct is that this is a basic miscommunication or mix-up.

On the other hand. When I was 17 I ws a very honest hard-working teen, but also a very adept liar. I rarely put my powers to ill use, but when I lied I was rarely (if ever) suspected.

There is a chance, only a chance really, that your daughter is simply intelligent and has mentally (or even practically) rehearsed this encounter using the “method acting approach” “If I was truly innocent of wrongdoing, how would I act?” and has troubleshot her reaction to eliminate suspious melodrama or sly behaviors.

On a similar note, in the worst case scenario – I was in a bit of trouble, and was 18 years of age – I would have kept it to myself, and dealt with it myself. (That is to say, kept it from my parents, I had a network of supportive friends). I can’t explain any specific reason for this, except that is how I would have preferred it. For this specific reason I decided not to be sexually active till after 18, so that everything to do with it could be 100% my business.

Hello Again, this statement of yours…

… is what precisely why I still, in face of all the weirdness, have some doubt that it is all a simple mistake. She is intelligent and could possibly have acted through last night’s scenario.

If so, she is really good. And that is in a way frightening all by itself. ~grin~

Let me ask you a question: if Algernette is in a spot of personal trouble (whatever it may be, I agree it could be an STD, vs. pregnancy), and chooses to take care of it using legal resources at her disposal. What, exactly, is the problem with that?

I’m serious in asking this question. I guess I have always been very private about my body, right back to when I got my period at age 9, got a maxi pad, and went about my day without telling my mom or seeing the need to. What did it have to do with her?

Good question Hello Again. It made me think. I’ll try to seriously answer your serious question. I think it simply comes down to parental love and concern.

Our assumption when contemplating the conversation we planned on having with Algernette last night, was based on the belief that a teenager in High School who found herself accidentally pregnant would be frightened and confused. Frightened about her condition and the consequences. Frightened about our possible reaction. Confused about the proper course of action.

If that is not the case (and it sounds like that wouldn’t have been the case with you, and if Algernette really is pregnant then it certainly isn’t the case with her) then I guess I don’t have a problem with her handling the situation herself without any help from us.

Even as I say that though, I guess there is a little selfishness in being a parent from the perspective that we want to help. We want to be somewhat protective. It’s a hard habit to break. Especially since she is still in High School and living at home.

Algernon, I must say I think you’re handling everything just fine. Continue to treat her with the respect she’s earned, though.

If she’s 18, and she’s been a good kid, and you seem to be able to communicate with her pretty well, just ask her if “there’s anything we should be concerned with.” No snooping, no *69, none of that – no matter what the result, that’s the best long-term course. Just say “I accept that, and now that you’re 18, you’re responsible for more of your life. I’m still your father, and you still live here, and I still love you, and I’ll always be concerned, but we hopefully we won’t have to discuss this again. Good night.”


I’d like to offer encouragement to the Algernon family, too. I hope all is well with your daughter and you get all the communication straightened out. Whatever the problem, if there is one, it isn’t insurmountable. Usually the fear is worse than the actuality. Good luck and best wishes.

Ace0Spades, where were you last night when I needed you to whisper these words in my ear? ~smile~

Well said. I believe you are right. I hope I have the courage to behave consistent with that belief.

Thanks for the encouragement Ellen Cherry. I agree with you that the fear is almost always worse than the reality.

Reminds me of my dear departed father-in-law. After he had open heart surgery but still in the hospital, I asked him how it went. He said “it was bad… but not half as bad as he feared.”

Sounds like a miscommunication to me- but I will say this: you’re good parents and I’d be surprised that if she IS having a problem, she wouldn’t come to you with it.

I’ll also tell you this: Twice as a teen I had to take friends for “services” that definately would have resulted in a huge problem if reported to their parents. Perhaps she did the same and used her name to protect them. Not all parents are supportive in a crisis situation.

Good luck- I’m sure all will be well.

Believe me, we both wish I was in MPSIMS and not the PIT. Ah, well. Glad to see I’m still have the occasional insight.

