My Dad died about 2 months ago, quite suddenly. Now I am fighting with my two siblings about what to do with his house. And my brothers birthday is today, he has threatened to disown me over the house. I’m too young to deal with this at only 37 years old.
I hope all of you with a still living father have had a nice Fathers Day. We had plans to go fishing, I hope you sons and daughters got to do something special with your Dad while he is still here.
My condolences on the loss of your dad, Pabstist. My dear father is gone too, for several years now. I still miss him but Father’s Day is not as painful as it was the first couple times without him.
I do hope the family troubles can be worked out amicably. You don’t need that on top of your grief. I hope you feel better tomorrow.
Did your dad leave a will? In there an executor? What is the nature of the disagreement?
I’ve been involved with several family estate settlements over the years, and maybe I can suggest some ways of looking at the problem. Or maybe not, I dunno, but I’ll give it a shot if you want to lay out more info.
About all I can offer is my sympathy; when my dad died unexpectedly a couple of years ago, I spent part of the time at his house fighting with my oldest sister who wanted to play martyr and didn’t like it when my husband and I weren’t playing along with her. This is the sister whose husband hasn’t spoken to us for a year now over a real estate deal - I fully expect that she and her husband will do everything in their power to make our lives miserable when my mom dies.
What was my point again? Oh yeah, sorry about the loss of your father, sorry your siblings are being asses. Stick to your guns with the house, but don’t take it too far just to prove a point.
I really don’t know what to say. My father is still alive, although both my grandfathers died at a very young age. I hope things work out, and I wish you the best. My PM inbox is always open if you need to vent.
My condolences on your loss.
Death brings out the total vultures in people. Total. Vultures.
Can the house/estate be divided three ways and settled that way?
My condolences, pabstist. I hear too many horror stories about this same sort of situation, and I’m not looking forward to it. My parents divorced years ago, and my dad remarried a women with several kids. Some are pretty good people, but one or two are a dukes mixture of greedy jerks, mentally unbalanced nutcases, and general assholes. And they’ve reproduced.
I honestly think that I’ll do well to end up with a few items as mementos, and maybe a little money after everything is sold. I suspect that the situation will be drawn out and fought over until the next property tax bill shows up, and then, when it starts costing them money, they’ll change their tunes.
Sorry - I got also off topic. I guess my best advice is to remember that the house and property are merely inanimate items. Never fall in love with something that can’t love you back. If you and your siblings can’t come to a reasonable resolution among yourselves, look around for a mediator or referee of some sort. Sometimes an outside party can get everyone to see that they really do have common ground.
Sorry for your loss pabstist. As has been mentioned above, the love of money is the root of all evil.
My Dad is almost 90 and mad as a March hare.
Wow, I just realized that I did not think of my dad at all yesterday. (He would often say “Honor thy father and mother”. I finally learned to reply “Father’s, provoke not thy children to wrath.”)
I did wonder if my boys had any contact with their dad. On Father’s Day a few years ago, I asked my youngest if he had contacted his father that day. He said “no”. When I remarked that he still had a few hours left in the day to contact him, my son said “meh”. I haven’t asked about it since.
Hugs are the best I got right now but you have them.
Thanks all for the hugs.
Anyhoo, my dad left his house to be split three ways in the will. The problem is that my sister has cancer, and she and my brother think that she should get the house clear and free so that “she can be comfortable”. And my sister is the executrix. With brain tumors.
I just want to sell it or have her buy me out, which makes me greedy and only caring about money. I figure he had reasons for what he put in his will, and we should do what he wanted. My sister could live anywhere just the same and be comfortable, it’s not some old family home, just a house that he bought ten years ago. My brother thinks we owe it to her husband who takes care of her, but if my Dad thought he was so deserving than wouldn’t he have so stated that in the will? It may sound uncaring, but I just want what my Dad wanted me to have after he passed away.
Sorry to vent, but it helps me feel better. Maybe i should start a separate thread about this.
I can’t see that you are doing anything whatsoever to be thought of as greedy.
Unfortunately you have nothing but unpleasant options to choose from. The strongest argument I can think of is, “This is what dad wanted.” That is an even stronger argument of your dad knew of your sister’s illness before his death, and didn’t make any changes because of it.
Pretty much any other options involve hiring a lawyer. Have you any witnesses or other evidence (like a letter perhaps) to her intent? You may be able to go into court and argue she should be removed from administering the estate if there is evidence that she intends from the start to violate the terms of the will.
Do you know if she intends to sell it, or move into it? If she sells it, it seems likely the money will go into medical costs in relatively short order, leaving little or nothing for you to recover. OTOH, if she moves in, even though the value may be preserved you may ulltimately be put in the position of having to force her eviction in order to sell it for your share of the estate.
The best advice I can offer you is talk to a lawyer very very soon, while there still may be different options to pursue.
You may ultimately decide that getting into a legal battle is not worth the pain and hassle. In that case I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive your sister, who sounds very seriously ill and perhaps not acting with full mental capacity. Your brother has no such excuse, but at least he isn’t acting out of a totally selfish motive.
So perhaps there’s some comfort to be found there – that even if you can’t resolve this problem amicably, you may still be able to salvage your family relationships in the future.
That’s a tough position you have gotten into, but I agree, she should buy you out. It’s not right of her to just take the house and run. Now the question is, do you really need the money, or is it just extra? Because you might be able to convince them if you really do need the money. Otherwise if you are really well off - especially better off than them - they won’t buy it for a second.
But if you want to maintain your family relationships, don’t push it. I know it irks but it’s just money. Ask instead if you can have some of your dad’s stuff as mementoes.
Umm, I don’t mean to sound insensitive but is your sister’s cancer terminal? What about letting her live in it until she passes and then selling it?
I disagree with a few of the previous posters.
To me the share of the house was your Fathers to give away, not yours. He made his choice… Sure, once you get a share you can decide what you want to do with it.
Your sister is using a medical condition to benefit her financially. She may recover fully. If she doesn’t, will her capacity to pass your share of the house on to her family make life easier for you?
I can’t see whether you are well off being trigger to acceding to the demand.
Your sister and brother are trying to do the wrong thing, and trying to make you the bad guy. Your dad made his wishes perfectly clear. I don’t know what houses are selling for in your neck of the woods, but around here, we would be talking about $300,000 or more; your share would be around $100,000 (assuming no mortgage). That’s a lot of money to give to someone just because she’s asking for it.
I’m sorry for your loss. This kind of thing really happens too often. If I were you, I would talk to a lawyer in the jurisdiction where the estate is being probated. It sounds like your sister is trying to guilt you into disclaiming your portion of your dad’s estate. Don’t do it unless you really want to. I don’t think your relationship with your siblings will be the same regardless of what happens.
I’m so sorry for you. I remember reading Ann Landers as a kid and wondering why the hell so many families fought over wills and inheritance. Then I saw a friend go through the same thing and it was horrendous. The worst part is she couldn’t have cared less about any of it, she just didn’t want to see her nastier siblings get more than the one who actually cared for her parents before they died. I’d like to think my own family will be smarter and kinder should this sort of thing arise… but I guess you can never really know.
Good luck.
I offer my condolences, although since losing my Father at 16, I know that they are a mere polite effort and worth nothing.