What's the best Goofy present you have recieved?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My father gave me two books recently, the DSM-III, which is basically the reference book for shrinks (an outdated copy, which is why he gave it to me), and a POCKET copy of the DSM-III. I am having a ton of fun with the pocket copy, I can diagnose anyone at any time. :smiley:

SisterRiddles once gave me “Susan Dey’s Book of Boys, Beauty and Popularity.” I was working at the hip radio station in town at the time, and brought it in to show the PD. She thought it was the funniest thing she had ever seen, and showed it to the morning DJ, who proclaimed it “radio gold,” and proceeded to have the “Susan Dey Moment” every morning.

So what gag gifts have you gotten that amuse the hell out of you?

2

For Christmas once my wife couldn’t get out much for shopping so she stopped at a gas station and picked up a bottle of Diet Pepsi, a bag of Doritos, and a gallon of windshield washer fluid.

Another time she got me that “Insult in Latin” book that I shared with y’all the other day. Said I needed to learn a foreign language.

3

I got a can of Popeye spinach once because… Well, that’s not important, but i thought it was pretty damn funny. :wink:

4

Well, it may be innappropriate to others, but my friend
Ben gave me a clear plastic bag containing a dead mouse and a little bag of cotton candy.
I guess this doesn’t count as a gag gift, seeing as I love anything with sugar in it, and I am a taxidermist so I took the dead mouse and stuffed it and spray painted it silver and stapled wings on it- made it into a charming Christmas tree ornament.
Still- it probably would have looked funny to see this exchange of gifts from an outside observer’s point of view.

5

When I left for college, my friends bought me this big, incredibly well-hung plastic buffalo and they all signed it for me. I kept it in my dorm room and had to explain it to everyone who came in. I don’t even like buffalos.

6

I’ve already told y’all about the toenail necklace my best friend gave me, right?

7

I got a package of Poise (for bladder control) on my 30th birthday.

:smiley:

8

I made a stoneware sculpture once that looks like a cowry shell on one side and a vulva on the other. It is about the size and color of an idaho potato and sits there on my bookshelf in the living room or dining room looking like an innocent cowry shell sculpture until someone picks it up and looks at the bottom. I named it Pandora’s Box. It is a self portrait of sorts. My teacher for that class called it a “damn fine piece.”

Anyway, A friend gave me an 15" sculpture of a man. It is Teal green with gold teeth and eyes. It has a 5" detachable penis that one can beat it and thus use it as a dinner bell. I love it. It is not your average tacky well endowed plastic kitch, but a nice piece of Art that happens to be well hung. It is the perfect compainion to Pandora’s Box.

9

My best goofiest present involved a pair of pets that I had at different times.

It all started when my best friend at the time, Jeff and I decided to get our little pets. They were so cute. They were about 4 or 5 inches tall and looked like they were practically all teeth. I have to preface everything else by saying that Jeff is a Native American, 100% Cherokee, Creek, Seminole. Ok, we named them Mario and Marvin and we would walk them around town on little leashes. We would get some pretty strange stares in the mall since pets weren’t allowed inside. We both slept with Mario and Marvin in the bed (Jeff is straight… well he did ask me to have sex with him once. I said no.) and we would talk to them. When they were bad we would punish them by spanking them or some such.

Well, one day Jeff left Marvin in his room when we went to college and his parents being the cannibalistic Natives that they are went in and beat open Marvin’s brains and ate him. Jeff was heartbroken. He cried for a week. I felt his pain.

Shortly thereafter, I accidently left Mario in the back seat of my black car in the San Antonian summer sun. Poor thing, he didn’t have a chance since I didn’t even crack the window. Well, his skull exploded leaving his brains all over my back floorboard. I picked him up and threw him in the garbage.

Then I got Mario Jr. At first he was much better than Mario but then he started acting up. Jeff saw it too. He had long since stopped missing Marvin and would come over to play with me and Mario Jr. Anyway, one day we were outside in the parking lot at night petting Mario Jr. and he just wasn’t acting right. So, I picked him up and threw him down on the asphalt. Luckily, we hadn’t heard of PETA at the time. I know they would have come and locked me away. Anyway, His brains flew everywhere. We were then picked him up and threw him into the school parking lot. There was a teacher inservice the next day and the teachers mashed poor Marvin Jr. into road pizza. I sure miss Mario Jr.

Well, now that I see that everyone is pretty horrified and wondering what type of pets Marvin, Mario, and Marvin Jr. were, I will tell you. They were pet cans of white hominey. Everything stated above is 100% true. Jeff and I were so sad when his parents cannibalized Mario. Oh well.

I eventually told my mother this story and eventually she laughed when she found out that it was white hominey. Anyway, one year for Christmas/Yule she gave me a present wrapped in lots of tissue paper and wrapping paper (it looked like a giant piece of hard candy) something that I couldn’t tell what it was. Most of my family didn’t know the Mario/Marvin saga since it was the big function at my grandparent’s home. Anyway, I didn’t have a clue as to what was inside the package. I opened it and found a can of white hominey. It is now sitting atop my refridgerator and is named Mario the Third. Everyone thought my mother was even crazier than usual that day. It was so much fun.

