Mine was bought in the early 70s, the kind that has the checkered metal grip, red with white cross logo. Main blade says “Elinox” on one side. Besides the main blade, there is an awl, a bottle opener and a can opener. The two openers have different size flat screw driver ends. Sleek and efficient – minimum pocket bulge.
Victorinox “Deluxe Tinker”
On one end:
long knife blade
can opener
On the other end:
short knife blade
scissors
pliers
screwdriver/bottle opener
On the back:
Phillips screwdriver
a hook for carrying things bound in baling wire
In odd niches:
tweezers
toothpick
My ‘everyday knife’ is a Victorinox Champion I bought in 1982. I mostly use the scissors. The knife I keep on a lanyard in my backpack (that I take to work with me) is a Victorinox SwissChamp.
So in answer to the question in the title… Pretty much everything.
My Swiss Army Knife is made by Leatherman.
So you don’t have a Swiss Army Knife. 
I sadly retired all my SAKs to a box in the back of the closet. One too many “ohh, that was close” moments and I decided I am just not going to use a knife without a fixed or locking blade. And SAKs seem to be averse to using locking mechanisms on all but the absurdly large(5 inch or whatever they are) models.
Mine’s a Wenger. Large blade, nail file, saw, scissors, can opener, bottle opener, straight screwdriver, Phillips screwdriver, awl, toothpick, tweezers. The toothpick and tweezers have been out of commission for decades (neither one actually lost: The tweezers came apart and the toothpick is irretrievably jammed in), and the scissors had a good run (Wenger scissors are much better than Victornox), but don’t work well any more.
I also routinely carry a Leatherman and a utility pen.
I prefer the multi tools that have the pliers in the middle. I have one but forget what all is in it. I think pliers, a knife, saw, file, can opener, flathead screwdriver, philips screwdriver, wire cutters.
I have a Leatherman I keep in my glove compartment.
I got pulled over once by local cops. After I got my insurance/owner’s cards out of the glove compartment, one cop pulled his gun and screamed, “HANDS ON THE STEERING WHEEL. HE’S GOT A BUTTERFLY KNIFE!!!”
The other cop, a much older guy who knew me, saw that the thing freaking out his partner was my Leatherman. He calmly explained what was happening and told the other guy to holster his weapon. Instead of a ticket (which I deserved) I got an apology.
So that’s what that fucking thing is for. I’ve often wondered but never been motivated enough to enquire.
I’ve always liked to imagine it was for turning one’s SAK into a coat hanger for Action Man / GI Joe.
This. Daily knife versus the “hey, you never know knife”. 
I have two SAKs - a Classic on a set of spare keys and a Tourist that lives in the compartment on the loveseat with the remote and the nail clippers for the cats.
My carry tools and knives are all Leatherman or Gerber.
ETA: I also have a Rally that I found in my mother’s desk after she died.
Actually I’ve got several Leatherman multi-tools.
The Champion and the SwissChamp are pretty much the same. The latter replaced the former, and has a few more things.
Liks silenus, I have Classics on my key rings. I also have Spartans, Soldiers, a Bundeswehr Trekker, a Victorinox Bundeswehr pocket knife, and a Wenger Highlander. Plus a Champion in the original box, and a Champion and SwissChamp in leather ‘basketweave’ Victorinox belt pouches. (The SwissChamp pouch has a sharpening steel in a side pocket.) And who knows what other SAKs I have lying about?
Mike is a Victorianox but is minimal. Only a knife blade, a slot head screwdriver, a tweezers, and a toothpick. I bought it for ten francs probably 40 years ago in some store (probably Franz Karl Weber) on Bahnhofstrasse in Zurich. The white cross on it has totally worn off, the white anyway.
First thing outta the gate matches mine.
I have a SwissChamp for around the house, a Midnite Manager on my keychain and a Traveller in my backpack.
I have a Leatherman Juice CS4.
I get a lot of use out of it but I’d really rather have spring loaded pliers. I’m thinking of buying this Gerber for my sister’s birthday because it says the pliers are spring loaded.
Also, the Juice seems to have jumped $25 in price. I like mine, but I wouldn’t have bought it at $75.
Is it a Bantam?
I’ve had a Victorinox Classic since my Dad gave me my first one for my 10th birthday. I got a Backpacker in the early 90s and that’s my daily carry now. Lockblade, saw, bottle opener w/small common screwdriver, can opener, tweezers, toothpick, corkscrew, awl, and I added the eyeglass screwdriver that fits in the corkscrew. I’m on my second as I lost mine 10 years ago. I also have a Gerber multitool for work and in both cars along with flashlights and lighters.