I work at a restaurant. A few days ago a customer requested that her chicken fried steak “contain only white meat!”:smack:
Her: “The Swastika is just an old-fashioned German way of writing the number ‘4’.”
Me (genuinely intrigued at how anyone could possibly come to this conclusion): “Oh really? What’s significant about the number four?”
Her: “Well, it’s the number of ‘arms’ the Swastika has.”
I was a flight attendant for a commuter Airline. A passanger brought in this duffle back that was big enough to hide a body in. He’s physically dragging it down the isle towards me and dumps it at my feet, very loudly saying “well there it is, look through it”. I said , “excuse me??” and he said “There it is. Go through it. They said you wanted to go through it. Get after it”. Seeing the crowd gathering the other flight attendant comes to see what’s going on and he tells her the same: “you told me she had to go through it”. The other FA’s response: “No sir, I told you it was too big and had to be checked. It must be loaded beneath the plane”.
And if I can…another…
Our local phone company recently went to an automated system that shuts your phone off if you don’t pay. It had bugs. My brother’s phone got cut off randomly (as did many others I know!). He drives to the phone company and tells the lady "my phone has been cut off. " she tells him…“oh you didn’t have to come down her. You could have just called”. He looks at her and again says…“my phone is cut off…I could not call”. He said she gave him a blank stare. He doesn’t think she got it!
(Gazing up at the night sky with a friend)
**Friend: **The sun is a star, isn’t it?
**Me: [b/] That’s right.
**Friend: ** Which one?
Apart from (or perhaps in addition to or in agreement with) what Zyada said; it doesn’y matter if you don’t run out of both at the same time; if you’re running out of shampoo, buy some more shampoo, if you’re running out of conditioner, buy some more conditioner. Most people go shopping more often than the time it takes to use a bottle of either and if you’re one of those bulk-buying types and find you’re using two or three bottles between shopping trips, then…buy two or three bottles at a time when you go shopping.
A ¾ full bottle of shampoo takes up just as much space in your gym bag as does a ¼ full bottle, so also it isn’t as if having one bottle less (proportionally) full than the other is a problem either.
On the train last night, I’m almost sure I heard a student say that classical and modern music have influenced each other.
OMFG! That’s classic.
I’m going to go with the old staple I’ve posted before from boy in my class at school: “If the core of the earth is heavier, why doesn’t it sink to the bottom?”
IT HAS!
I once had a colleague (female) who’s husband decided it would be a good idea to keep a few chickens so they’d be able to have fresh eggs every day.
We got to talk about chickens in general, ans she asked the question:w hen they’re brooding, how many days do they need to stay on the eggs?
I replied: “i don’t know exactly, I think it’s around 28 days, but i could be wrong”
SHe then asked: “and are that 28 working days?..”
to make matters worst: she wasn’t even a city girl…
Wow - I didn’t think my little incident would stir up so much talk!
How about something a little more obvious:
“I thought if you didn’t push your cuticles back, they would grow over your nails”
My ex is a really good source of stupid statements.
Judy: “Love means never having to say you’re sorry.”
Dr. Howard Bannister: “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.”
From the wife: “How many planets are there? 12?”
That jr. high astronomy really stuck with her.
My ex once found a large ball-bearing on the floor of the garage. At the time I was refilling the car with oil. She asked me “is this part of the car?” and I jokingly said “oh my God! That’s a vital part of the engine. You’d better put it back in, quick!”
So she walked over to the car and dropped the damn thing down the oil filler. I had to remove the rocker cover to get it out - took about 3 hours (I still can’t work out if the stupidity was mine or hers).
A friend of mine was checking in at the airport together with someone that she had never met before, who was going to the same do. However, when the travel companion went through the security check the metal detector kept beeping no matter how she emptied her pockets, so in the end the security guard went over her with a handheld detector, that buzzed away over her breast pocket. Guard: “Are you sure tou haven’t got a purse or something in your pocket?”
“Of course. That’s just my dagger.” :eek:
One of my friends has a boyfriend who I really just don’t like. He seems to have straightened himself up a good deal over the past several months, but he’s always given me the creeps, and his personality just rubs me the wrong way.
Anyway, one day when it seemed like he was finally starting to get his shit together, we went out to a local bar to hang out with a bunch of other (ex)employees. Towards the end of the evening, I hear him correcting someone about the image of the devil on a bottle of Arrogant Bastard Ale. He says it’s not a devil, it’s a gargoyle. He knows, because in his past life, “I was a gargoyle.” He then goes on to talk about how, originally, he was a dragon, but over time, dragons went into hiding and became gargoyles so they could still look after and protect people, because that’s what dragons do (nevermind that whole "being an archtype for greed, the destructive nature of humanity, and all that other horrible shit they REALLY personify). He then said he had proof, and gave a few stupid little reasonings (dreams and the like), but his real proof was his ability to speak “Dragon Speak.” He then prattled off in a creepy, echoey voice in some made up tongue.
The scary thing…he was dead serious.
In my earth science class, we were talking about the evolution of humans in relation to climate. The professor was saying how when the global climate went into cooling, there tended to be more aggression and war, since there was a decrease in fertile land and crops. There was a warming trend during the middle ages, then a cooling trend, and we’re currently in a warming trend.
One girl asks that if we’re in a warming trend, how come Bush is going to war…
Oi.
Another guy asked how the Crusades could have happened in the middle ages despite the fact that it was a warm climate time.
I mean…oi!
Not something I heard, but something I read in a newspaper article (approximate quote):
“The Leaning Tower of Pisa defies the laws physics.”
Uh…no it doesn’t.
I do believe I actually posted something on that thread, or a similar one (under a different alias however.) I’ll repeat my own posting from that thread:
I was at a party on the lower east side of Manhattan. The host had just heard that a posse of drag queens were on their way over from Lucky Cheng’s (a bar in the neighborhood.) Another guest at the party (a good-looking but none too bright girl) pipes up:
“Drag queens? Oh I read all about them on Oprah!”
An entirely unrelated inrelated story: I was having lunch with some co-workers, and one of them started spouting on about how homosexuality was a sin because it said so in the bible. I piped up about how the passages in Leviticus are part of a long, lenghty list of commandments that nobody but the strictest of kosher jews adhere to, and blah, blah, blah. At which point she interupted me to state: “I don’t know nothing about any jewish books, I]I’m* talking about the bible!”
She even rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated gasp, to indicate how dumb she thought I was![
Crap! Please ignore that glaring typo in my posting: “inrelated”, uugh, I’m a dummy myself!
A guy once asked me
“When you have your period, does your egg bleed?”
A guy once asked me
“When you have your period, does your egg bleed?”