One of the more unusual presents that I have given was to my youngest sister. I knew that she liked popping packing bubbles so I went to Uhaul and got her a roll of tiny bubbles and a roll of large bubbles. I don’t remember if I gave it to her for her birthday or Christmas (they are only four days apart) but she loved it. She even let me pop a few. I was so happy. She got other presents from me but that was her favourite.

HUGS!
Sqrl

10

This will be pretty tame, but if you equate goofy with fairly useless, I’d have to vote for the stuffed R2D2 given me by a friend back in '78. When you push on the front, it squeaks.

11

Reminds me of the pewter bookends I once received.

When you push on the side, they fall over.

12

A boyfriend once sent me a box of weird stuff, including True Confessions (which I later parlayed into a publishing opportunity, hardee har har). That was a good gift.

My husband (pre-marriage) gave me a plaster-of-paris Wendy’s “frosty” mounted on a wooden base. When we were dating, we’d been traveling somewhere, stopped for lunch, and he had a frosty for dessert. I didn’t order one but had figured I could have some of his. Midway through he decided he was full and without thinking, being in full single-guy mode, he wadded up a gum wrapper and just threw it in the frosty as trash. The perfectly good, delicious, creamy, half a frosty. Did I mention it was a hot day, too? The crushed look on my face was priceless, he said, as he realized one second too late that he shoulda asked if I wanted any.

So the plaster-of-paris frosty, which he spent considerable time on to make it look just right, was sort of an inside joke and declaration of love. I think.

13

Well, mine’s not that great but here goes nothing:

I got a baby-bottle filled with bourbon. It was the most fun I had with a present…and the worst day-after I’ve ever had from a present.

14

One of my best friends was living in Florida near me for a year b/c her father was working at a local college or something.[note: she’s from Europe.] Our birthdays are about 9-10 days apart, and we normally get each other gifts if we happen to be in the same country at the time. That year she got me the kewlest goofy gift: a roll of beavis and butthead toilet paper. I still have this gift neatly stored up in my closet. Eventually as a joke I am thinking of putting up a dispenser to hang it from. Next time I see her, I’m probably going to give her a chia pet. Probably the chia hippo. I miss her so much. Maybe I’ll pop by on spring break if I can save up enough cash.

15

I once got a box in exchange at our “secret Santa” gathering of a gourmet club:

One spotted cow hotpad.
One baby shoe.
One xeroxed photo of bandleader Lombardo.
In a sauce pan.

When we couldn’t figure it out, she explained:
“Moo shu guy pan”

16

[hijack] SouthernStyle, I’ve had lots of bookends like that myself. Being a big fan of books, bookends always seem like a great idea, since there are never enough shelves to hold them all, plus I need flexible space for changable stock, like library books. I always have an eye out for cool-looking bookends, and I’ve seen some nice ones that I would have liked to buy. Yet almost every pair I’ve ever been given, and almost every set I’ve looked at in stores myself, weighed…oh…anywhere from two to eight ounces. Am I the only one who sees the stupidity in that? Unless you plan to use them to contain three or four paperbacks (um, okay), these things are just plain useless. Put even a few hardbacks between them, sandwich them together, and watch as they slide back to horizontal and one (sometimes both) of the bookends falls to the floor. And it kind of defeats the purpose to have to put heavy things (like stacks of books) around your bookends to hold them up. :confused: My best bookends ever were a pair of lava rocks about the size of grapefruit, plucked from a southwestern desert. They weighed at least five pounds each and were extremely cook to look at, but, due to their very sharp edges and extremely rough texture, they did tend to leave scratches on the surface on which they were used, no matter how carefully handled.

sorry about the [hijack] [end same]

Turpentine, my cat gave me some dead mice over the years, but I suppose that doesn’t count. But I like the image of those little wings.

17

I have never received a goofy gift. :o(

But about 2 yrs ago, I made and gave my mom a Mr Socko. For those of you who watch WWF Wrestling, you know what I’m talking about.

18

On my desk I have a photo of Lotta Mae Ledbetter, AKA The Big Haired Lady. Lotta Mae is the advertising icon for the Longhorn Steakhouse chain. Some co-workers met her at lunch one day while I was travelling and had her autograph an 8X10 glossy for me. It reads “To the Babe Magnet! Love, The BHL”. It remains one of my most prized possessions.

19

A life size, cardboard standee of Capt Kirk. It was also holding a brand new video of Star Trek 5, the movie it was designed to hawk.

V.

20

At my grandmothers house there has always been a tradition of giving a single gag gift to the men at the Christmas party. It’s always a surprise who gets it and its never announced, just dropped on someone. Well, at the ripe old age of 17…the gag gift was accidentally bestowed upon me…and I will never forget my first look at the hand-knitted, condom-sock dickwarmer.

I opened the package, looked down at these two little beady eyes and a mouth staring back up at me smiling and as our eyes met, I frowned. I looked again at it to make sure I was in fact seeing something that the tag called a hand-knitted, condom-sock dickwarmer and slowly put it back down in its package.

I looked at it again…frowned for good measure and quickly left the room. Once I was out of hearing range I had one of the best laughs I’ve ever had in my life!

-SS:)