Though I don’t really think you needed it, just encouragement, and I see you got plenty. :stuck_out_tongue:

Why I always think of more after posting, i’ll never know.

Another possibility: She went to one of those college recruitment things at school or got on a college mailing list and they’re following up. Not a very smart way for her to communicate (the caller), but people are like that-

I once had the Red Cross call me after a blood donation telling me to “Call right away- it’s very important”. (I’d had surgery recently and was frantic that I had AIDS- this was 1990) When I finally called, the nurse said they were discarding my donation because of a change in diferrment times after surgery. Nothing was wrong. That didn’t change the fact that I spent all night in tears and in a panic. If you could have heard her voice, you would have too.
The Red Cross nurse never did see why I was upset at all. She just saw nothing wrong with her communication. ::shrug::

Ahhh… Zette, yet another good theory. One I should’ve thought of. When I was in college I accompanied female friends to be “serviced”. Two different friends at different times. And back then it was a much bigger deal.

And no, I wasn’t the cause of the “problem”. I was recruited to help because I had a car, and the only place to get “serviced” was 70 miles away.

Alger- very similar situation with me. I had a car and cash, and parents that didn’t question what I did.

~laugh~ I do notice you’ve been pretty busy in the PIT with your december and Rhapsody threads.

In case someone posts and doesn’t get a response from me it’s because I’m leaving now to go to a funeral visitation. ::sigh:: It’s been a helluva week.

Per my OP, when I find out “what’s goin’ on” with my daughter, I’ll post it.

Once again, I appreciate all the words of encouragement.

And because I’m a pretty good typist and speller, I sure hate to see my mistakes in my posts… for example “split” instead of “spilt”… screwing up my father-in-law’s quote… oh well. You all got the point anyway.

This is something of a casual post, but just to let you know as someone who has been there, telling their parents about a pregnancy:

My parents are loving, supportive people through and through, and I admittedly caught them off guard with the news, but when I told my dad Natalie was pregnant, he paused for a few seconds and then said “You’re kidding, right?”

He’s not the greatest communicator. And I can’t say I did any better in the hospital with Natalie when something was wrong, and she couldn’t bring herself to tell me what, and finally I said “Well, it’s not like you’re pregnant, right?”

Assholish responses to critical situations must run in the blood or something. Anyway, something to think about.

She’s a senior in high school and just turned 18, right? It could be something as innocent as the clinic trying to schedule a physical. You need to have one done before you start college, and I know I had mine done months in advance. I’m not sure what her doctor is like, but mine kept a list of “issues” to discuss with a patient, and know that reminders that I ought to have that physical before being accepted into college came up my senior year once the doctor asked if I was planning on continuing my education.

On the other hand, she could be going there for problems with her period (endometritis etc) that she’s just too embarassed to talk to you about. There would be several “options” she’d need to dicuss with a doctor in a case like that, as well.

You sound like a great father Algernon.

In California, at least, medical providers are not allowed to talk to the parents without the express consent of the person involved if they are over a certain age (it’s either fourteen or sixteen). It could have very easily been related to her emergency room visit or some other innocent thing. By law, the might not be able to specify what was going on.

If it was related to something more serious, she seems to be a smart girl in the hands of medical professionals. If she is mature enough to go to the doctors for birth control, she is probably mature enough to be using it.

Some very intellegent and very mature teenagers are also pretty private people. I can remember keeping a lot of stuff to myself at that age because I knew I could handle it and bringing other people into the fray, especially other people with potential for strange emotionally charged reactions, would end up doing a lot more harm than good. It’s tough to trust a kid to make the right decisions, but you sound like a good father and she sounds like a good kid, so I wouldn’t worry too much if she keeps some things to herself.

Don’t panic, Algernon.

Back when I was in high school a classmate was diagnosed with leucemia, so I submitted to a bone marrow match test. My mom got a very similar call to the one you got, and needless to say it wasn’t well recieved, but it turned out the panic was for naught.

I have to admit I handled it similar to your Algernette. That is to say “cryptic”. It wasn’t malicious, I was just a young person trying to assert his privacy, though candor would have saved my folks a weeks worth of anxiety.