My father died in April, and left a house and a boatload of debt to my three sisters and me. My oldest sister is going to apply to become the Administrator of the Estate, along with my youngest sister. Nobody has to be an Administrator; that job can’t be forced on anyone. If nobody wants it, the Province would appoint a Trustee. None of us were close to my dad. For some reason, my oldest sister is acting very hostile to everyone else when it comes to matters of the Estate.
She is a Chartered Accountant, so she has done all the books that are required (she was the logical choice, and we probably couldn’t have stopped her if we tried), but when other people (i.e. me) do other things to gather information she acts like her toes are getting stepped on, gets upset, and says things like, “If you want to be Adminstrator, go ahead. I don’t want it anyway.”
Most recently, her husband, a Real Estate Agent, was supposed to arrange for an appraisal to be done of the Estate home. It’s been over a month, and he hasn’t had it done yet, so I found a name and made contact with an appraiser in the city where the house is. I didn’t ask him to do the appraisal; I just got the name and sent an email requesting information on getting one done. She was miffed again.
I don’t understand where her anger is coming from. Why is she so sensitive to anybody else trying to do anything to help? Why does she see any help as a threat? How long is it going to be before I tell her to take her anger and shove it up her ass because I’m tired of her blowing up at me for trying to help?
Is she a control freak? It sounds that way to me from your brief description.
Dunno what to tell you, but you have my sympathies. Siblings sometimes get weird when a parent dies.
WAG…
She has unresolved issues about your father?
She’s disappointed with him in life and now in death, given the state of affairs regarding debt?
She was hoping for a more meaningful closure?
He always liked you best and she’s still trying to please him but resents her need to do so?
In that specific instance, I can see why she was mad. It was her husband’s responsibility to get it done. By helping, you were basically implying that you didn’t trust them to handle it. It may be that she’s been nagging him to do it, and he hasn’t gotten around to it, and she was mad at him, and very embarassed to have you step in. (Betcha he caught an ear-full. ;))
For better or worse, you let her take on this responsiblity. Sounds like she’s pretty touchy about it, whatever her reasons are. I think that the most you can do is let her know that you’re willing to help, and then just sit back and let her handle it as she sees fit. IIRC from your previous thread, you didn’t really care much about the money, right? Family and money always creates a minefield. If it really isn’t a big deal for you, you have the luxury of backing off.
She knows about the precious metal deposits under the house?
Or she has issues, either one.
It could be guilt due to procrastination. And the procrastination could be due to knowing that what she’s doing is a direct result of your father’s death. I agree with Fairychatmom. Siblings do get weird when a parent dies. My father died at Christmas this past year, my brother talks incessantly about dad and needing to know if he suffered. OTOH, I prefer not to even think about it or talk about him. He’s dealing with it and I’ve closed off.
So, we’re both dealing with it differently and I suspect that’s what’s going on between you and your sister. She’s may be frustrated that she can’t bring herself to do the work and her blowing up at you may not even be about you, but her guilt.
But that’s my Dr. Phil answer. I’m really sorry your loss.
I think she is a control freak, now that you mention it. I don’t think she’s procrastinating; I think her husband is not getting the job done, and she’s probably mad at him for that too, and doesn’t care for other people pointing it out.
You’re right, Podkayne; if left to my own, I would let the province take the house for back taxes and let the creditors fight it out with the provincial trustee to get paid then, but my mom is planning to buy the Estate house, and she would like to get a figure on what it is going to cost her, so she would like to get the appraisal done so she can start working on her own decisions (my parents were divorced four days before my dad died. Life’s funny, huh?) But typing this out, it occurs to me that this really isn’t my problem, or my business. I think the best thing I can do here is back off and let the chips fall where they may.