My best goofiest present involved a pair of pets that I had at different times.
It all started when my best friend at the time, Jeff and I decided to get our little pets. They were so cute. They were about 4 or 5 inches tall and looked like they were practically all teeth. I have to preface everything else by saying that Jeff is a Native American, 100% Cherokee, Creek, Seminole. Ok, we named them Mario and Marvin and we would walk them around town on little leashes. We would get some pretty strange stares in the mall since pets weren’t allowed inside. We both slept with Mario and Marvin in the bed (Jeff is straight… well he did ask me to have sex with him once. I said no.) and we would talk to them. When they were bad we would punish them by spanking them or some such.
Well, one day Jeff left Marvin in his room when we went to college and his parents being the cannibalistic Natives that they are went in and beat open Marvin’s brains and ate him. Jeff was heartbroken. He cried for a week. I felt his pain.
Shortly thereafter, I accidently left Mario in the back seat of my black car in the San Antonian summer sun. Poor thing, he didn’t have a chance since I didn’t even crack the window. Well, his skull exploded leaving his brains all over my back floorboard. I picked him up and threw him in the garbage.
Then I got Mario Jr. At first he was much better than Mario but then he started acting up. Jeff saw it too. He had long since stopped missing Marvin and would come over to play with me and Mario Jr. Anyway, one day we were outside in the parking lot at night petting Mario Jr. and he just wasn’t acting right. So, I picked him up and threw him down on the asphalt. Luckily, we hadn’t heard of PETA at the time. I know they would have come and locked me away. Anyway, His brains flew everywhere. We were then picked him up and threw him into the school parking lot. There was a teacher inservice the next day and the teachers mashed poor Marvin Jr. into road pizza. I sure miss Mario Jr.
Well, now that I see that everyone is pretty horrified and wondering what type of pets Marvin, Mario, and Marvin Jr. were, I will tell you. They were pet cans of white hominey. Everything stated above is 100% true. Jeff and I were so sad when his parents cannibalized Mario. Oh well.
I eventually told my mother this story and eventually she laughed when she found out that it was white hominey. Anyway, one year for Christmas/Yule she gave me a present wrapped in lots of tissue paper and wrapping paper (it looked like a giant piece of hard candy) something that I couldn’t tell what it was. Most of my family didn’t know the Mario/Marvin saga since it was the big function at my grandparent’s home. Anyway, I didn’t have a clue as to what was inside the package. I opened it and found a can of white hominey. It is now sitting atop my refridgerator and is named Mario the Third. Everyone thought my mother was even crazier than usual that day. It was so much fun.
One of the more unusual presents that I have given was to my youngest sister. I knew that she liked popping packing bubbles so I went to Uhaul and got her a roll of tiny bubbles and a roll of large bubbles. I don’t remember if I gave it to her for her birthday or Christmas (they are only four days apart) but she loved it. She even let me pop a few. I was so happy. She got other presents from me but that was her favourite.
HUGS!
Sqrl