So I’m driving my daughter back to college and we’re talking about all manner of things. She recently turned 21, and her current drink of choice is Mike’s Hard Lemonade. So we talk some more about drinking, and touch upon drugs and cigarettes, when she elects to say, “I really had no interest in either of those. Besides pre-marital sex, I’ve really been a straight arrow!” :eek:
I had no reason to believe she was a virgin, but that doesn’t mean I was dying to discuss her sexlife.
So, what would your response have been? I think I turned on some tunes and then switched the topic to something or another.
I think I might have inquired as to which form of BC she was using and if she was also using a barrier method as well. And then I would have fiddled with the radio (because her answer better have been The Pill or X plus condoms). If not, more talking would have ensued.
Please pardon my not knowing Dinsdale but are you this 21 yo’s mom or dad? Not sure what difference it makes, but it was the first thing I wondered. What’s your relationship with her like in general? Do you think she was trying to evoke a particular response?
I was trying to think through why I might have brought up such a thing in her shoes*. possibilities included:
[ul]
[li]She wanted to impress upon you that she’s an adult now[/li][li]She just wanted to shock you a tiny bit[/li][li]She assumed you knew and really wanted to assure you she won’t become a smoker[/li][/ul]
I’d like to think my response would be similar to eleanorigby’s. But by the time she’s 21, if I were confident she knew how to be safe and would use BC the details are definitely not my beeswax so I might say “la la la la I can’t hear you.”
*I’m 41 and I’ve NEVER spoken to either of my parents about sex. Ever.
I’m her dad, and we’ve always talked pretty freely about pretty much anything.
She did say something along the lines of “besides premarital sex, and I’ve done that safely…”
She has been on BC for some time, and had guardasil. Guess I should have ascertained whether they were using rubbers as well. Tho her mom and I have definitely spoken with our kids of it in the past. Guess it goes to show that no matter how long I’ve been at this parenting game, it is never too late to drop the ball!
I get the impression that at 21 and as a senior, she is just starting to loosen up a bit, and said this at least in part to emphasize that - at least in many ways - she is becoming more of an independent adult.
I would have told her my opinion on the matter and asked that she digest it and consider it, and encourage her not to give me any other details, because they aren’t relevant. You aren’t hunting for an opinion based on her stories, and you are always free to state your case/opinion, and ask her to please consider it.
Avoid the awkwardness. State your case succinctly. Ask her to consider it. Move on, but be firm about your opinion.
I’m female, and I only have sons, so it’s hard to relate. But I think that if I had a daughter my response would be, “Fuck this premarital bit. Do NOT get married.”
I meant to say as well that I really don’t want to hear about that part of her life in any detail in future…
I cannot imagine having this conversation with my sons, but if they mention it, I hope I’d be brave enough to not run shrieking from the room.
Kudos to your daughter for having the nerve (and sense) to bring it up with you. (I always thought Dinsdale was female… sorry! I need to pay closer attention)
I’ve been substituting as a teacher in a Mom’s Day Out program. So children ranging from fifteen months to four years are dropped off each day.
Said one mother to her child “Don’t forget to chew with your mouth closed”
Needless to say, that’s the least of his problems–it’s not that he’s a bad kid, but like most 2-3 year old boys, he’s prone to stealing toys, whining, pushing, etc. And he’s bitten someone or tried to more than once (this is NOT common in the program).
From the perspective of a 27 year old guy, I’ve off-handedly mentioned going to a strip club ONE time in front of my parents, the ensuing uncomfortable silence afterwords still sticks me 6 years after I said it. No way I’m going to be talking about banging anyone around my parents, ever!
