But I see infertile couples spending tens of thousands of dollars just for the chance to get pregnant. And in society today it seems like almost an obligation.
Why? What’s the big deal? I don’t have children myself and don’t plan on having them, so please don’t tell me to “Just have one. You’ll understand.” Thanks!
“One more anal-probing, gyro, pyro, levitating, eco-plasm, alien anti-matter story and I’m gonna take out my gun and shoot somebody.”
– Fox Mulder
There are probably many reasons: social, biological, psychological, but I’ll take a stab at this.
I’m leaping to the conclusion that you are young and single. When I was young and single, I couldn’t see the big deal either. Then I got married and spent quite a few years developing a relationship with my husband. After a while, there came a time when we both felt that we wanted to create a family. Not just have a kid–but move our whole relationship to a different plane, so to speak. I’m not explaining this very well, but part of it is imagining how you want to end up in life. What kind of life do you picture for yourself as a 70 or 80 year old? I love my husband to bits, but neither of us felt that just kicking around doing the same things we did at 20 was going to be enough. I like my job, too, but a career is just never going to be an all-consuming interest for me.
That’s my explanation for why we decided to have kids. After they come, well, those feelings can only be described in primitive she-bear terms.
Yes, I know we could have achieved the same results through adoption (I’m adopted myself), but there is a very powerful pull to create your own child. I think it would be naive to discredit the role that biology plays in that.
When I was in my teens and early twenties, I swore I would never marry and definitely have kids. The older I get, the less horrible an idea marriage and kids seems like to me. I think a lot of it is a biological imperative. A lot of it is companionship, and there is a desire for immortality involved. I want my beliefs and values to survive after I’m gone. I’m not dating at the moment, and I don’t have any good prospects, so marriage doesn’t look very likely for me, at least not for a few more years.
If it weren’t for religious proscriptions against premarital sex and artificial insemination, I would be sorely tempted to give a turkey baster and a copy of “Playboy” to a certain male co-worker…
Karma, this is GD and not the Pit, so I’ll refrain from saying what I really think of you and your remark.
Regardless of whether or not Spiritus Mundi has actually lost a child, you’ve just painted yourself as callous and completely lacking in social skills.
Well, relatively young, but not single. My wife and I have similar feelings on this now, but it may become an issue someday.
Insteresting that I’ve gotten several responses indicating a biological imperative. This is one of those areas where it seems that “go with your instincts” isn’t looked down upon. But what about overpopulation? What about dwindling (though not as dwinding as doomsayers would like us to believe) resources?
I’m sure kids may be in some way fulfilling, at least from an egotistical point of view. I just wonder if it’s entirely prudent in the current world, at least from a global standpoint. Though I guess SUVs aren’t either.
I hear a lot of rant from organizations such as childfree.com that people’s rationalizations to have children are basically selfish ones, though those of us without children are often called selfish. Is this really a selfish urge? You definitely can’t say you’re bettering the planet by it.
“One more anal-probing, gyro, pyro, levitating, eco-plasm, alien anti-matter story and I’m gonna take out my gun and shoot somebody.”
– Fox Mulder
Kids are so damned cute. I am a 23 year old single male. No immediate plans to have kids - but part of me can’t wait til I do.
They’re better at chores (and easier to train) with more versatile commands available than dogs. eg. “Go to your room!” And how many times can you command a pet pooch to ‘not talk to your mother that way.’
They have better ability at speech than a parrot, though it takes a bit of time for them to learn.
Nah, kids are fun.
Disclaimer: In case anyone was wondering, most of this post was meant to be taken lightly. the truth of the matter is I like kids, want to have them one day - simply because I marvel at the thought of creation of life, and what if that is the only worthwhile thing I ever accomplish? Who knows. Can’t miss that opportunity.
Necros: the value of a child is individual and non-objective. I do not believe it can be explained or transmitted, only experienced. Even then, your experience will not unique in its particulars, though it may share a pattern with other’s experiences. No one should feel pressured to have a child. No one should belittle the depth of another’s honest desire for children.
I’m not sure I buy this whole “overpopulation” thing. Everyone throws around the assumption that there are too many people with great confidence. It’s not how many people there are, it’s how we use resources. As you point out an, SUV is an SUV, and it doesn’t matter if it’s full of Mom, Dad, and kids headed for Chuck E. Cheese or a couple of DINKs headed for the newest microbrewery.
Has Cecil addressed the “zero-population growth” question?
Anyway, most people do most things for selfish reasons. Selfish doesn’t automatically mean bad.
BTW – Now that you have my attention, Karma, please look up the word “prerogative”. It appears to have had more syllables than you were able to command.
The best lack all conviction
The worst are full of passionate intensity.
*
I agree with every word cher3 said in her first post. That’s exactly the way it happened to me, too (including the adoption part, BTW).
I personally do not think that having kids is selfish, but maybe I’m equating “selfish” with “bad.” I also do not believe that not having children is selfish. It’s a matter of choice. Both situations have their good points and bad points. Most days, I’d eat broken glass for my children. Then there’s times when I wish John Belushi were still around to ask me “How much for ze little girl?”
Having children is great…for me. I don’t recommend doing it until you’re really ready to make that lifetime commitment, because the job of parenting is one that never ends. Never. Not even when the kids are grown up, married, employed, and having kids of their own. Ask my mom. She’ll tell ya.
Cristi, Slayer of Peeps
I made my husband join a bridge club. He jumps next Tuesday.
Having children is right up there, biologically speaking, with eating & breathing. It is the reason people have a sex drive. people also have an overwhelming urge to take care of something. I’ve noticed that almost all of the childless couples I know have a dog(s) that they treat just like children.
Anyway there is nothing that can compare to holding a baby in your arms. The way they look at you when you nurse them. The first time they smile, or laugh, or take a step sigh.
It is also a lot of hard work, but there is very little so satisfying. Kids also can really bring a family togther, renew strained relationships (I’m not talking about having a baby to save your marriage) and you will make your own mom happier than a pig in sh*t.
Although it is not at all selfish not to have kids, I also believe that intelligant people should reproduce more. We need to improve the gene pool.
<i>Why have kids?</i> What? Am I supposed to live vicariously through my dog?
In all seriousness, there are a million reasons to have kids and a million reasons not to. You just have to decide what’s best for you and then learn to live with that decision. It’s better for all concerned to NOT have kids if you don’t want them. Don’t bend to social pressures or “biological prerogatives”. Personally, I’ve found raising kids the most profound and exciting challeng of my life - NO REGRETS!
On the bright side, if you elect NOT to have kids, it’s never too late to change your mind… I just saw Jame Doohan (Scottie from Star Trek) just had a kid at age 80…
