Go ahead, decide for me!
Include any other Dopers you want to, also…
:::BAMF:::
another wall… damn!
No Clue Boy!
He has the mutant power to repel any Clue game within 50 feet. When he walks into a Clue tournament, the whole place turns into a veritable tornado of game boards, plastic and metal pieces, dice, and Miss Scarlet trading cards. Parker Brothers is working on obtaining a restraining order against him.
Your mutant power is the unique ability to travel through energy sources…
For Instance: You could be talking to someone on the phone, then when they hang up, you could travel through the electricity source and end up at that location. Also works through electrical plugs in walls, and is instantaneous. You also have the ability to travel to other people computers, including the department of defense, and manipulate data. But you will have to quickly decide if you wanted to be a good mutant or bad mutant.
My mutant power is simple. I move things with my mind. No weight limit. For instance, look at the lower right of your screen, see those 4 digits. I will move them at one minute intervals…all day everyday. So when you check the time on your computer to see when lunch is, or how much time you have till your next appointment, you will think: PHLOSPHR
You have the ability to unfailingly make the worst possible decision in any situation. Your fellow super-mutants bring you along so that thye can ask you for advice and then do exactly the opposite of what you recommend.
Your bones have been surgically re-enforced with AdamAnt which allows you to ‘feel the vibe and shake around’ to any music recorded between 1979 - 1985 (circa “Vive Le Rock”). Also gives you the power to make inane but vaguely threatening rhymes:
don’t tread on an ant he’s done nothing to you
there might come a day
when he’s treading on you
don’t tread on an ant you’ll end up black and blue
you cut off his head
legs come looking for you
but then you’d better run like hell…
The power to obsessively post to any Star Trek thread?
Just kidding, how about the power to transform any matter to touch into a different type of matter. Flesh to stone, steel to tissue paper, ect.
But if his fellow super-mutants always do the exact opposite of what he recommends, then the “worst possible decision” would be to advise them to do the best possible thing!
Powers:
Bouncy Leo : Lion reflecting skin
Noocy Lube : Always well lubricated for the nooky.
Yob’o’uncle : Junior member of the man from Uncle, yob devision
The amazing ability to convert oxygen into carbon dioxide. oooo, aahhhh…
Bippy the Beardlesses power is to get a very close shave. However, his mutagenic powers are often thwarted by his nemesis, coincidently named Bippy the Bearded. Both Bippy’s powers work best when they sing their theme music:
Bippy, your face is nice and clean.
Bippy, your face has that smooth sheen.
Bippy, you’re not a hippy, so be like Bippy today.
By the Power of MACH 3, Bippy shaves the day.
My arch nemisis though is Uncle Harry (pronounced Hairy) Scrotum, a 65 year foul mouthed letch.
Peg has the obvious super power of fixing clothes to a washing line, no matter how windy it is.
blue_poop excretes blue… um… er… never mind.
NCB’s mutant power is SuperHyperactivity. It includes the power of very fast sprinting, ability to elevate his heart level to 500 bpm, bouncing off walls like a game of pong on crack, and of course… teleporting into them.
Noclueboy! Strange visitor from wherever the hell he’s from, with powers far beyond mortal men! Noclueboy! Who can change the course of mocha ripple! Bend bears in his steel hands! And who, disguised as…er…a, um, Mexican wrestler named Lyle…erm…oh, nevermind. Sorry.
Anyhoo, I envision several possibilities for Noclueboy, all centering around the name in the best LSH fashion.
-
A telepathic neutralizer. This could work in either a focused or unfocused manner. Perhaps he has the ability to suppress someone’s ability to recall how to perform a single, specific task; Magneto forgets which substances his magnetic powers work on, Wolverine forgets how to pop his claws, Joel Schumacher forgets how to derail a film franchise, etc. Alternately, the ability could be an area effect, diminishing the overall intelligence and attention span of everyone within a given radius. Since this power would also affect Noclueboy himself, this could lead to some very strange fight scenes.
-
On a more literal note, perhaps Noclueboy is a rakish, Gambit-like gentleman thief, whose power manifests as a low-level probability field that gradually erases all traces of his presence. Fingerprints smudge and fade, surveillance videos inexplicably blur with interference, DNA traces are unaccountably contaminated. Eventually, all evidence of his very existence vanishes…
…hey, on second thought, maybe that’s actually my mutant power. Come to think of it, that would explain a lot. Oh well.
Ooh… Like Wink of an Eye!
Cool!
:::BAMF:::
[Goddamstupidwalls!]
Telepathic nuetralization would certainly explain many of my dates!
How about the ability to repel tigers. I mean, you don’t see any tigers around yourself, do you?
I’d have the ability to disappear in plain sight. Not turn invisible, just a superhuman and uncontrollable tendency to be not noticed and/or ignored by other people. Parties would be slow death. I’d have to fight Wallflower for rights to the name…that is, if I could work up the courage to do so.
Or possibly the uncanny ability to remember obscure bits of information that are useful for explaining backstory and moving a plot along. The writers all love me, but I’m frequently crucified in effigy by the fans. And rightly so, I might say.
NoclueBoy(Nucluboy), able to convert nuclear energy into message board posts!
Tracer, able to recognize somebody solely from a traced turkey finger drawing!
Phlosphr, able to make all things into something to philosphoize about!(“When god made the grass green and the sky blue, what was he subtextually trying to say?”)
Can’t think of any other powers for the rest of ya, sorry.
Apparently, I have a superhuman ability to convert beer into urine. My power is limitless, it seems.