“I’ve decided to recommitt myself to my job/religion/spouse(!)/whatever.”
You know, this would probably be the way I’d most like to get dumped. I mean the dumpee (my hypothetical dumped self included) always wants to have a pointless (from the perspective of the dumper) conversation about why, can’t we change things, etc.
And e-mail allows one to keep one’s humiliation to oneself.
So. . . dopers, if I ever date any of you, and you decide to dump me, just send an e-mail. I’d appreciate it.
Direct approach, with minimal amounts of explaining. Do NOT be vague and let the other person think this, too, may pass. Also, do it in person unless there’s the possibility of physical violence.
“X, I’ve enjoyed the time we spent together, but I don’t want to see you anymore.”
And was pointed out, you pay the check.
I think that’s one of those “your mileage may vary” things. My thought would be, “Great, he wanted me out of his life, but decided to use me for one last screw first.”
I wouldn’t recommend breaking up at a restaurant. You’re going to sit there feeling uneasy about it the whole time. The Dumpee may well feel those vibes and ask what’s up, and you really don’t want to have to spill the whole “I don’t want to see you” thing and then sit around lamely waiting for your entrees to arrive - or have the Dumpee walk out on you before the food arrives, leaving you feel dumb. Or have him/her make a scene in the restaurant. And so forth. Do both of you a favor and invite the person to some new (not favorite) coffee shop, or to a bookstore, or something like that. Somewhere that you might go do something with that person were you dating, but easy to leave.
First thought when reading thread title was akin to: What’s the best way to fall down a long flight of stairs?
There is no best way, other than being honest. It sucks for both parties, but deceit has a way of coming back to bite you.
I’m afraid I don’t have any real advice. I would comment that getting advice is good - if not, you can make some horrendous mistakes; for instance, not everyone thinks that valentines day is the worst day of the year to dump someone…
I have done that and had it done to me. Sometimes it is for the best.
My last relationship ended like that (after a year!). His son told me he was instructed to say he wasn’t home if I rang. At the time it was horrible but in retrospect it avoided a lot of drama.
It also made saying “No, fuck off” much more satisfying when he changed his mind a month later 
I once spit on this woman. It was the only way to get the point across. :smack: